Mar 19, 2020
Come Watch Jimmy Kimmel’s Star-Studded Post-Oscars Show Of Terribly Not Funny!
Hosting ABC’s late night show is pure sweetness on Oscar night, because you are the only late night show available. No other network is going to fling their show up against the perpetually late-running behemoth that is the Academy Awards. This could have been Jimmy Kimmel’s best night ever. Was it? Haha nope.
And trust us, people, it wasn’t for lack of trying. Here is a list of people Jimmy Kimmel had do sketches for his post-Oscar show.
Kevin Spacey, Christoph Waltz, Gary Oldman, Ben Kingsley, Abbie Cornish, Mandy Patinkin, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Samuel L. Jackson, Seth Rogen, Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep, Chris Hemsworth, Liam Hemsworth, Queen Latifah, Barkhad Abdi, Adam Driver, Matt Damon.
You guys that is SO MUCH PEOPLE! And they made SO MUCH BADNESS! Do you think they were somehow all contractually obligated to show up?
Even the premise for all the sketches was terrible: Big stars help Hollywood adapt popular YouTube videos into big-budget Hollywood movies. See? Does anything about that sing to you? Is anything about that a siren call to you, beckoning you to your teevee? Hell no. Should we watch how awful these all were? Hell yes.
First up, Amadeus, but starring Keyboard Cat, so Ameowdeus, of course.
How terrible was this thing? On a scale of One to We Wish We Were Dead, this was Hit Self In the Head With A Ball Peen Hammer.
Next, “Sweet Brown – Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That” but with some thin storyline where the Ain’t Nobody Got Time lady is the unwitting instigator of huge historical events, a la Forrest Gump.
How terrible was this thing? On a scale of One to We Wish We Were Dead, this was Throw Self Out Window.
Now, we have Charlie Bit My Finger crossed with the heavy reboot atmospherics of Christopher Nolan’s Batman series, so it is called “Bitman Begins” and oh god we hate ourselves for even having to type that.
How terrible was this thing? On a scale of One to We Wish We Were Dead, this was Claw Own Eyes Out With Fingernails.
Finally, we reach the end, thank god, and it is David Goes to the Dentist crossed with Double Rainbow as some sort of musical hellscape.
How terrible was this thing? On a scale of One to We Wish We Were Dead, this is Haha Now We Are Dead.