Feb 18, 2019
Homosexual Mafia Kills Firefox So Now You Have To Use Internet Explorer Forever
A few days ago, Mozilla/Firefox, the people who freed you from the shackles of Microsoft browsers, named founder Brendan Eich as CEO. This might have passed unnoticed outside of nerddom, but it seems that Eich had given $1000 to support California’s Proposition 8, which was not awesome. Today, the gays claimed another scalp and Eich stepped down.
The news about Eich’s donation hit a couple days ago and Mozilla began doing the classic scramble: we love the gays, and having a gay-o-phobe at the top does not lessen our commitment to them there gays. Then we had to endure Eich trying to explain himself, which was one of those things that probably sounded much better in his head.
Eich told the Guardian, for example: “So far we’ve been able to bring people together of diverse beliefs including on things like marriage equality. We couldn’t have done this, we couldn’t have done Firefox One. I would’ve been excluded, someone else would’ve been excluded because of me — I wouldn’t have done that personally, they’d have just left. So imagine a world without Firefox: not good.”
He also dragged in a truly bizarre point about people in Indonesia not liking gays marrying to justify his continued leadership. He noted to the newspaper that LGBT marriage was “not considered universal human rights yet, and maybe they will be, but that’s in the future, right now we’re in a world where we have to be global to have effect.”
So if Brendan Eich donates to anti-gay initiatives like Prop 8, it is good because then he can help with Firefox and also too Indonesia is real bad. Got it.
OKCupid took the side of the gays, of course, and urged people not to use the browser to access their site.
Instead of seeing a login page, those who visit the front page of OkCupid’s website using the Firefox browser are instead redirected to an interstitial message urging people to shift from Firefox to another browser to access the OkCupid site.
“Mozilla’s new CEO, Brendan Eich, is an opponent of equal rights for gay couples,” OkCupid said on its site. “We would therefore prefer that our users not use Mozilla software to access OkCupid.”
The one-two punch of local-sex-seeking sluts that use OKCupid and angry gays proved too much for Mozilla, so Eich fled today.
Mozilla confirmed the change in a blog post.
“Mozilla prides itself on being held to a different standard and, this past week, we didn’t live up to it. We know why people are hurt and angry, and they are right: it’s because we haven’t stayed true to ourselves,” read the post, in part. “We didn’t act like you’d expect Mozilla to act. We didn’t move fast enough to engage with people once the controversy started. We’re sorry. We must do better.”
We wandered over to Twitter, which is already chock full of people large and small yelling about how this means the gays are fascists and now they will not use Mozilla and you can hate gay marriage yet not hate the gays and so on and so on. We were going to screenshot a bunch of them, but then we remembered we were not Twitchy. We couldn’t resist posting this one, though.
Someone really needs to tip off that person that Google loves the gays times 1000, so they probably aren’t looking to scoop up Silicon Valley’s Least Wanted Homophobe right now. Someone also needs to explain basic capitalism to everyone yelling about how this violates the First Amendment or something, because guess what, suckas: this is exactly how the marketplace works. If you bring enough muscle to bear, you can get companies to do what you want. Right now, the gays are veritable oiled masses of muscle and they can push companies around like weaklings on the beach. Sorry, haters, but that’s how it is going to be from now on out.