May 15, 2019
Joan Rivers Very Concerned That Lena Dunham Is Giving Everyone Diabetes
We actually sort of love Joan Rivers, mostly because of her sheer longevity in the face of culture utterly passing her by. But we do not love Joan Rivers for ranting about how Lena Dunham should not be naked or in a bikini because she is too fatty fat fat and oh fuck you Joan.
Guess what? Sometimes Lena Dunham likes to be naked! She gets to, because it is her own body and her own goddamn HBO show. Do you have an HBO show, Joan Rivers? No you do not. But Joan is afraid that if people see Lena Dunham’s gross fat body they will all eat themselves into oblivion and die of diabetes. No, really.
Rivers explains, “Lena Dunham, who again I think is terrific, how could she wear dresses above the knee? You are sending a message out to people saying, ‘It’s OK! Stay fat! Get diabetes! Everybody die! Lose your fingers!’”
She went on, “I love that she’s funny and love that she’s done well. But don’t let them laugh at you physically. If you look the way you look, Lena, and that’s fine and you’re funny, don’t say it’s OK that other girls can look like this. Try to look better.”
Actually, it is totally OK that people look like Lena Dunham. Lena Dunham has a gorgeous curvy body and looks fucking great naked. In fact, the only problem we actually have with Dunham is that her choice of clothing is sometimes awful Like this:
Lena, sweetie. That dress has POCKETS. No one needs pockets in a sundress, and no one needs to jam their hands in said pockets should they happen to exist. Also, we’re not even going to get into that eyeball pattern thingy, because that is a horrorshow. Lena Dunham, our advice to you is stay naked, stay your awesome curviness, stay happy.
You do you, and Joan Rivers can shut the hell up.