House Of Cards Spoiler Parade Recap: Thank You For Smoking

We’re in the home stretch now, folks. Only two episodes left in this season’s “House of Cards,” so in just a couple hours you’ll have to go back to your real life. Come cling to the last few moments of dystopian fantasy DC with us and chat about episode twelve. Previous recaps here, and of course nothing but spoilers from now on.


Light ’em up


Remember when regular people on television smoked? It wasn’t a weird thing or a signifier that you were evil. It was just a thing you did because you maybe were a person that liked to smoke. But now, smoking is for the poor and the terrible, and Claire and Frank always make sure to enjoy a cigarette when they’re at peak manipulative. They’re just a few steps away from completely destroying the president, so why not relax and have a Marlboro?

Worst facial hair


We’re not really sure why Raymond is growing out his old man beard. With anyone else, it might be some sort of way to symbolize that they’re turning into a shambolic mess, since Raymond is now before the special prosecutor pleading the fifth like Ken Lay. However, Raymond specifically told that barber he keeps on call 24/7 to let his beard flag fly free. It just ends up making Raymond look jowly and crazy, which we assume is not a thing he was really going for.

Newest evidence of Doug Stamper’s continued crackup


Stamper has been slowly disintegrating over the course of the season, stalking Rachel with a sort of grim determination and sleepwalking his way across DC in a way that is sure to lose him a job soon. He got fixated on having Rachel read things out loud to him as if he were a child, but since he wrecked Rachel’s life yet again, he’s forced to listen to audiobooks in the car like a commoner. Only our boy Doug could make driving around Maryland listening to Charles Dickens look menacing.

You’re almost there! Go you! One more episode to go, and then you have to get off the couch and take a shower. Really.

TV Show: House of Cards

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