Jane the Virgin RECAP: Follow Your Dreams... And Your Suspicions (S1: E9)

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Previously on Jane the Virgin:

  • Jane and Rafael are officially dating!
  • Yay!
  • Xiomara is pursuing her singing career and is about to get a record deal!
  • Cool!
  • Petra is holding Sketchy Czech Dude hostage!
  • Whoa.
  • Michael is on the hunt to catch Sin Rostro, a notorious drug lord!
  • LITERALLY NO ONE CARES!!!!!!!!

Get it? Got it? No? Too bad. We’re diving headfirst into telenovela land.

The Narrator tells us that you never forget your first, and since Jane is still a virgin (hence the title of the show), he tells us about the time she wrote her first short story.

Man, Jane has an incredibly specific memory. I can’t even remember what I did yesterday.

So Young Jane remembers the night she wrote her first short story, and as she’s about to print, she imagines all her stuffed animals and printer encouraging her.

Well, that explains why Jane remembers that night so well. It was also the same night she experimented with acid.

Well, do you have another explanation?

Well, do you have another explanation?

However, when Jane goes to show her family her story, she overhears Alba scolding Xiomara for pursuing a career in singing. “Dreams don’t pay the bills!” Alba says. Xiomara agrees to get a real job and keep a better eye on the drugs that Jane takes.

Now, in the present, The Narrator reveals that Jane continued to quietly submit short stories and today is the first time she’s ever been accepted! “I told you that you were good at this,” says her printer.

Jane is about to freak out but then remembers that the doctor told her that acid flashbacks are normal.

Even though they don’t seem like it.

Even though they don’t seem like it.

Jane is in a good mood at breakfast but doesn’t tell the family that she got published. Instead, she pretends her happiness comes from her excitement over Xiomara’s big meeting with a record label. Jane admits to Rafael the good news but tells him that she is not going to let the story be published because it’s based a little too closely on Xiomara.

Meanwhile, Rogelio is gunning for the Telenovela Oscar, and Xiomara is preparing for her big meeting by taking some acid to calm down.

You think I’m joking? Her Paulina Rubio poster gives her advice on makeup and shoes.

“No white shoes after Labor Day, Xiomara!”

“No white shoes after Labor Day, Xiomara!”

At the sonogram, Jane prays for the health of the baby and realizes she doesn’t know if Rafael believes in God. “Jane, I’m rich,” he says. “We believe in money.” The ultrasound technician makes a snide comment about how this is the type of thing you should tell each other before you have a baby. “I was accidentally artificially inseminated!” snaps Jane.

Come on, Jane. How long is that going to be your excuse?

To add to the trouble in paradise, Petra barges in and announces that she is planning on pursuing custody of the baby. You see, when Petra and Rafael were married, they were planning on using a surrogate to conceive since Petra’s womb is as unfriendly as she is. And now, Jane is technically their surrogate since she agreed to carry the baby so Petra has a legal claim over it.

Well, in Telenovela Land at least. I’m not sure exactly how strong Petra’s case would hold up in the real world.

"Eight seconds, tops."

“Eight seconds, tops.”

Speaking of unrealistic situations, Petra and her mother leave their Sketchy Czech Dude hostage unattended while they go to a meeting. To keep him entertained, they let him watch Rogelio’s telenovela. Unfortunately for them, the particular episode is about Rogelio’s character escaping a hostage situation.

They should have let him watch Sesame Street instead.

They should have let him watch Sesame Street instead.

Michael goes to the hotel to see his brother Billy, who  has a job there now. Michael has a theory that Sin Rostro is actually Rafael but needs proof; otherwise he looks like a jealous, crazy man trying to get back at the baby daddy of his ex-fiancée.

Which he is.

Meanwhile, Xiomara’s meeting with the record label went badly, and she decides it’s time to give up on her silly dream of becoming a singer. When she uses Jane’s laptop, she sees the short story Jane submitted to the magazine.

Jane runs into Michael when he is leaving the hotel, and she sobs about Petra’s custody case. Michael suggests that Jane wear a wire around Petra and record her admitting something incriminating to get the case thrown out. Rafael is not pleased with the idea and offers to just meet whatever settlement Petra wants. He calls Jane naïve for wanting to work with Michael.

“I am not naïve just because I want to accept help from my cop ex-fiancé who not so secretly hates you and may still have feelings for me!” Jane cries.

JANE THE VIRGIN RECAP: Follow Your Dreams... And Your Suspicions (S1: E9)

Oh, Jane. So young. So naïve. Like, really naive.

At Casa de Villanueva, Xiomara is still sulking over her bad meeting. Oh, and the fact that the short story Jane wrote based on her made her look like a huge ‘ho. Xiomara confronts Jane about it and asks if that’s how she really feels. Jane admits that she didn’t like how her mother dated so many men, and Xiomara reveals that she dated casually so Jane wouldn’t get attached to any of them. “Also I was a huge ‘ho,” she says.

Xiomara forgives Jane for the mean portrayal and reveals that she signed Jane’s publishing consent form. “I am not going to be the reason that you miss your window,” she tells Jane.

Sketchy Czech Dude watches Petra and her mother give each other manicures and remembers how Rogelio’s character used a nail file to escape from his handcuffs. He brings up the Milos Situation to distract them.

Ah, the Milos Situation. In case you are wondering why Petra’s mother has a horrible scar on her face and is in a wheelchair, the Milos Situation explains it. You see, back in the Czech Republic, Petra was dating some dude named Milos.

I know you think he's ugly but by Czech standards, he is a solid 8.

I know you think he’s ugly but by Czech standards, he is a solid 8.

Anyway, he and Petra broke up and to get back at her, he planned to throw acid in her face. That’s how Czech people get over their exes—none of this “watching crappy romcoms and crying into your ice cream” thing that we Americans do.

As luck would have it, Magda got the face full of acid instead, then accidentally fell into traffic and got her legs crushed. And since Milos never got closure, he’s still looking for Petra. As the women reminisce, Sketchy Czech Dude steals the nail file.

Rafael texts Jane and agrees to work with Michael to incriminate Petra. Unbeknownst to him, Michael is breaking into his office and finds some incriminating evidence that links Rafael to Sin Rostro.

Jane meets with Petra to trap her, but Petra is really committed to the “I really want this baby and have no ulterior motives AT ALL!” act. After the plan fails, Michael warns Jane not to trust Rafael, but she ignores him. Rafael fact checks Petra’s sob story and realizes that it doesn’t add up. He and Jane decide to play Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys to catch Petra.

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!

At the Telenovela Oscars, Xiomara bumps into the real Paulina Rubio. After double checking that she is not on acid, Xiomara tells Paulina about her failed dream to become a singer. Paulina encourages Xiomara not to give up, and it turns out Rogelio arranged their meeting because he knew what it would mean to Xiomara. Since it’s Encourage Xiomara Day in this episode, Jane also tells Xiomara that it’s okay to admit her feelings for Rogelio.

Thanks to their amateur detective skills, Jane and Rafael have put enough evidence together to figure out that Petra has been using another woman’s identity so they have leverage against her. Petra agrees to back off lest they find out about her Sketchy Czech Past.

Until the next time she decides to blackmail Rafael for money or something.

Speaking of amateur detectives, Michael pulls Rafael away from the party to confront him over the evidence in the safe, but of course the safe is empty when they check it.

Nice try, douche. Brush up on your Hardy Boys.

Nice try, douche. Brush up on your Hardy Boys.

Michael tears apart the hotel room looking for more clues and accidentally discovers a secret trap door. Meanwhile, a drunk Alba goes to yell angrily at Petra in Spanish and sees Magda holding the Sketchy Czech Dude hostage. She runs away, but Magda stands up from her wheelchair and pushes Alba down the stairs!

And that’s the end of the episode. Guess we’ll have to wait until after the hiatus to find out what’ll happen in Telenovela Land.

So let’s review:

  • Jane and Rafael are dating!
  • Yay!
  • Petra has been defeated!
  • Yeah, right.
  • Magda pushed Alba down a flight of stairs because it turns out Magda can walk after all!
  • *Gasp!*
  • Michael found a new clue in his case!
  • NO ONE CARES!

See you guys after the hiatus.

Susan Velazquez

Susan is a recent college grad and writer who enjoys all things from the 1980s, snarking on dumb television, and reveling in celebrity gossip. Oh, and she has serious interests like reading historical fiction, getting involved in social issues, and consuming French fries.

TV Show: Jane the Virgin

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