Oct 8, 2019
We Are Hiring!
Hey guys, whatcha doin’? Bein’ unemployed? That is so like you. Well WE HAVE NEWS and that is that our beloved Snipy has given us notice — she was all like FUCK THIS NOISE I’m OUT — and is going to be our night editor instead, which means HappyNiceTimePeople.com needs an editor or editoresse. What does that mean for you? Let’s sexplore!
Do you not have blogging ‘sperience? Then go the fuck away please. We need someone who can hit the ground running, with the FAST WRITING of many posts, the FAST EDITING of other people’s posts, the ASSIGNING and STRATEGIZING and CALENDARING of future posts, and the SOCIAL MEDIA-IZING the posts what are posted. It is a salary position, and therefore is not limited to nine-to-five. You should be hungry and ambitious and thinking things like HOW CAN I WORK MYSELF TO THE BONE to make this fucker EVEN BETTER because of how I am so large and in charge? That is what you should be thinking. You should also be a team player who says things like “Rebecca, how can I help you over at Wonkette? Do you need a post? Because I am so fast and awesome that I am already scheduled out for the day at Happy, and I have lots of knowledge about stuff about things.” You should say things like that (LIKE LISA DOES NOW).
What is HappyNiceTimePeople.com? It is like arts and entertainment, and feministy stuff, and pop culture, and some sportsball (some), and you should be able to spot viral nonsense quickly and put it up fast-like, so we can be a PAGEVIEW MACHINE that then allows us to also post little essays and stories and music reviews and book reviews and TV recaps maybe (but maybe not; hardly anyone reads our recaps anyway) and other stuff. The salary is $40 thousand per year, plus medical benefits, plus really nice bonuses. Email your best clips and a cover letter explaining that you are FUNNY and KNOW EVERYTHING and also nice to work with and ambitious and oh man the things you would do to grow our little website you have always wanted your own shop you are pretty much Jill Abramson and did you mention you are reliable, and we should give you a job to rebecca at wonkette dot com.