May 29, 2018
We Will Buy 1000 Copies Of The ‘Dungeons & Dragons’ Audiobook Recorded By Ice-T
Do you like Ice-T? Of course you do, either because of thrash metal powerhouse Body Count
or his impressively long rap career
or his ridiculous yet hot wife Coco
or because he is still toughing it out on Law and Order SVU.
Now, love him even more because he recorded a Dungeons and Dragons audiobook.
Ice T […] had no idea he’d be recording a novel based on the classic roleplaying game.
“They didn’t tell me this was a motherfuckin’ Dungeons & Dragons book,” Ice says, explaining to partner Mick Benzo that D&D is “some of the most crazy, deep, deep nerd shit.”
“Motherfuckers talk like Yoda,” Ice T marvels.
“They were talking about ‘pegasuses’ and ‘pegasi.’ That’s horses with wings,” he continues. “This motherfucker got a sword that talks to him… Motherfuckers live in places that don’t exist, and it comes with a map. My God.” […]
“It’ll be a treat to watch me, with my South Central-educated ass, trying to read some Dungeons & Dragons shit,” he promises.
Seriously, we give no fucks about D&D, but we will purchase the hell out of that audiobook and listen to it every day, because it is MOTHERFUCKING ICE-T TALKING ABOUT DRAGONS AND SHIT. The man who gave the world “Cop Killer” got stuck twisting and turning and tangling himself in some D&D novel with characters that are probably named Faluzure or Alhandra or Jallarzi Sallavarian. (Yes, those are all actual D&D characters, per Wikipedia. The Wiki could be straight up lying to us on this, but we’ll never know the difference.)
Sadly, Ice has already made clear that he wouldn’t really be feeling another trip into nerd fantasy land, and hopes his manager will track down a porn book for him to read next. Not even lying when we say we’d buy that too.
You can grab the whole podcast here if you want to hear Ice-T actually describing this, which is even funnier (and much more NSFW) than reading about it.
[Ice-T and CoCo thumbnail photo by PR Photos]