Jane finally moved on from Michael and accepted Rafael’s offer for a date
Speaking of Michael, he took a road trip with Nadine to track down Sin Rostro
Rogelio is struggling to find a new show after his last one ended
Magda (accidentally?) murdered the Czech henchman Milos sent so now she and Petra have to figure out how to get rid of the body
Get it? Got it? No? Too bad we’re diving headfirst into telenovela land.
Rafael wants to hire a babysitter so he and Jane can go on their date since no one in their family is available. Jane is hesitant over leaving Mateo with a stranger because the last time they did that, he got kidnapped. However, she finally agrees when Rafael promises to do extensive background checks on every applicant–even the thirteen year old down the street. You never know how young Sin Rostro starts recruiting.
Xiomara wrote a theme song for Rogelio’s telenovela/unintentional parody version of Mad Men and even though Rogelio loves the song, he can’t use it because he’s been denied the rights to the show. The unseen TV executive just does not appreciate cheesy telenovelas. The cheese is an acquired taste, I suppose.
Jane bumps into Michael when she goes Black Friday shopping but he blows her off. Jane is slightly hurt until she remembers she’s not allowed to angsty about love triangles anymore. She goes to mixer for her grad school in hopes of securing Lorraine Bolton as her advisor. Unfortunately for her, Lorraine Bolton is in demand for a lot of people, including Jane’s slightly condescending Professor Chavez. Jane complains about Professor Chavez to her grad school bff Wesley but Wesley would rather get dirt on how the Solanos spend their holidays. If you don’t remember, Wesley is secretly writing a tell-all book about the Solano family and is using an unsuspecting Jane as his source. He gets Jane drunk so she’ll keep talking about the Solanos and loosen up to talk to Lorraine.
Unfortunately, Jane gets too loose.
Michael attends the funeral of Nadine, who died protecting him in a shootout in Mexico. One of Nadine’s friends tells Michael to stay away from them and Michael reluctantly leaves. Poor Michael: no fiance, no job, and now he’s getting kicked out of funerals.
Embarrassed, Jane drops off an apology note in Lorraine’s office and managed to bond with Lorraine over the fact they are both mothers. Lorraine agrees to read over Jane’s work, much to Jane’s excitement. This puts Jane in such a good mood that she is ready to start interviewing babysitters. They’re either too mean, too lax, or too good looking that they are a distraction for Xiomara. Sorry pretty people, there’s no equal opportunity employer for you! The only applicant Jane is pleased with is Chepa, a Peruvian retired nurse who is sweet and loveable.
Rogelio goes home and admits that his show has been cancelled. He also admits that he sank his own money into the show and he doesn’t own any of his assets. “I lease everything–like Tyga,” explains Rogelio. Oh, Rogeli. Why would you lease anything? More importantly, why would you model your financial future to a rapper whose greatest claim to fame is banging the youngest Kardashian? Anyway, Rogelio is now basically broke.
They are all horrified that he is taking financial advice from Tyga.
Jane goes to a meeting with Lorraine as Wesley sneaks into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting to talk to Luisa. Luisa, who has a history of trusting the wrong people and loves any excuse to talk about her love life, eagerly blabs to Wesley about the whole Sin Rostro/Rose thing. She also reveals that she and Rafael are actually half siblings. Her mother committed suicide and to avoid scandal, Mr. Solano forged a death certificate that said she died of cancer. Wesley suspects something is up with this story and Luisa agrees. She wonders if her mother faked her death and is still out there.
Meanwhile, Jane’s meeting with Lorraine is less productive. All Lorraine gives her is generic advice about turning the volume up, making people gasp,and throwing some more pizzazz into the story. Jane doesn’t know what to d with the generic advice as she tries t rewrite her story and becomes frustrated.
Hey, I’d read that.
Jane remembers the notes Condescending Professor Chavez gave her and realizes that even though he is a big meanie, he is a big meanie who can help her be a better writer.
Rogelio is forced to take a job at a generic ranchero soap opera, much to his dismays. Jane offers to show Rogelio how to live on a budget but he refuses. He explains that he does not want to be reminded of the days “in my one bedroom apartment, eating Ramen noodles, broke and miserable”. Dude, you’re downsizing to a fancy condo instead of a cheap one bedroom and you’re probably going to be eating helluva lot better than Ramen noodles. Anyway, Xiomara gets a call that Esteban, Rogelio’s arch rival, wants to use her song in his successful telenovela. Rogelio storms Esteban’s set and accuses him of using Xiomara to make Rogelio angry. Turns out, Esteban had no idea about Ximara’s song but now that he does, he decides to go with someone else to make Rogelio mad. Xiomara is furious with Rogelio when she finds out and accuses him of being selfish. “It’s always about you and finally there is one thing about me and you ruin it!” she cries.
Petra invites Jane to lunch and it seems like against all odds, these two ladies can actually be friends. However, Petra has to help her mother cover up the dead body in their hotel room so she bails on Jane. Speaking of bailing, Chepa quits her baby sitting job before she even begins. No, it’s not that she’s secretly a Sin Rostro henchman or is crazier than than the hippie applicant who didn’t believe in diapers. Chepa is annoyed by Jane’s micromanaging and decides to find another client who isn’t so crazy.
But will their baby be as cute as this guy? Seriously, that’s a damn cute baby.
Even though Michael is no longer involved with Jane, he is still part of the plot since he’s the only guy actively looking for Sin Rostro. Turns out, he got fired from his job as part of an act that would let him go undercover without any suspicion. He infiltrated a bar that is suspected to be a money laundering front for Sin Rostro but as he puts the clues together with his partner Susanna, they realize the club uses blue silk ties–just like Mutter, the OG drug lord of Miami. “We know Mutter kidnapped Luisa to send a message to Rose. I think Rose is planning to send a message back,” says Michael.
Jane goes crawling back to Condescending Professor Chavez and asks him to be her adviser but he turns her down. He informs her that he saw the email where she complained about him to Wesley. Turns out Jane accidentally hit “reply” instead “forward” when she was drunk.
Petra and her mother come up with a “Weekend at Bernie’s” solution to dealing with their dead body. They’ll drench him in vodka and lemons to cover the smell and convince everyone he’s just a passed out drunk who needs to be wheeled out. Unfortunately, Petra runs into Jane when they are trying to sneak the body out so to get rid of Jane, Petra claims that she thought the two could be friends but in reality they can’t. Jane is confused but shrugs it off since let’s be honest: it’d be weird to be friends with your baby daddy’s ex-wife who spent a lot of time trying to keep the two of you apart and then secretly impregnated herself with his sperm in hopes of getting him back. Petra, however, is sad that she lost her only chance for a friend.
The Vilanuevas visit the set of Rogelio’s telenovela to offer their support, even though Xiomara is still hurt that he accidentally sabotaged her career. Rogelio is touched and makes a deal with Esteban: Rogelio will guest star in a humiliating jester role if Esteban uses Xiomara’s song.
The things we do for family.
Jane also makes amends with Condescending Professor Chavez. She offers to take his class for no credit just because she wants to learn how to be a bette writer from him. Chavez agrees to be her adviser, but only so he has to see Jane once a week. With her life in place, Jane is finally ready to let Mateo go in Chepa’s care. However, her date with Rafael gets canceled when the expose on the Solano family hits the Internet and they have to return home to damage control. When Jane checks the nanny cam, she sees prof of Rafael arguing with one of Nadine’s friends, who is upset that Rafael convinced him to snitch on Michael about letting Nadine go. Jane is angry that Rafael got Michael fired and storms off.
The only people happy in the aftermath of the Solano expose are Luisa and Michael. Luisa is happy because now she thinks her mother is still alive and has her suspicions confirmed when the casket at the funeral home is empty. Michael is happy because he thinks he found out who Mutter is–she’s Luisa’s mother.
So let’s review:
Jane is mad at Rafael for getting her ex-boyfriend fired.
Petra is sad because her only friend is her mom and her mom gets them wrapped up in a lot of murder plots. Why can’t she do something normal like go for brunch?
Jane is going to be advised by Condescending Professor Chavez.
Luisa is going to look for her mother…who is probably the dangerous drug lord Mutter
Susan is a recent college grad and writer who enjoys all things from the 1980s, snarking on dumb television, and reveling in celebrity gossip. Oh, and she has serious interests like reading historical fiction, getting involved in social issues, and consuming French fries.