May 12, 2018
Jane the Virgin: When in Doubt, Doubt Some More
This week on Jane the Virgin: Jane has doubts about Rafael. Rita Moreno has doubts about Xiomara. Petra has doubts about Aaron.
Previously on Jane the Virgin:
- Jane dumped Michael for Rafael but is starting to regret that decision since Rafael’s idea of parenting is throwing money at the problem
- Petra still has feelings for Rafael but was starting to get over him by using Aaron until she realized Aaron is actually Roman, whom we all thought was dead…
- …Because he got stabbed in the chest by an icicle in front of hundreds of witnesses. I really didn’t think you could come back from that.
- Xiomara and Rogelio moved in together, but Xiomara needs Rogelio’s mother’s approval before they can go any further
- Michael’s ex-girlfriend Andie is befriending Jane while trying to win Michael back, unbeknownst to either Jane or Michael
- Oh yeah, and the Marbella is in trouble. AGAIN.
The Narrator explains that Easter is the Villanueva women’s favorite holiday: Jane likes the chocolate eggs, Xiomara likes being able to wear short sleeves again, and Alba loves the mass. Young Jane, who is also a devout Catholic, loves the mass too, until she starts questioning this whole “dude dying on a cross and then somehow resurrecting three days later.”
She brings her doubts to Alba, who tells Jane that she should just have a little faith. “Also, if you do not believe in God, then you cannot live in this house,” she says. “So believe in God or I’ll kill you.”
Hey, that’s the Catholic Church’s motto!
Jane gets with program and agrees to blindly have faith in a religion that listens to an old guy in a funny hat. But she can’t blindly have faith that her relationship with Rafael will get better, especially since he ditches her in Lamaze class to take a call from work. A Doubting Jane appears on her shoulder and sighs how Jane should prepare herself for the single mom life.
“At least I’ll still have the voices in my head.”
Jane helps Xiomara prepare for Rogelio’s mother, Rita Moreno. Xiomara is nervous because Rita Moreno hates her ever since she walked in on Xiomara and Rogelio having sex and was so shocked that she tripped and accidentally electrocuted her own cat. Also, Xiomara once said that West Side Story wasn’t that good. Rita Moreno takes cheap shots at Xiomara when she arrives, and Xiomara has a hard time controlling her temper. Jane and Alba tell Xiomara that in honor of Easter, she should learn to turn the other cheek.
Jane decides to confide in Andie about her problems with Rafael. Andie gets nervous when Jane compares how everything was so easy with Michael so Andie tells her it’s probably just hormones. “Stay with Rafael,” Andie tells her. “In fact, why aren’t you guys getting married? Lock that down, sister! Stay away from Michael, by the way.”
At the Marbella, Jane is distracted by texting Rafael, much to the annoyance of a customer. Jane apologizes, but the customer goes on a tirade about Millennials and their phones and how of course Jane is a terrible waitress since she’s pregnant and unmarried. “I should have you fired,” says the lady. “My baby daddy runs the hotel.I’d like to see you try, bitch,” snaps Jane.
Unfortunately for Jane, the rude customer turns out to be Mrs. Falco, the city commissioner Rafael needs to butter up to get his liquor license back.
“Oh, you’re going to see me try, bitch.”
Petra barges into Rafael’s office and demands that they get Aaron/Roman arrested for…something. But Rafael doesn’t believe that Aaron is an imposter and refuses to help her, so Petra breaks into Aaron’s hotel room to steal a glass with his fingerprints on it. She calls over Michael to pick up the glass to test it for her.
Meanwhile, Alba flirts with Cheech, her buddy from physical therapy class, but is too shy to ask him on a date. At Casa Villanueva, the women are preparing for Easter dinner when Rafael calls to tell Jane that they’ve been invited to Easter brunch with the Falcos. Even though Jane doesn’t want to spend another minute with Mrs. Falco, she agrees because she knows it will help Rafael. Rita Moreno compliments Jane and tells her that she’s doing the right thing by standing by her man. To prove her point, Rita Moreno tells Xiomara to stand by Rogelio and get him a glass of water.
No disrespect Mrs. Moreno, but “standing by your man” doesn’t mean like acting like a 50s housewife.
At the hotel, Jane is waiting for Rafael and bumps into Michael. He tells her about Andie, and Jane puts two and two together and realizes who Andie is. Before she can tell him, Rafael interrupts. He takes Jane aside and says he tracked down his mother (not to be confused with his crime lord step-mother). He sent her an email, and I can only imagine the e-card.
“By the way, this is Rafael at firstname.lastname@example.org”
At the church, Jane sees Alba’s crush Cheech, who is a priest.
Cheech, a priest? This truly is a telenovela world.
Alba tells Xiomara if she apologizes to Rita Moreno, Alba will ask out Cheech–because she doesn’t know Cheech is a man of the cloth. Xiomara agrees, but it turns out that the real reason Rita Moreno doesn’t like Xiomara is because Xiomara never told Rogelio she was pregnant. Xiomara is confused because she did tell Rogelio. In private, Rogelio admits that he didn’t want his EGOT-winning mother to know he was a flaky baby daddy. He already feels like a failure around her. However, he has had enough of Rita Moreno’s insults and stands up for Xiomara. He admits that he knew about the pregnancy and told Xiomara to get an abortion. “And a perm,” he says. “But the abortion thing was way worse.”
Meanwhile, Rafael and Jane are at brunch with the Falcos and split up to do their respective sucking up. Mrs. Falco is still being a bitch to Jane and tries to embarrass Jane in front of her rich friends by talking about things like dog shows and dressage, but Jane did her homework and is able to hold her own in the conversation. Instead of impressing Mrs. Falco, this only displeases her further.
Jane wonders what Mrs. Falco’s deal is, and on her way from the bathroom, she overhears the Falcos arguing. Mrs. Falco yells at her husband for ditching their daughter’s birthday for work, but Mr. Falco doesn’t care. He tells her to keep her mouth shut if she wants to keep enjoying their high life. Mrs. Falco sees that Jane overheard and, embarrassed, offers to help the Marbella in exchange for Jane’s silence.
Jane tells Mrs. Falco that it’s okay, and they make up. Still, Jane can’t help but wonder if she’s going to have Mrs. Falco’s life.
Hopefully Jane will have better hair than that.
Rita Moreno tells Xiomara that she is forgiven but still doesn’t approve of their relationship. Frustrated, Xiomara storms off. Xiomara drinks her troubles away at a bar and guess who shows up? Hot Soccer Dad! He asks how she is doing with Rogelio, and Xiomara admits her troubles. Hot Soccer Dad flatters her, and Xiomara kisses him but immediately regrets it.
Back at the hotel, Jane warns Rafael that he is getting sucked into a “Cat’s in the Cradle” life and needs to get out before they become rich entitled people with limp hair.
At Casa Villanueva, Alba tells Jane that she left a message to ask Cheech out, and Jane realizes she forgot to tell Alba that he is a priest. Alba doesn’t know whether to be ashamed she asked a priest out on Easter or thrilled that he said yes. They turn back to Jane’s problems, which are less interesting than the possible Thornbirds subplot. Alba tells Jane to have faith in Rafael, and Xiomara also comes by to hammer the message in one more time for the people in the cheap seats. Then they all hug.
At the Marbella, Rafael’s mom stops by, and they have dinner together. He demands to know why she left, and Rafael’s mom admits she cheated and that his father demanded she leave and never contact them again in exchange for $10 million. Rafael is further enraged when he finds out that his mom has been living three hours from him this whole time and he has a half-brother from his mother’s new marriage. He storms off and tells his mother that they shouldn’t have met.
Xiomara goes back to the her love pad with Rogelio, where he tells her that he told Rita Moreno to stuff it. He also says “I love you” for the first time, and Xiomara is so happy she decides not to tell him about her kiss with Hot Soccer Dad.
That’s awfully impressive of her. If I kissed Hot Soccer Dad, I would have told everyone in the world.
Petra is having dinner with Aaron and calls Michael to the hotel to be on standby to arrest Aaron if he is really Roman. Jane bumps into him and is about to tell him about Andie’s stalkerish behavior, but since he’s so happy, she decides not to.
Aaron meets Petra by the elevator, but instead of going to the restaurant, he takes her to the parking garage. “I know you know who I am,” he says as they drive off. Michael tries to call Petra to confirm that yeah, this is Roman, but her cell phone has no signal!
Jane goes to make up with Rafael, but he is still mad about his mom. He decides that his dad wasn’t a douche for bribing his mom to abandon him and vows to work even harder so he’ll have something to leave for his children. Jane tries to remind him that 1) the “Cat’s in the Cradle” song spells out exactly what will happen if he goes down this path and 2) Rafael never had a good relationship with his father because, you know, his dad was always working!
But Jane can’t reason with Rafael, and he tells her maybe they should just focus on raising the baby. Separately. As in, break up.
So let’s review:
- #TeamJaFael is broken up! Oh no!
- Rafael has apparently never listened to “Cat’s in the Cradle” because he thinks working all of the time will make him a great dad. Well, the hotel does need someone to run it…
- Petra has been kidnapped by
AaronRoman. But for what reason?
- Alba is about to enter a Thornbirds relationship with Cheech. Hurray for her!
- Xiomara and Rogelio are going strong…so long as it doesn’t get out that Xiomara kissed Hot Soccer Guy