Feb 6, 2020
Our Happy NCAA Tournament Bracket Is A Hot Mess, But We Battle On While Remembering The Better Days
Just a week ago (do you remember?) we were all so young and hopeful. It was a magical time. The Ukraine’s military dolphins were still Ukrainian, that Malaysian jet was hiding in the black holes in Don Lemon’s mind, and Pharrell Williams was teaching us all how to be Happy again. Most importantly, your Happy Nice Time People had produced the perfect NCAA bracket engineered to
amaze capture Warren Buffett’s billion dollars.
Then Harvard won, dashing our dreams of quick and easy wealth. No matter, there was still the all-important battle between Team Bandcamp (Lisa and Rebecca) and Team Sportsball (yr sportsball correspondent and friend) for Tournament supremacy.
For one shining moment it looked like Sportsball was ready to run the table. Sure, Duke’s first-round loss in the Second Round–the NCAA calls the tournament’s first round the Second Round because student-athletes–hurt but at the same time no one likes Duke. In the meantime, Dayton shocked Syracuse and Connecticut crushed Team Bandcamp’s championship game pick, Villanova in the Round of 32. Their bracket was tore up like the Family Ties mom in a Lifetime movie.
And then, just as Team Sportsball could sense an easy victory within its grasp, when all seemed right with the world, the High Lord and Savior Xenu punished this hubris by causing Wichita State’s late game collapse against Kentucky. Wichita State was supposed to Shocker the world. They were supposed to run the table and win the national championship as an undefeated mid-major. But that’s all gone now. Our bracket is also wrecked. The world feels so cold and empty.
And yet our will endures. The Sweet 16 begins today. Eight glorious and redemptive games Thursday and Friday followed by four more Saturday and Sunday. Games in which Team Sportsball can salvage the remains of its sorry half-bracket if only Arizona, Wisconsin, and Michigan can show we know something about this sportsball thing, which is a metaphor for life. Team Bandcamp has two teams, Florida and Michigan State, left capable of advancing.
So while we mourn the Wichita States and North Carolina Centrals and Nebraskas (dear God why did we pick Nebraska?), we must also recognize the grudge match continues. One squad, Bandcamp or Sportsball, will emerge as not completely embarrassed by this exercise in sportsball prognostication. Let’s look at the standings so far…
Team Sportsball: Nine first-round wins and four second-round wins for a current score of 13.
Team Bandcamp: Eight first-round wins and three second-round wins for a current score of 11.
Holy hell, that’s pitiful.