I Know Who Killed Me (2007) (part 1 of 8)

The Cast of Characters:
Lindsay Lohan as Aubrey FlemingAubrey Fleming (Lindsay Lohan). All-American girl who’s about as interesting as the cardboard tube that toilet paper comes on. Supposedly a gifted pianist, a talented writer, and the target of a serial killer who amputates limbs. What a lucky girl! But after she manages to escape the killer, she comes to believe she’s really…
Lindsay Lohan, aussi as Dakota MossDakota Moss (Lindsay Lohan, aussi). Your standard “hooker with a heart of gold” character, only without the heart of gold. Everyone thinks she’s just Aubrey gone batty, but Dakota is determined to uncover the truth. And somehow, having sex with Aubrey’s boyfriend is a means to this end.
Julia Ormond as Susan FlemingSusan Fleming (Julia Ormond). Or as Aubrey calls her, Mom. She takes her daughter’s new personality particularly hard. Through her, we learn the best way to get your mind off your daughter’s ravenous sexual appetite is to do more housework. Who knew?
Neal McDonough as Daniel FlemingDaniel Fleming (Neal McDonough). Or as Aubrey calls him, Dad. He harbors a deep, dark secret. Hey, it’s a thriller. Someone has to have a deep, dark secret, and he drew the short straw.
Brian Geraghty as Jerrod PointerJerrod Pointer (Brian Geraghty). Aubrey’s boyfriend, so he shows up a lot. Not that he’ll do anything crazy, like develop a personality or anything. He gives Aubrey ridiculous blue roses, so I’ll just call him Flower Boy.
Everyone ElseEveryone Else. Frankly, the only reason I bothered writing entries for the five above is because those actors got billing. That still counts for something these days. But nobody really makes an important contribution to the plot (if you can call it that), especially members of the cast not named above. And, yes, I am lumping the killer into this pile. You know you’re in for a treat when the killer in a horror movie is beside the point.

There’s an old saying in Hollywood: You’re only as good as your last movie. Unfortunately for Lindsay Lohan, as of this writing, this is her last movie. If it’s any consolation to her, it’s all her fault. Oh, she can’t be blamed for everything that went wrong with this movie. But a sturdy argument can be made that the primary reason it was inflicted on an unsuspecting public is because she agreed to star in it.

For better or for worse, Lindsay Lohan is a Hollywood “it” girl. Whatever “it” is. I Know Who Killed Me is the kind of project that would have languished in Development Hell for years, before all involved forgot about it and moved on to new projects. But once she signed on, things began to happen. Checks were written. Money was spent. Film rolled and a movie was made.

Not that director Chris Sivertson, or screenwriter Jeff Hammond should get off scot free. Hammond’s screenplay tries to disguise a piss-poor narrative with plot developments that can be described, at best, as bat-shit insanity. And as a director, Sivertson should have spent time fixing the weaknesses in the script and improving Lohan’s performance, but he seemed more interested in channeling the spirit of David Lynch. This proved difficult, as Lynch is still alive. And Sivertson is to Lynch as a five year old playing dress-up (complete with lipstick smeared from ear to ear) is to a supermodel. Look at me, mommy. I’m all growed up. Don’t I look beautiful?

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Jack Spencer, Jr.

Jack Spencer Jr has lived in New York State his entire life at various points along the Thruway like an incontinent who has to stop at every rest area. He spent much of his youth reading books, watching television shows and movies. After high school, he became more aware of films on the extreme ends of the cinematic bell curve, both the excellent, such as Jaws, Citizen Kane and Casablanca, and the turgid, like Plan 9 From Outer Space, Robot Monster, and Jaws: the Revenge. When not writing recaps or posting on the forums with all the je ne sais quoi of a monkey flinging chocolate-frosted marshmallows at people, he's staring at the ceiling where he's tacked up a helpful note: "Get back to WORK."

Multi-Part Article: I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

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