Mar 8, 2018
Jane the Virgin: And Baby Makes... Well, It's Complicated
Previously on Jane the Virgin:
- Jane is about to give birth to the baby she was accidentally artificially inseminated with! Mazel tov!
- Oh, but there’s baby daddy drama on the horizon: Rafael dumped Jane even though he’s still in love with her, but now she’s falling back in love with Michael!
- Petra is also still in love with Rafael and seems unwilling to realize that no, you can’t get your ex-husband back after all your lying, cheating, and manipulating
- Xiomara and Rogelio have broken up but are determined to stay friends as they perform a one night engagement in Vegas
Get it? Got it? No? Too bad. We’re diving headfirst into telenovela land.
Even though she is in her last weeks of pregnancy, Jane urges Xiomara to go to Vegas with Rogelio for their show even if it means Xiomara may miss the birth. Jane is being surprisingly Zen in her last weeks pregnancy, perhaps because she has finally gotten over Rafael. Rafael, on the other hand, is trying to figure out a way to win back Jane. At the doctor’s office, they almost had a romantic moment when Rafael took a selfie of them at the ultrasound (Oh, the courting rituals of Millennials!), but it was interrupted when Petra called. Jane took the moment as a sign that it was a good thing Rafael’s crazy work life won’t cause her any troubles, but Rafael takes it to mean that he needs to get rid of Petra.
He decides to flirt with Petra in hopes of convincing her to sell her shares of the Marbella so he can be free to be with Jane. He asks her to dinner, and Petra happily accepts. While Rafael works on getting out of Petra’s good graces, Michael works on getting into Jane’s. He brings her hamburgers and asks about her grad school applications. Jane unfortunately missed a deadline, but Michael encourages her to beg the school for a spot anyway. They are about to have a moment that Rafael would be jealous of, until Jane starts experiencing contractions. Jane is about to give birth, and only Michael is there to help her.
That’s the right reaction.
Oh wait, false alarm. When Jane goes to the hospital, it turns out that she was just having Braxton-Hicks contractions. Rafael shows up at the hospital and tells Michael to go home, but Michael refuses. Rafael feels threatened and accuses Michael of being in love with Jane. “Yeah, I’m in love with Jane,” says Michael. “You think I’d be here for any old ex-fiancee who accidentally got pregnant with some other guy’s sperm?” When Jane is released from the doctor’s office, each man offers her a ride. Jane senses the competitive, macho tension and wisely decides to ask her grandmother for a ride.
Meanwhile, Petra visits her mother, Magda, in prison and happily brags about how Rafael asked her to dinner. Magda brags about how she’s been asked to dinner by a prison gang. Petra does not realize how insensitive she is being, so Magda harshly tells her that Rafael is playing her. However, Petra believes Rafael is falling back in love with her.
It’s a good (or is it bad?) thing Petra is not there to see Rafael show up at Casa Villanueva to apologize and beg Jane to take him back because he’s still in love with her. However, Jane is still hurt over the way he dumped her and refuses to accept his apology.
“Crap, don’t tell me I have to settle for Petra now.”
The next day, Michael also visits and apologizes for the way he acted, which goes over much more smoothly with Jane. Jane admits that she still has feelings for him, but Michael gets insulted when she refers to him as “safe and familiar.” He refuses to be the man Jane settles for and leaves for his apartment.
And guess who’s there? It’s Nadine, his ex-partner/ex-lover who turned out to be connected to Sin Rostro. She tells Michael that she wants to cut a deal to avoid jail time and offers to tell him who the plastic surgeon Sin Rostro employs is. She adds that Sin Rostro probably got plastic surgery to change her face and the only person who would know what she looks like is the surgeon.
Jane goes to her grad school interview, but then she experiences more contractions and not the Braxton-Hicks kind. Oh my god! Jane is going into labor! On the bus, she calls Rafael, who cancels with his dinner date with a disappointed Petra, and Xiomara, who urges Jane to go to a hospital. The other bus patrons also agree and yell at the bus driver to go off course to drop off Jane. Jane is in so much pain/fear that she hallucinates that a billboard of Rogelio talks her through the contractions.
“Oh, I need stop doing so much acid…”
Jane is checked into the hospital, where Rafael and Alba are there to help her through the labor. Jane worries that Xiomara will miss the birth, but thankfully, her labor has stalled. Back in Vegas, Xiomara informs Rogelio that she is dropping out of their show to go see Jane. Rogelio is offended that Xiomara didn’t think that he wouldn’t want to see Jane too and storms off.
At the hospital, Jane and Rafael discuss baby names and get into a mini-argument over whose last name the baby should take. “It should be Villanueva since we’re not married,” insists Jane.
“Okay,” says Rafael. “There goes my last chance to have anyone who carries on my family name but okay…” He offers to let the baby have Jane’s last name if she just hears him out: he explains how he only started focusing on work because of how his mother abandoned him and he wants to be a family. Jane is touched but still doesn’t want to get back together.
Damn, Rafael should have milked the “This will be my only child” angle a little more then.
At a Vegas bar, Xiomara apologizes to Rogelio for not thinking of him when Jane went into labor. He forgives her, and they are about to leave when a bunch of Rogelio fangirls accost them and beg for the chance to buy them drinks.
“We’re about to be grandparents. Might as well live a little, right?”
Meanwhile, Michael and the police circle in on Sin Rostro’s plastic surgeon, but he is already dead when they find his hideout. Oh bummer. That was sarcastic, in case you couldn’t tell. Who cares about Sin Rostro when Jane is about to go into labor?!
The morning after, Xiomara and Rogelio wake up horribly hung over in their Vegas hotel room (just like the Katy Perry song!) and rush to the airport to make it in time for the birth of their grandchild. Rafael calls Michael to get a police escort for Xiomara and Rogelio when they land in Miami. Michael then leaves Nadine in his apartment, who takes the opportunity to escape.
Jane’s labor is long and hard, and Xiomara shows up just in time to give Jane the last bit of encouragement she needs to push the baby out. Jane gives birth to a boy, whom they decide to name Mateo, in honor of Jane’s grandfather.
Shut up. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
Petra is feeling depressed that Rafael has left her to be with Jane, but she cheers up when she finds out that there is another one of Rafael’s sperm samples. Posing as his wife, Petra picks up the sample from the clinic. Now all she has to do is look for a ridiculously fertile virgin to be her surrogate…
Michael visits Jane at the hospital and congratulates her on the birth of her son. He tells her that he can wait to see who she decides to be with, which Jane is grateful for. When Michael goes home, he discovers that Nadine is missing, but he isn’t too bothered. It turns out, he allowed Nadine to escape so he could put a tracker on her phone that would lead the police to Sin Rostro. Oh, who cares, honestly?
At the hospital, Xiomara and Rogelio find a video of them getting married in Vegas (No, seriously, just like the Katy Perry song), and they worry what to do next. A nurse checks in on Jane and takes Mateo away for testing, except it turns out that she’s not really a nurse! She’s in cahoots with Sin Rostro and steals the baby out of the hospital to give him to Sin Rostro!
Okay, I take it back. I care about Sin Rostro, but only because she kidnapped Jane’s baby! And because it really doesn’t make any sense. What does a drug lord want with a baby? Guess we’ll have to wait next season to find out.
So let’s review:
- Jane and Rafael’s baby has been kidnapped by Sin Rostro! Okay, now this is a Sin Rostro subplot I can care about
- Xiomara and Rogelio accidentally got married in Vegas
- Petra got a hold of Rafael’s sperm sample. Hey, maybe this baby won’t get kidnapped!
- Too soon?