Horrible Girl-Shaming ‘Princeton Mom’ Susan Patton Is Never Ever Ever Ever Going Away

Horrible Girl-Shaming 'Princeton Mom' Susan Patton Is Never Ever Ever Ever Going Away

Oh Jesus where do we even start with this Susan Patton woman, who showed up on ‘Today’ this morning to yell at ladies about how if they don’t find a man in college they never will. Remember last year, she gave some helpful advice to the ladies of Princeton, explaining how they will never again have as much good man pickings as they do in college.

For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you.

Here’s what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there.

I am the mother of two sons who are both Princetonians. My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless. Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated. It’s amazing how forgiving men can be about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty.

Predictably, the entire internet exploded with sweet sweet rage and attention for Susan Patton, which was probably the whole point. But that died down, as things do, so she had to pop back up on Valentine’s Day this year with more Hot Tips for Ladies.

Despite all of the focus on professional advancement, for most of you the cornerstone of your future happiness will be the man you marry. But chances are that you haven’t been investing nearly as much energy in planning for your personal happiness as you are planning for your next promotion at work. What are you waiting for? You’re not getting any younger, but the competition for the men you’d be interested in marrying most definitely is.

Snap to it ladies. Your biological clock is tick tick ticking and the alpha males are not going to want you any more on account of how old and haggard you are at 29 or something.

Not content to rest on her spiteful mean narrow-minded ridiculous laurels, Patton went on the Today show today to terrify Savannah Guthrie with her insanely retrograde views.

You really should, as the kids say, watch the whole thing, because there is so much awful packed in just one five-minute segment that you will be awestruck.

She is here shilling for her book, Marry Smart,(out today! excitement!) which is a complete text to ladies on how to catch a man from a woman that has no daughters, but never fails to mention how great her Princeton-educated sons are. She is impressively on point, using the exact same language she uses in the book. She tells the gobsmacked Guthrie that college ladies should spend 75% of their time looking for a man and only the remainder on work, because work can wait, but a man can’t. Also, too, ladies, if you need plastic surgery, get it in high school, says Ms. Patton, because otherwise you’ll enter college all ugly and not confident and not ready to catch your man. Oh, and if you get drunk and get raped, we all know whose fault that is, don’t we? But then Patton waves the magic “I am not PC” wand that allows you to say terrible things without consequences, because free speech.

We might just have to hate-read this book, because this woman is a bottomless bucket of horrendous and we maybe can’t resist.

[Daily Princetonian/Salon]

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  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    It’s like Susan Patton’s never even seen Legally Blonde.

  • msanthropesmr

    Toss some water on her.

    • Dragoon21b

      and remember to grab the broom stick

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “You’re not getting any younger, but the competition for the men you’d be interested in marrying most definitely is.”What if the girl wants to marry another girl? It’s not unheard of.

    • LesBontemps

      That’s Bryn Mawr, not Princeton.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    ♫My sister got luckyMarried a yuppieTook him for all he was worth…♪

  • La Cieca

    Susan Patton looks awfully old to still be in high school, but I guess when she gets her plastic surgery that can be corrected.

  • ZorakHendrix

    “I am the mother of two sons who are both Princetonians.”Well, la-de-freakin-da! I’ve got two sons who have stolen hundreds of cars and killed thousands of zombies without even leaving their bedrooms. Can your precious “Princetonians” say that? No, I thought not. Now shut yer pie hole before somebody drops a house on you. Yeah, I went there.

  • Jan Ness

    Is he married to Huckabee?

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    • Joseph

      Which immediately raises the question, “Who bought her?” She must have looked much better after she was finished pukeing the parking lot during homecoming.

  • Hammiepants

    I’ll bet her two kids go through life saying, “nooo, nope, not THAT Susan Patton, nope , just a coincidence, THAT Susan Patton isn’t our mom, nope, sorry!”

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      This post was deleted.

  • Octavia Bratenpfeffer

    Ah yes, everyone’s favorite song: “Listen to me, I did it all wrong, but now I’m here to tell you exactly how to live your life”. Catchy.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    In my day the ladies used to keep an aspirin between their knees…

  • ejcsanfran

    She seems nice.

  • cc42

    Hope her sons are gay.

  • Mimata

    I gave a student a C on an assignment. Am I now guilty of “grade shaming” ? . This “shaming” business is way outta hand. Anyway back to the topic – the students should at least wait till grad school when people get married out of loneliness and stress only to divorce once they finish their post-docs or residency. No one studies that behavior but it is there….