VIDEO: Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

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Renegado leaves Mexico and journeys to Haganistan for a very special crossover with the Lecher Bitch herself, Diamanda Hagan! In Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, vampires are killing lesbians in Canada, and the only person who can stop them is the greatest vampire hunter of all: Jesus Christ! And just in case that’s not insane enough for you, God sends the masked Mexican wrestler El Santo to help out.

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  • FullofQuestions1

    And I thought “Abraham Lincoln” was a name that did not belong in a movie title with the words “Vampire Hunter” (I will be seeing that however).

    • MichaelANovelli

      Well, that’s because you have a soul!

    • Sofie Liv

      What are you talking about? That movie is gonna be amazing! (shut up, i’m allowed to dream.)

      Heh, great vid Renegado, I actually thought this movie looked… genuinely awesome. God is talking to Jesus through a berries dessert!? “Oh hey dad.”  I kind of liked that.  

      • MichaelANovelli

        I know, right?

      • Santo made it better, specially because we’re supposed to think he’s still alive in the film and that giant dude portraying him can still wrestle.

    • Oh, I think I’ll be seeing that one too, though it seems more serious than the sillyness of this one xD

      • FullofQuestions1

        I think it would work better as “Abraham Lincoln, Zombie Hunter” though- let’s face it, John C. Calhoun could’ve passed for one.
        And I do love how the trailer is portraying it as a serious biopic. But really, it’s a trailer with the catchphrase “Are you a patriot or a vampire?” How serious can it get.

        • Sofie Liv

           Well you know, high concept movies like that when done right can be awesome.

          Seven percent solution? Sherlock Holmes teams up with Sigmund Freud to solve a murder mystery.. and even though Holmes is fictional and Freud is not they still plays it completely straight and serious, which ended up in a weird but kind of cool movie.

          Or how about. “Time after Time.” where real life sci-fi author H.G. Wells some-how manages to build a real time-machine? Only to figure out one of his good friends is Jack the Ripper whom used the machine to escape and hide from the police.. eh.. sure.. H.G. Wells invented a time-machine Jack the ripper decided to borrow.. and again, that movie plays it completely straight, yet it’s actually genuinely good.

          So who knows, when it comes to Abraham Lincoln vampire hunter I got nothing to base an opinion on other than trailer and title. I have no idea whom the director is, never seen any of his prior works. (and that’s usually where I put most of my fore-expectations.) So yeah, I am a total blank in regard to whether I believe it’s going to be bad or not. 

          • MichaelANovelli

            Well, Seven Per Cent Solution had the advantage of being based on an amazing book!  I’ve never read Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, so I don’t know…

          • Sofie Liv

            Didn’t we establish that just because some-thing is based on a good book doesn’t mean it will be a good movie.
            That movie is it’s own medium and a good adaptation “interpret.” the source material much more than just “Copying.” to make it stand in its own right in the movie medium.
            And for that matter, if some-thing is based on a bad book doesn’t mean it can’t suddenly become good X)

            Case of point, even when stuff is based on a amazing book I still base my fore exspectations with on the director ware more than the source material…

        • MephLord

          I think they are saving that Zombie Hunter title for the sequel aptly named “Winston Churchill, Zombie Hunter” played by Michael Caine.

  • MichaelANovelli

    Yessir, whenever the words “crossover” and “Renegado” are in the same sentence, good old Charlie Callahan is never far behind!

    • He’s just surgically attached to every crossover I make, it’s like a golden rule XD

      • MichaelANovelli

        I wish Charlie was surgically connected to me.  Or, at least his Mr. Jenkins character…

  • Bouncy X

    this was made in my city, its a TERRIBLE movie on every level but it was cool seeing all the parts of town that i know. a few hollywood movies were made here and i didnt recognize anything in those so this was fun for that reason. lol

    but i love that it was so low budget they didnt even have sound and every bit of dialogue is ADR and the lip synch is sooo hilariously bad. lol

    • The Doctor was the most noticeable, none of his lines synched with his audio XD

  • Cristiona

    Ah yes, the clown car of atheists.  This movie is so wonderfully silly and goofy.  Nothing quite like a Biblical martial arts vampire musical about lesbians in Canada.

    • It’s so wrong, yet so right. That’s what makes this movie so great

  • Harkovast

    This movie looks hillarious but the commentary of this review is unfunny and annoying. This would have been better if it was just playing the original film. I had to switch this off.

  • Cyvaris

    Wait first I see Diamanda with the critic and now this!?! Jesus its a weird day.

    • MichaelANovelli

      That’s just how we roll around here!

      • Cyvaris

        Complete and utter insanity? Yeah I can deal with that.

    • The internet is a land of miracles :)