We Will Buy 1000 Copies Of The ‘Dungeons & Dragons’ Audiobook Recorded By Ice-T

Do you like Ice-T? Of course you do, either because of thrash metal powerhouse Body Count


or his impressively long rap career

or his ridiculous yet hot wife Coco


or because he is still toughing it out on Law and Order SVU.


Now, love him even more because he recorded a Dungeons and Dragons audiobook.

Ice T […] had no idea he’d be recording a novel based on the classic roleplaying game.

“They didn’t tell me this was a motherfuckin’ Dungeons & Dragons book,” Ice says, explaining to partner Mick Benzo that D&D is “some of the most crazy, deep, deep nerd shit.”

“Motherfuckers talk like Yoda,” Ice T marvels.

“They were talking about ‘pegasuses’ and ‘pegasi.’ That’s horses with wings,” he continues. “This motherfucker got a sword that talks to him… Motherfuckers live in places that don’t exist, and it comes with a map. My God.” […]

“It’ll be a treat to watch me, with my South Central-educated ass, trying to read some Dungeons & Dragons shit,” he promises.

Seriously, we give no fucks about D&D, but we will purchase the hell out of that audiobook and listen to it every day, because it is MOTHERFUCKING ICE-T TALKING ABOUT DRAGONS AND SHIT. The man who gave the world “Cop Killer” got stuck twisting and turning and tangling himself in some D&D novel with characters that are probably named Faluzure or Alhandra or Jallarzi Sallavarian. (Yes, those are all actual D&D characters, per Wikipedia. The Wiki could be straight up lying to us on this, but we’ll never know the difference.)

Sadly, Ice has already made clear that he wouldn’t really be feeling another trip into nerd fantasy land, and hopes his manager will track down a porn book for him to read next. Not even lying when we say we’d buy that too.

You can grab the whole podcast here if you want to hear Ice-T actually describing this, which is even funnier (and much more NSFW) than reading about it.

[Paste Magazine]

[Ice-T and CoCo thumbnail photo by PR Photos]

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  • Unholy Moses

    I object!Not the book — that’ll be all types of awesome. I object about his wife, who is not hot.Much like Pam Anderson, she’s a nasty, fake as hell skank.

  • Connie Jennings

    Coco’s not nasty, she’s sweet. Also going to buy that audiobook.

  • BigRedDog

    This is exactly like that time I dreamt I was riding in a car with Gandalf and Tupac.

  • edgydrifter

    I give many, many fucks about D&D and I have enjoyed Ice-T since back in the day when I listened to a cassette–a cassette!–of Body Count in my Walkman riding around on my ten-speed, so you can well imagine the nerd boner I’m sporting at this moment. Huzzah!