I Know Who Killed Me (2007) (part 2 of 8)

Fade to black. A girl screams. And by that, I mean it’s one of those overwrought jobs like off a Halloween sound effects CD. This is followed by a wet smashing sound.

Cut to reporters swarming around the local sheriff like flies on horse apples. The sheriff, by the way, looks an awful lot like Santa Claus. The reporters bark questions at Sheriff Claus, asking if the dead girl that was just found was the work of a serial killer. Sheriff Claus points out that it’s only one girl, so it’s kind of early to call it the work of a serial killer. He has a point, but we did see at least two missing girls on the bulletin board. So maybe they do have a serial killer on their hands, but he’s just kind of a slacker.

Incidentally, Sheriff Claus is played by Donovan Scott, a comedic actor with a long list of bit parts to his credit. Including, fittingly enough, playing Santa Claus in an episode of Frasier. But his most recognizable credit is Olive Oyl’s little brother Castor in the 1980 film Popeye. Say what you will about this movie, but it’s still nice to see talented people get work. Hopefully, Donovan will get more work after this, which is more than I can say about some people involved with this movie.

Caption contributed by Albert

”I made a list of suspects, and before you ask, yes, I am checking it twice.”

Meanwhile, Aubrey is in biology class, dissecting worms with that same guy who gave her a flower. I always hated that lab. It’s the smell. The teacher, by the way, is quite possibly the hottest biology teacher I’ve ever seen. If my biology teacher looked like her, I probably would have paid more attention. My grades would have been worse, but at least I would have paid more attention. One of the students asks about the myth of cutting a worm in half to make two worms, and hey, did you catch the symbolism there? I know it’s easy to miss.

Caption contributed by Albert

Just your average, everyday high school biology teacher. Tomorrow she’ll assign them to write a letter to a world leader.

And then I notice something very interesting about Lindsay Lohan: blue is not her color. Particularly the dark blue shirt she’s wearing here. Her face looks all red, like she’s been out sledding or something. I’ve never been much of a clothes horse, and all of this stuff about people having colors that work for them or not always eluded me until this very moment. She should never wear navy blue ever again. I feel like giving her hot cocoa with mini imitation marshmallows to warm her up.

Come to think of it, there’s been quite a bit of blue on the screen. Her shirt is blue. The rose was blue. The piano teacher’s ring was blue. The piano teacher’s car was blue. The walls and tables in the classroom are blue. The rubber gloves everyone is wearing are blue. You see, this is director Sivertson’s attempt at style.

I guess in Major Motion Picture Directing For Dummies, there’s an entire chapter devoted to how you can use colors to develop a motif, and Sivertson latched onto this like a rabid pit bull. See, when Lindsay was a stripper, everything was red. Now that she’s a sweet, innocent college student, everything is blue. Everything except Flower Boy’s shirt, that is, which is bright yellow, but I’m sure the symbolism of this third primary color will become evident later.

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Jack Spencer, Jr.

Jack Spencer Jr has lived in New York State his entire life at various points along the Thruway like an incontinent who has to stop at every rest area. He spent much of his youth reading books, watching television shows and movies. After high school, he became more aware of films on the extreme ends of the cinematic bell curve, both the excellent, such as Jaws, Citizen Kane and Casablanca, and the turgid, like Plan 9 From Outer Space, Robot Monster, and Jaws: the Revenge. When not writing recaps or posting on the forums with all the je ne sais quoi of a monkey flinging chocolate-frosted marshmallows at people, he's staring at the ceiling where he's tacked up a helpful note: "Get back to WORK."

Multi-Part Article: I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

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