Jane the Virgin RECAP: Jane's Very Public Plan to Put Out (S1:E3)

Editor’s Note: Daily Beast just declared Jane the Virgin to be the CW’s “best show ever,” so if you’re not reading the recaps, you should be! (Watching the show still optional.)

Previously on Jane the Virgin:

  • Jane was accidentally inseminated with her boss Rafael’s sperm by his sister (and her OB/GYN) Luisa
  • Luisa might be getting back together with her ex-girlfriend Rose…who is also her step-mother
  • Let’s not think about how gross that is
  • Jane has decided to sue Luisa. If she wins, Rafael will lose his hotel
  • Rafael wants to divorce Petra, but she managed to convince him to stay
  • Petra was having an affair with Zazo, but last episode Zazo was murdered at a party at the hotel
  • Michael, a cop and Jane’s fiancé, was spying on Zazo to see if he was linked to a drug kingpin
  • Jane’s mother Xiomara hooked up with Jane’s secret father Rogelio, who is now a famous telenovela star and they were caught by Alba, Jane’s grandmother

Get it? Got it? No? Too bad. Let’s dive into cheesy telenovela land!

The Narrator explains that when Jane was a little girl, she wished on a firefly that 1) she would grow boobs and 2) someone would want to touch them. When she was sixteen, she got her wish—except her boyfriend promptly dumped her when he found out she was going to wait until marriage to have sex.

Alba and Xiomara comforted Jane after the breakup and told her that she did the right thing. However, Xiomara suggests that Jane tell boys that she likes to take it slow instead of being all, “If you want to see my thing, you better put on a ring!” However, Alba tells Jane, “A lie of omission is a lie just the same.” They both tell Jane to wait until the right man comes along.

JANE THE VIRGIN RECAP: Jane's Very Public Plan to Put Out (S1:E3)

And to avoid male genetalia.

In present day, the only person getting laid in the Villanueva household is Xiomara. She is starting to hook up with Rogelio, who hopes to reconnect with his secret daughter Jane as much as he is “reconnecting” with Xiomara.

Although not in an incestuous way.

Alba helps Xiomara sneak Rogelio out of the house, much to his dismay because he is still waiting to be introduced to Jane. Alba distracts Jane from noticing him by telling her that she is happy that Jane didn’t turn out like Xiomara, but Xiomara reminds her, “We both ended up unmarried and pregnant.”

Jane has an epiphany and tells Michael that the one thing she always feared while growing up—being an unmarried pregnant woman like her mother—has finally happened and her life hasn’t become terrible. She announces that she wants to have sex. “Let’s change the title of this show!” she says.

Michael is so happy that he hears an angelic choir in his head.

I drew in the angelic choir so you could picture it.

I drew in the angelic choir so you could picture it.

At the police station, Michael preps Jane to give a statement about the night of Zazo’s murder. She teases him that she loves it when he gets all “good cop” on her. Michael offers to sneak away on his break so they can have sex, but Jane insists on her first time being more romantic.

Meanwhile, Rafael and Petra are also discussing Zazo’s death. Rafael is upset that his father wants him to cancel Zazo’s memorial and distance the hotel from the murder. Rafael has to do what his father wants because his father is the majority owner, much to his frustration. He tells Petra that he has to track down Zazo’s brother to inform him of the death, and Petra pretends not to know anything about Zazo.

She realizes her necklace is missing and that she must have left it at Zazo’s place. She needs to get it back before the police, led by Michael, do any more digging.

Michael and his partner argue over whether or not Petra is a suspect in the murder. Michael is eager to distance Petra from the case, partly because he doesn’t want to slow down his investigation of the drug kingpin known as The Big Bad Wolf. Also, he worries that if Petra is linked to Zazo’s murder, her affair with him will also be exposed. Since Jane’s whole decision to give up the baby hinges on the belief that Rafael and Petra are happily married, Michael has to keep that illusion alive or else he’ll be stuck raising someone else’s kid.

And his life will become “Stop or My Baby Will Shoot!”

And his life will become “Stop or My Baby Will Shoot!”

The police captain decides on a compromise: they will continue to wait and see if The Big Bad Wolf reveals himself, but if there is any evidence linking Petra to the crime, they will switch the focus to her.

And hey, speaking of the adulterous devil, Petra texts Michael to meet her.

At the hotel, Jane sees Rafael speaking with the police. She asks if he knew Zazo, and he explains that Zazo was his best friend. Jane, feeling sorry for him, gently places her hand on his arm. However, it’s a little awkward when the woman whom your sister accidentally inseminated with your sperm pats your arm comfortingly to help your through the murder of your best friend. They both quickly excuse themselves.

At work, Jane’s co-workers/friends suggest that Jane use the eleventh floor suites as the place to finally have sex with Michael since the whole floor is being shut down to investigate the hotel room Zazo was pushed out of. Personally, I would be freaked out to have sex in the same place where a person was murdered, but Jane loves the idea. She gets back to work to serve some customers, but they turn out to be Luisa, Luisa’s father, and Luisa ex-girlfriend/step-mother.

Awkward!

Awkward!

Once again, Jane quickly excuses herself. Luisa’s father also leaves the table so Luisa takes the opportunity to hit on Rose again. However, Rose tells her that their hookup was a mistake and should never have happened. “There are just so many wrong things about this relationship,” says Rose. “Even for a telenovela.”

Since Jane doesn’t have to wait on anybody, she takes the opportunity to check out the eleventh floor suites. She sees Petra meet Michael at the crime scene, where Petra begs him to steal back her necklace for her. Jane tries to confront them, but Petra and Michael claim that they were just discussing hotel security. However, she is still not convinced.

On her break, she runs into Rafael. He asks her to help him to write the press release for the hotel. “Is there a way to allude to the same thing but make it seem nicer?” he asks. “Like, it was a real bummer Zazo died, but please keep spending your money here?” Jane tells Rafael to stand up to his dad more often, and he pats her knee as a thank you for her encouragement.

When he does, Jane starts to feel a quickening in her heart.

Uh-oh. Hopefully it’s heartburn.

Uh-oh. Hopefully it’s heartburn.

Meanwhile, at Casa Villanueva, Xiomara receives a present from Rogelio but is disappointed to see it’s all pre-packaged merchandise from the telenovela. Alba tells Xiomara to tell Jane the truth. “But with the pregnancy, I just don’t want to overwhelm her right now,” protests Xiomara. Xiomara dismisses Alba’s concerns and reminds her that Rogelio agreed to keep his distance.

Just not from the hotel Jane works at. That’s right, Rogelio is moving into the hotel to be closer to Jane.

At the crime scene, Michael secretly takes back Petra’s necklace and is surprised by Rafael, who wants to know information for his press release. Michael brushes him off, but his partner informs Rafael that Zazo’s death could have been an accident or a murder. “Or a crime of passion,” she adds.

At work, Jane sees Rogelio and becomes excited to see her favorite telenovela star. She asks to take a selfie with him and he agrees, still not telling her that he is her father.

Selfie with the daughter I just found I have and am currently stalking! #nofilter

Selfie with the daughter I just found I have and am currently stalking! #nofilter

Jane happily texts the picture to her mother, who is furious at Rogelio for violating their agreement. Alba vows to go give him a piece of her mind.

Jane sneaks into Petra and Rafael’s apartment, pretending to drop off dry cleaning. She is really there to do some snooping but gets caught by Petra. Jane is about to lie and then she remembers Alba’s caution against lying so she admits the truth: she wanted to spy on Petra because she saw Petra taking a pill outside the crime scene and was concerned.

Petra quickly assuages her fears by claiming the pills were anxiety medication and she doesn’t take them very often. She distracts Jane by showing her the nursery, and Jane cries and apologizes. Man, if you ever need to make a pregnant woman stop suspecting you of something sinister, just show her a baby nursery and let the pregnancy hormones take it from there.

Meanwhile, Alba goes to the TV studio to confront Rogelio but is too star struck to truly be mad at him.

Rogelio charms Alba, and Alba agrees to convince Xiomara to let Rogelio meet Jane. Xiomara tries to protest and remind Alba that Rogelio is just an actor, but Alba declares, “Anyone that heroic onscreen must have a hero inside them!”

Alba needs to look up the definition of acting.

This better be one relationship that never happens in this show. *shudders*

This better be one relationship that never happens in this show. *shudders*

At the police station, Michael and his partner are going over Petra’s alibi. Jane comes by to apologize for being suspicious and tells him that Petra gave them the presidential suite for their special night. However, she has to go to mass first, at Alba’s assistance. Michael is understandably worried because Jane is super Catholic and might be easily swayed by the message.

And she is.

The priest is up there talking about how God never gives people more than what they can handle, which is the message Alba and Xiomara were going to use to prep Jane to meet her father, but Jane believes the universe is telling her not to have sex with Michael… or to at least tell her grandmother about it.

“Don’t have sex, Jane! Do-o-n’t have sex!” They literally sing that.

“Don’t have sex, Jane! Do-o-n’t have sex!” They literally sing that.

It’s as hilarious as it sounds.

Jane announces her plan to have premarital sex, and Alba is disappointed in her. But Xiomara encourages Jane to follow through. She goes to the hotel to meet Michael but stops by the memorial Rafael planned for Zazo. He asks her to dance, and Jane feels that quickening in her heart, which she’s not so sure if she can blame on heartburn anymore. She quickly leaves to go meet Michael, but everything around her makes her doubt her decision.

In another room down the hall, Luisa and Rose are having sex. Rose tells Luisa that they can fool around but she will never leave her husband, much to Luisa’s disappointment. When she sees her father approaching the room, Luisa pulls the fire alarm so everyone has to evacuate, including Jane and Michael.

Outside, Jane receives a voicemail from Alba, who tells Jane to save herself for the man she is going to marry. Now Jane isn’t so sure if that man is Michael. He suggests they move the wedding up instead of waiting, and Jane agrees.

Meanwhile, when Rafael tells Petra that he still hasn’t tracked down Zazo’s brother, Petra accidentally mentions his name, something she wasn’t supposed to know. Now Rafael is suspicious of her. Michael calls Petra and reveals that he’s discovered she was in the stairwell by Zazo’s room before he died. Petra refuses to say why she was there and blackmails Michael into helping her cover up her involvement or else he’ll lose his job and Jane.

Back at Casa Villanueva, Xiomara is pouting that Rogelio is still a jerk and wasn’t going to whisk her away like in a fairy tale.

Sound advice, Alba.

Sound advice, Alba.

Then Xiomara finds an engraved bracelet in her gift basket and becomes full of hope again. Jane comes home and admits that she didn’t have sex. Alba is delighted, and the Villanueva women’s excitement grows when Jane announces that the wedding is being moved up as well.

Jane sees a firefly and quickly catches it to wish that she would stop having feelings for Rafael. However, her firefly dies in her hand.

That’s no bueno.

So let’s review:

  • Jane is pregnant with Rafael’s baby and is starting develop feelings for him
  • Michael has agreed to cover up Petra’s involvement in Zazo’s death so he can catch a drug kingpin and prevent Rafael from divorcing her
  • Rafael is finally becoming suspicious of his shady wife and might divorce her after all
  • Luisa is still sleeping with her ex-girlfriend/current step-mother
  • Xiomara and Alba have agreed to let Rogelio meet Jane
  • Jane and Michael’s wedding is being moved up so they can finally have sex

For more Jane the Virgin and all our other shows, check out the HNTP recap library!

Susan Velazquez

Susan is a recent college grad and writer who enjoys all things from the 1980s, snarking on dumb television, and reveling in celebrity gossip. Oh, and she has serious interests like reading historical fiction, getting involved in social issues, and consuming French fries.

TV Show: Jane the Virgin

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  • Julie

    I love your artistic rendition of the choir! Did you do that on MS Paint? That’s impressive! Everytime I try to draw something using MS Paint, it looks like something a five-year old drew, while holding crayons in his teeth. :)So, any early guesses as to Zazo’s killer? I’d like it to be someone we’ve already met on the show, like Petra’s mother, Raphael’s father, or one of Jane’s waiter / waitress friends, as opposed to someone they introduce randomly at the end of the season.