Mar 15, 2018
Jane the Virgin: Use It or Lose It!
Previously on Jane the Virgin:
- Rogelio finally proposed to Xiomara! Except, she told him that she doesn’t want anymore kids. Could this be a dealbreaker?
- As her due date approaches, Petra and Rafael are becoming closer. Her crazy plan to artificially inseminate herself and trap Rafael is working! Sort of. If only he can get over Jane…
- Jane has accepted a date with Professor Chavez. Oh, and she’s starting to think about losing the “Virgin” in the title. Could Professor Hottie be the one that Jane gives her flower to?
- Michael and the police found out that Rose aka Luisa’s ex and ex-stepmother and Elena aka Rafael’s mother are working together as nefarious drug lords. Oh, who cares? Jane might have sex!
Get it? Got it? No? Too bad. We’re diving headfirst into telenovela land.
The Narrator explains something we all know: Jane is very romantic and tends to see things through rose colored glasses. Her virginity is tied into both of these things, but now as a mom and a stressed out grad student, Jane is starting reconsider that whole “virginity is a precious flower and should be saved for marriage” thing.
Xiomara is way too excited about the fact that her daughter is considering doing the deed instead of the fact that Rogelio is thinking about moving forward with his proposal of marriage to her, but anyway…
Michael and the police finally decrypt the computer chip Nadine gave Michael and find a guy who received plastic surgery from Sin Rostro. They want to set up a trap to catch Rose and Mutter but unbeknownst to them, Rose and Elena already suspect the cops are onto them.
Even though Jane is starting to put away her rose colored glasses, she keeps them on for her date with Professor Chavez. The man reveals details about himself that are total deal breakers for Jane–he doesn’t want to get remarried, he is planning to go to Thailand in four months for his sabbatical, and doesn’t like telenovelas. But he looks like Adam Rodriguez and Jane is looking to get her V-card punched so she agrees to another dinner date…at his house.
They just couldn’t show it here because of the censors.
Because she is a saint, Jane offers to throw a baby shower for Petra aka the former ex-wife of her former boyfriend whose mother attempted to kill her grandmother. “It’s not your fault,” Jane tells Petra. “My mother does crazy stuff too.”
Xiomara has yet to check off “attempted murder” off her bucket list though.
Jane and Petra have lunch together so Jane can help Petra pick out items for the baby shower registry. However, the two end up clashing over prices and baby rearing styles. Jane complains to Alba that Petra is too materialistic and throws money at problems instead of doing the hard work of parenting herself. Petra complains to Rafael that Jane is a judgemental martyr who thinks she’s so perfect.
With the mommy wars erupting in Miami, I’m surprise Xiomara is reconsidering having children with Rogelio (again). Rogelio said he was fine with not having any more kids and Xiomara accepted his proposal. Rogelio suggests to Xiomara that maybe she could freeze her eggs and decide later if kids are for them.
Jane is ready to have sex until Professor Chavez until he drops a bomb on her mid-makeout session: she would be the first woman he’s been with since his divorce. Since they are both novices, Jane decided to reveal that he too would be her first–like, ever. Jonathan gets a little freaked and tells Jane that maybe they shouldn’t have sex after all.
Damn, guess this virgin thing is going to last until season 3.
Jane tries to focus on the baby shower for Petra but Petra isn’t interested in being Jane’s pity friend. To test Jane, Petra reveals that she and Rafael kissed and that he is still in love with Jane. Jane confronts Rafael over the second half of the sentence and to my surprise, he actually admits it! He declares his love for Jane and begs her to take him back. Jane refuses, reminding him that they are too different and she’s upgraded to a hotter boyfriend. Disappointed, Rafael agrees to let Jane go.
Professor Chavez checks up on Jane and she quickly initiates a sexting session. Since they are both writers, you can imagine the steamy messages they are sending back in forth.
It’s better than this, I swear.
Anyway, Jane speeds over to his house to finally do the deed, but she gets pulled over by a cop. Embarrassingly enough, Jane is only wearing a T-shirt and underwear when the cop pulls her aside. He lets her off with a warning, but the cop reminds Jane of Michael and Michael reminds Jane of how she was saving herself until they were married. Jane soldiers on and tries to have sex with Professor Chavez, but she ends up bursting into tears in his arms.
Really sets the mood, huh?
Meanwhile, the police have set up their trap for Rose and Elena. They ask a former client of the two drug lords to set up a meeting, but that is just a decoy–the real trap is pretending Luisa got into a horrific car accident. Rose can’t resist visiting her former lover and gets caught at gunpoint by Susanna. However, Rose isn’t afraid. She announces that she has cronies at Susanna’s family home who will kill everyone unless Susanna helps Rose escape. Susanna reluctantly leads Rose out of the hospital but makes an attempt overpower Rose with the gun. Susanna gets shot and Rose makes a break for it but when the police arrive on the scene, they find that Rose has been strangled by blue silk ties, Elena’s signature move.
Goddammit, we’re never going to be done with this subplot, are we?
Even though Jane didn’t have sex, Alba tells Jane that it is okay if Jane doesn’t want to be a virgin anymore. Alba admits that she had pre-marital sex and everyone judged her for that and that’s why she passed one the “Virginity is a precious flower” message onto Jane. However, she acknowledges that times are different and promises not to judge Jane if she choses to have sex.
Xiomara tells Rogelio that she has changed her mind–again!–and she has firmly decided against kids. She gives back his engagement ring and walks off. That night, Rogelio rewatches the confessional tapes from his Scientology days where he talked about how much he loved Xiomara. He also mentions a prison pen pal who is slated to be released soon but I guess that’s for another episode…
Michael shows up and Casa Villanueva to inform Jane that Rose is dead and she and Mateo are no longer in danger. Well, sort of. That depends if Elena is willing to use her son’s baby mama to get her drug trafficking done. But Michael tells Jane that they are free to be together and asks if she still loves him.
Jane’s answer? “Yes.”
So let’s review:
- Rose is dead but Mutter is still at large.
- Rafael has been rejected by Jane. Sorry #TeamJaFael.
- Michael declared his love for Jane and she ready to get back together with him. Does she really love him or is she just looking to be with a guy whom she won’t cry in front of before sex?
- Rogelio and Xiomara are broken up….again
- Rogelio has a prison friend who might be a player in future episodes. Ten bucks says the prison friend is related to Mutter. It’s like Miami has only one drug lord.