Sep 30, 2019
Jane the Virgin: ¡Calle Loco!
Jane is in a spat with Raphael, Xiomara is in a feud with Alba, Rogelio is on a stakeout with Michael, and a popstar’s pooch is on the loose in the hotel. Pretty much no one is whether they’re supposed to be on this week’s Jane the Virgin.
The CW is being really annoying with the airing of their episodes. First, they took a winter hiatus; then, they took off another two weeks; and now, they’re not coming back with new episodes until April 6. At this rate, we’ll never see a season finale. I guess that must be the CW’s overall plan — if they stop airing new episodes of Jane the Virgin, then they’ll probably have to resort to reruns of Hart of Dixie on Mondays. *shudder*
I was on vacation last week (sorry if you actually had to watch an episode instead of reading the recaps), and since this week no new episode aired, I will be doing my duty to catch you guys up on what we missed. Previously on Hart of Dixie…
- Rafael proposed to Jane… and she turned him down
- Why? Because she’s not ready for marriage, it’s too soon, blah blah
- LIES, JANE! It’s because Michael is worming his way back into your heart! Wow, that was a bad image there…
- Xiomara and Rogelio are moving in together!
- Rogelio’s job on his telenovela where he plays an intergalactic space detective should be awesome except his rival Esteban is a Wesley Crusher instead of a James T. Kirk :(
- Petra is running the hotel, and Rafael is helping her so they can oust Lachlan
- And oh yeah, remember how Rose is Sin Rostro, a.k.a. the notorious drug trafficker? That happened
Get it? Got it? No? Too bad. We’re diving headfirst into telenovela land.
The Narrator explains that Jane’s first love was salsa dancing, which is very strange to me since I figured Jane would be scandalized by the men and women touching each other and moving so sensually. But Jane loved the fantasy of the two dancers being madly in love with each other, which was severely crushed when the Villanueva family found one of the salsa dancers making out with the churro guy. It was at this moment that Jane realized that fantasy can’t beat reality and she should stop assuming people are dating just because they danced together.
But you danced with that other guy! You’re practically married!
In the present day, Jane is having an awkward lunch with Rafael, who seems to prefer his phone over her. He claims it’s because he’s busy organizing the hotel’s events for Calle Ocho, the annual Latin festival, but Jane worries that he is being distant because he’s upset that she didn’t want to get married to him. I can see why Rafael is hurt: he is way richer, better looking, and cooler than Michael so this experience must be very confusing right now.
Back over on #TeamRiomara, there is hardly any trouble in paradise. They’ve finally found a house of their own, Alba has no problem with them living together before marriage, and even though fans aren’t responding to Rogelio’s new show, the happy couple is, well, happy. Jane decides to stop obsessing over Rafael and focus on finishing her romance novel. Uh-oh, writing a romance novel because your relationship has gotten dull? Isn’t this how Fifty Shades of Grey came about?
Uh oh…hope that doesn’t get kinky.
Thankfully for all of humankind, Jane suffers a case of writer’s block.
Back at the hotel, Petra happily shows Rafael a tweet from Rogelio’s page that shows that he is buds with a famous Latin musician. All they have to do is ask Rogelio if he’ll pull some strings and get his friend to perform at the hotel. Rafael is suspicious and demands to know why Petra is following Rogelio on Twitter and if she has any schemes up her sleeve. “I’m not completely evil, Rafael,” she snaps. “I can follow celebrities on Twitter for no reason at all!”
Huh. Schemers: they’re just like us.
Jane bumps into Michael at the hotel, and he gives her a flyer for a romance writer’s workshop. Jane thinks this is perfect and thanks Michael a little too much for my liking. Fortunately, Rogelio interrupts to bemoan about how no one is believing his performance as an interplanetary detective. He asks Michael if he can shadow him to get a feel for what a real detective is like. Next week, he’ll shadow an astronaut to get the interplanetary part right.
Michael meets with Aaron, Roman Zazo’s twin brother, who gives him the Mysterious USB Drive from last episode. Meanwhile, Jane is having a good time at her writer’s workshop until it comes time to critique a fellow writer. Jane thinks they’re going to do the usual writer’s workshop thing and critique the piece, but it turns out these guys are more of hippie-dippie “let’s be gentle with feelings” types, so she accidentally makes a member cry just because Jane suggested the characters weren’t believable enough.
“Don’t listen to that mean girl. How dare she give you tips to improve?! Bitch!”
Rafael meets with Rogelio to ask if Rogelio will call in his Latin singer friend to perform at the hotel, but Rogelio thinks Rafael is going to apologize for not asking permission to propose to Jane. “Next time you propose to Jane, I want us to talk,” says Rogelio. “Won’t happen again,” says Rafael. “Probably because I’m never proposing to Jane ever again. Like, ever.”
Jane tries to talk to Rafael about their relationship, but he tells her that he doesn’t want to talk about his failed proposal. Back at Casa Villanueva, Jane focuses on her writing and helping her mother pack for her big move out. Alba comes in and asks why they’re fighting over clothes, and Xiomara reminds Alba that she’s moving out. And Alba’s reaction?
Hey, isn’t that like that Friends episode “The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel” where Rachel admits she wasn’t crying about moving out because she didn’t think Monica and Chandler were really that serious? Well, instead of crying about how this is the end of an era, Alba and Xiomara get into a screaming match over whether living together before marriage is a sin. “Why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?” screams Alba. “You’ll be back here within a month!”
Damn, how weird would that have been if Rachel said the exact same things to Monica?
Jane decides to play peacemaker and arrange for her mother and Alba to meet at the hotel’s Calle Ocho celebration. She also makes up with the writer that she made cry in class and offers her a suite at the hotel as a sorry present.
In a subplot no one really cares about, Aaron’s Mysterious USB revealed the name “Tony Vaughn,” so now Michael has to track that guy down, with Rogelio obnoxiously shadowing him. At the hotel, the Latin popstar arrives and demands that Petra and Rafael look after his neurotic dog. Petra and Rafael agree to split the work, and Petra is on dog duty first. She goes to Rafael’s suite to pick up the dog’s supplies, only to find Jane lip synching to Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” as an attempt at a grand romantic gesture for Rafael. Who, you know, is Petra’s ex-husband and current business partner.
Even the dog knows what’s up.
At the stakeout outside of this mysterious Tony Vaughn’s house, Rogelio and Michael bond, and Michael takes the opportunity to ask about Jane’s relationship. It is very hard for him to hide his joy when he hears Jane turned down Rafael’s proposal. And it’s a good thing he wasn’t around to witness another fight between Rafael and Jane, who tells Rafael that he proposed too soon and she is sick of feeling guilty for not accepting something she didn’t want.
Michael and Rogelio follow Tony Vaughn to the Calle Ocho festival, where Rogelio gets mobbed by his fans. However, he uses them to sic them on Tony Vaughn, and the police arrest him! Meanwhile, Petra and Rafael lose the dog they were supposed to be taking care of. Because Rafael is busy chasing down a fifteen pound canine with his ex-wife/business partner, he isn’t at the hotel’s performance with Jane. She fantasizes that Rafael shows up and they have a big dance number to make herself feel better, but when the song is over, she realizes that she is still alone.
Petra and Rafael find the dog and have a bonding moment. He thanks Petra for her advice on his relationship with Jane and goes off to make up with her. Petra watches forlornly. Uh-oh? Is she still in love with Rafael?
Looks like it might be time to start scheming again…
Rafael and Jane make up, and he admits that she was right about him proposing too early. He explains that he wanted to get married since everyone in his life has left him — his father is dead, his sister ran off with his ex-stepmother, and his mom left when he was little. Jane assures him that she is not going away and suggests they track down his mom.
But the Narrator warns that they may not be prepared for the answers…
And oh yeah, Michael bumped into his ex-girlfriend, Andie, who is in the same writers workshop as Jane. Whatever.
So to recap:
- Xiomara is moving out, and unlike that Friends episode, there was a lot more yelling than crying.
- Jane and Rafael are patching things up!
- Except Petra and Michael might be thinking of splitting those two up
- Although Michael might be distracted by his ex-girlfriend
- The search for Roman Zazo’s killer is still on! Wait, why do we care again?