Homeland: Deathcar for cutie!

Previously on Homeland, President-Elect Elizabeth Keane sings “And I’m telling you, I’m not going,” as the lamestream media asks if she’s quitting on account of her son’s being a coward according to the swiftboating video being circulated by Brett (not-Alex Jones) O’Keefe and company, while somewhere in Queens a house blows up taking with it the US Solicitor General and the best evidence of a vast conspiracy.


We open with Dar walking down the street looking spiffy like he’s got his groove back. He’s on his way to his alleged nephew’s restaurant, and you’ve got to wonder is that really his blood nephew, or is it one of the many young men he’s probably “mentored” through the years or yeech could Christopher be both? In either case, Christopher is keeping a little something on ice for Dar, a little something being one of the co-conspirators, Senator Elian Coto, who is handcuffed to a pipe in a refrigerated room in the cellar. Why did they let him leave on his tidy whities? Probably because it’s even more degrading than being naked.

We kind of suspected this is what Dar was into.

Dar questions him about the plan to make Peter Quinn the patsy in a Keane assassination, and maybe other things they forgot to tell him.

Meantime in Queens, Carrie reports by phone to Rob that Pallas was in the garage when the bomb went off and so is probably in many small pieces. She finds out that there is a “delta force” on its way to “protect” the president and it’s being led by General McClendon. What’s familiar about that name? She gets off the phone to check with Quinn, who confirms that that was his old commander, at which point instead of calling Rob back to tell him, she announces they have to go stat, because it should take about 5 minutes to get from wherever the hell they are supposed to be in Queens back to Madam President-Elect’s hotel in Midtown because there’s never any traffic on Homelandia.

McClendon is telling a secret service agent that the flag house might have been an ISIS bomb making factory, and there could be bombs, bombs, bombs all over the hotel, so they really need to get Madam President-Elect out onto the street where all her fans are waiting.

“The only safe place for her is in the middle of the angry crowd that wants to kill her.”

Saul who now seems to be best buddies with Keane is telling her she has balls for appearing on Not-Alex Jones’s show, but she’s doubting the wisdom of doing that, and whether she’s ready for the job at all. He assures her that the establishment is already terrified of her, which given what happens later, might not have been the wisest word choice.

Dar calls McClendon telling him the Senator spilled the beans and he really hopes he’s not planning to assassinate the president and blame it on Peter Quinn. McClendon is all like “Who me? Why I’d never…”

Carrie and Quinn arrive on scene because it’s not they had trouble finding a parking place. Quinn is going to check out the situation with the various snipers who seem to be lined up on the rooftops and in the street. What’s he going to do? Take out the entire Delta-force? Yeah, probably.

Carrie tells Rob, Saul andAgent Thoms about the flag house and how Pallas and all the evidence got blowed up real good, and McClendon is part of the plot against America. But then Thom’s guy, who’d been talking to McClendon comes in and warns everyone that “multiple reports” suggest there’s a bomb in the building and they have to evacuate.

They head down to the parking garage where Saul goes in one car, and Rob and the POETUS’s decoy/double go in another car, and Carrie is supposed to go in the third car with Keane and Thoms. She tries to call Quinn, but gets Dar F.U. Adal. How did that happen? No, seriously, how did that happen?

Apparently, they were both trying to reach Quinn, and sure I guess this is a thing that might happen one in a million times, and the writers probably figured it’s not like some nitpicker is going to question the plausibility of crossed wires when the fate of the free world is at stake.

Carrie is not thrilled to be speaking to Dar F.U. Adal what with his having taken away her daughter and all, but Dar manages to convince her the bomb threat is fake, that it’s a ruse to get Elizabeth onto the street so she can be gunned down, and that they’re planning to have Peter take the fall. Carrie stops the third car by stepping in front of it before it can go out.

Agent Thoms, who’s driving is like, “What the hell, Carrie,” but then one or more of the cars ahead of them go boom. McClendon and his henchman are discussing this on their radios: They think Elizabeth was with Rob in the car that just blowed up, but McClendon, knows there was supposed to be a third car, and he wants confirmation. He tells two of his guys to, “Find and secure her,” and by “secure” he means shoot her dead. Someone also hands him a photo of Quinn perusing the vicinity.

Back at the hotel, blabbermouth Thoms has just reported that Keane is still alive before Carrie could warn him to keep his trap shut. He seems to realize that should’ve listened to Carrie earlier, and tells Carrie to get Elizabeth to safety. He’ll hold off the bad guys. And now at least it’s clear why Keane has been holed up in a giant hotel all season. Giant hotels have all those nooks and crannies and corridors making them awesome settings for the kind of hide and go seek video game sequence we’re about to get.

When the bad guys come with weapons drawn, Thoms has his gun out and ready, and tells them to drop theirs, but they shoot him dead because as we already know from Conlin’s murder, these guys have no problem taking out officers of other federal agencies, and we should’ve known this would be Thoms fate the moment he introduced himself to Carrie “The Angel of Death” Mathison.

Carrie and Keane hear the shot. Carrie knows exactly what just happened. She stops the elevator she and Keane are in long enough to explain the options: They are in a “kill zone” and can either hide or try to get out. Keane chooses out.

“I don’t care what the ads say. I shoulda stuck with Verizon.”

The elevator door opens and someone has a gun on them, but fortunately, it’s Peter Quinn, our hero, to the rescue once more. He leads them back to the car, and tells Carrie to get on top of Keane in the backseat and stay down. Remember how we have been reminded since the season opener that Quinn can still drive? Now he’s going to drive POETUS to safety.

You might be a bit confused here: Given that the second car BLEW UP mightn’t they be concerned about a bomb in the third car? Apparently the bad guys expected Keane to leave in the second car as per protocol, so that’s the one they put a bomb under because they didn’t have extras. Does that make sense? Does anything?

Peter evades the guys who took Thoms down though they shoot at the side of the car as it goes up the ramp. They tell McClendon what’s happening, and he orders the boots on the ground to “engage” with the car, and that Quinn just tried to kill the President-Elect.

On the street, Quinn sees all the soldiers, and the burning bombed out shell, and with a very determined look, he drives right toward the fire, and they shoot him dead but I guess there are enough witnesses that they don’t continue to execute the passengers in the back seat, so the point is Quinn died SAVING a life rather than taking one, and oh my God they killed Peter Quinn, the bastards! (Which came not as a big surprise after he told Carrie, “You got to let me go” and then literally faded into the sunlight as he walked out the door in last week’s episode.)

And now a brief pause for a photo of Quinn at a happier time because we are going to cry now:

Fade out and fade-in six weeks later because it wouldn’t be a Homeland season finale without a time jump. We will have to wait for confirmation that Quinn is dead dead, not just a little dead like he was from the Saran gas, or a little more like he was from the stroke, or not even hardly hurt like when Clarice’s boyfriend bashed his head with the gun, or not dead yet like when he got shot and pretended to be dead by holding his breath under freezing water for a full minute.

It’s 34 days since Keane’s inauguration which Not-Alex Jones tells us happened behind closed doors. How is it that Not-Alex Jones is still on the air and not broadcasting from Gitmo or a secret bunker? How has he not high-tailed it out of Dodge? Especially given that he’s telling us about all sorts of arrests and housecleaning that is happening?

Maybe he’s broadcasting from Costa Rica?

Carrie is addressing a room full of intelligence heavyweights which includes Saul, that lady what interrogated him about the West Bank visit, and Joe Crocker – the former Secretary of State. They are worried about whether they’re all going to be thrown in the hoosegow, but Carrie assures them there will “no one-way tickets to the gulag” and they should chill out and stop listening to Not-Alex Jones.

After the meeting, Saul approaches Carrie and mentions Peter’s memorial, but doesn’t say that Quinn got up out of his coffin, so we’re going to have to go with Quinn is still dead. Carrie didn’t speak at said memorial, and Saul is worried about her, but they haven’t talked because she keeps canceling. Boy that was a lot of ‘splaining!

Carrie goes in to see the President and new-Rob (on account of old Rob got blowed up). New-Rob is older, white, and looks like an unfunny Jon Stewart or maybe the secret love-child of Jon Stewart and Alan Rickman, although it would have been awesome stunt-casting if they’d actually gotten Jon Stewart for the part. Carrie’s just been “helping out” as a liaison to the intelligence community, but the President offers to make it permanent with a new job as a Senior Adviser, which Carrie would be happy to take as long as it’s okay with foster care and won’t delay her getting Franny back.

You’d think after she saved the President’s life, maybe Keane might have stepped in and helped out a little especially given that the guy what ratted Carrie out to Children’s Services is now in a military prison for conspiracy to do very bad things.

Speaking of which, Saul goes to visit Dar, and it’s a lot like when those two used to meet at the pancake house but with slower service. Dar quotes Graham Greene (the writer, not the Native American actor) because sure that doesn’t seem self-conscious at all, and is he really THAT in love with the sound of his own voice because you’d think he might be trying to convince Saul to get him out of jail?

He tells Saul that while what he did was unforgivable he wasn’t sure if it was wrong because there’s something “off” and “distinctly un-American” about Keane. Saul listens calmly and doesn’t say “Dude, people died in your false flag bombing, and we lost our man in Tehran, and your guy killed an FBI agent, and you put a little girl in foster care, and oh yeah your machinations directly led to the deaths of both Astrid and Peter Quinn.”

Instead, Saul just asks what he can do for his old friend. Dar asks Saul to contact a “young” (because that’s the way he likes them) classics professor at GW who’d want to know how he was doing. Saul gives Dar a pencil and paper to write the man’s name and number with. You’d think Saul would have learned by now after one prisoner used his reading glasses to slit his wrist and another jumped out a window when Saul wasn’t looking. Did he just do that on purpose because he knew Dar could either use the sharpened pencil as a weapon to escape or kill himself with it? Let’s hope it was all a plan on Saul’s part to allow Dar to quietly stab himself in the wrist and bleed out because the idea that this season will end with Quinn dead and Dar alive is very depressing.

Maybe “classics professor at GW” is spycode for please give me a pointy object?

Carrie is getting ready for a home visit by the Social Worker-Lady, one of the final steps before she gets her daughter back. There’s a knock on her door, but it’s Max, who Dar apparently forgot to  kill. Doesn’t he live there and have his own key? Maybe not. He’s drunk and very upset because they are apparently making Peter Quinn action dolls. (Are they life-sized and anatomically correct? I’m asking for a friend.)

She shoos him into the basement and warns him not to make a sound. The Social-Worker Lady shows up and miraculously does not ask to check the basement for unruly house guests even though that’s what caused all the fuss in the first place. It looks like Carrie passed with flying colors!

Carrie goes downstairs to check on Max who’s out cold. Carrie starts going through some of Quinn’s as yet undisturbed stuff and comes across a copy of Great Expectations, which possibly relates to the plot of our story in that Carrie is kind of Estella like, and Peter was completed devoted to her. She finds some pictures of Peter’s son, “John Jr.” as well as a photo of herself, which sets her lips to quivering, and her eyes to watering. Max wakes up and puts his arm around her.

Some time later, Carrie is sitting alone in her kitchen when her phone rings. It’s Saul. He’s being arrested and pulled out of his car like an unruly coach passenger. The television shows us David Wellington, the President’s Chief of Staff telling we the people, not to worry, this is totally normal, as we see the people including those at Carrie’s meeting getting carted away.

Saul may be old, but he knows how to use the Facetime.

Carrie tries to call the President but she’s not available, so Carrie runs to the White House which in Homelandia (as on Quantico) is located down the block from Brooklyn.

She manages to see David who tells her the “metadata” from the NSA shows Saul had a lot of contacts with the conspirators. Carrie points out that of course he did AS PART OF HIS JOB, and also he almost got killed when the car Rob and the decoy were in blew up. Carrie is not at all happy they used her to reassure people in the intelligence community that they weren’t going to go “full on Joseph Stalin” and then they did. Carrie then tries to see the President, but they wind up dragging her away, and taking away her visitors pass. However, Keane heard Carrie outside her office shouting, and this might be another Great Expectations reference: Keane is Miss Havisham and she is nuts.

Looks like Carrie won’t be getting that fab job in DC, and will have to settle for continuing to run the non-profit her sugar daddy benefactor set her up in. Good thing she didn’t go into too much detail when she talked to the Social-Worker Lady who who would’ve just figured she was delusional.

But in what universe do Keane’s actions make sense? How right is Dar? Will Carrie be forced to team up with him after he escapes with the pencil? Is Keane in fact “un-American” in the sense of being an actual spy?

Family photo of Elizabeth Keane taken as a teenager. (2nd from left).

Remember, how Keane met Carrie at Düring’s house? Will season 7 show us that Düring is really the evil Soros-like sorcerer behind everything? (Note: I do not believe Soros is evil, but it’s entirely possible the writers of Homeland do or they just think “evil billionaire” makes a good story.) They did give us a major hint Düring was a duplicitous douche when he encouraged Jonas to break up with Carrie, and there has to be some reason they brought him in and reminded us he was alive this season.

This is a horribly depressing finale, and not only for the most obvious reason. Why can’t America have nice things like a conspiracy averted, clean up of the intelligence agencies with maybe someone like Saul put in charge while Dar rots in prison? Why are we now told that Peter died for nothing? Why does it all have to continue to be so shitty? All this so we can get another season of Homeland? Apparently.

And thus endeth season six with Carrie Mathison, motherless child and childless mother standing in front of the Capital that looks gray even though the sky is clear and blue.

As we’d like to remember him….

Marion Stein

Marion writes television recaps and reviews for the Agony Booth, and books you can find over at Amazon.

TV Show: Homeland

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