Is Captain Kirk a Republican? Ted Cruz Says Yes

Is Captain Kirk a Republican? Ted Cruz Says Yes

 

“It is quite likely that [Captain] Kirk is a Republican,” says Sen. Ted Cruz, who claims to be quite the Trekkie.

Could he be right??? HNTP looks at the evidence…

 

1. Born in a tiny, rural town in Iowa

Riverside, Iowa, the future birthplace of Capt. James T. Kirk, currently has less than 1,000 residents and is unlikely to be a thriving metropolis even two hundred years in the future. That’s solid Red country. +1 point for Republican

2. Enrolled in a military academy

Let’s face it, whatever else Starfleet may be, it’s also the Federation’s military. Kirk followed in his father’s footsteps and enrolled. +1 point for Republican

3. Proudly promiscuous

Since he’s male, Republicans would be totally cool with this. On the other hand, Kirk is happy to get naked with women of any color—black, white, or green. +1 point for Democrat

4. Sexist as hell

For the 23rd century, Kirk’s view of gender roles was shockingly 1960s. He was a patronizing dick to all the women on his staff, whom he regarded as emotionally unstable and in constant need of protection. +1 point for Republican

5. Lives in a communist utopia

There’s no money in the Federation. Kirk isn’t worried about personal wealth. He does his job for the good of humanity. (And for all the green trim.) +1 point for Democrat

6. Forgets his deepest principles whenever expedient

Kirk’s history with the Prime Directive is well known and well scoffed at. Being sanctimonious about set-in-stone morals that you immediately forgive yourself and no one else for regularly abandoning? +1 point for Republican

7. Hangs out with racist Southern

Dr. Leonard McCoy is constantly hurling race-based insults at his “green-blooded, inhuman, son of a bitch” coworker, and Kirk just smirks. +1 point for Republican

8. Understands science

Sure, Spock did all the heavy lifting, science-wise, but Kirk knew his way around a tricorder. +1 point for Democrat

9. Saves the whales

Literally. The entire species. +1 point for Democrat

10. Questions God

“What does God need with a spaceship?” Republicans don’t take kindly to questioning the demands of the Almighty, no matter how preposterous. +1 point for Democrat

Okay, tally up all the points, and… TIE?!

Damn it, I guess William Shatner is right:

shatner tweet

(Picard is totally a Democrat, however.)

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  • sewaneepat

    And Spock would also definitely be a Democrat.

  • Historicat

    Kirk is some sort of anarcho-libertarian. Wake up sheeple!