We Are Hiring!

We Are Hiring!

Look here, I’m an ambitious and hungry team player, SEE?

Hey guys, whatcha doin’? Bein’ unemployed? That is so like you. Well WE HAVE NEWS and that is that our beloved Snipy has given us notice — she was all like FUCK THIS NOISE I’m OUT — and is going to be our night editor instead, which means HappyNiceTimePeople.com needs an editor or editoresse. What does that mean for you? Let’s sexplore!

Do you not have blogging ‘sperience? Then go the fuck away please. We need someone who can hit the ground running, with the FAST WRITING of many posts, the FAST EDITING of other people’s posts, the ASSIGNING and STRATEGIZING and CALENDARING of future posts, and the SOCIAL MEDIA-IZING the posts what are posted. It is a salary position, and therefore is not limited to nine-to-five. You should be hungry and ambitious and thinking things like HOW CAN I WORK MYSELF TO THE BONE to make this fucker EVEN BETTER because of how I am so large and in charge? That is what you should be thinking. You should also be a team player who says things like “Rebecca, how can I help you over at Wonkette? Do you need a post? Because I am so fast and awesome that I am already scheduled out for the day at Happy, and I have lots of knowledge about stuff about things.” You should say things like that (LIKE LISA DOES NOW).

What is HappyNiceTimePeople.com? It is like arts and entertainment, and feministy stuff, and pop culture, and some sportsball (some), and you should be able to spot viral nonsense quickly and put it up fast-like, so we can be a PAGEVIEW MACHINE that then allows us to also post little essays and stories and music reviews and book reviews and TV recaps maybe (but maybe not; hardly anyone reads our recaps anyway) and other stuff. The salary is $40 thousand per year, plus medical benefits, plus really nice bonuses. Email your best clips and a cover letter explaining that you are FUNNY and KNOW EVERYTHING and also nice to work with and ambitious and oh man the things you would do to grow our little website you have always wanted your own shop you are pretty much Jill Abramson and did you mention you are reliable, and we should give you a job to rebecca at wonkette dot com.

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  • Mojopo

    What WHAT WHAAAT? Best to Snipy, because she is frigging awesome.

    • rebecca

      She IS frigging awesome. She will be our night editor because she has great news judgment and is fast and hilarious and then dok and I don’t have to get up at 5:30. Well, Dok probably still does.

      • marindenver

        So you’re saying we’re not losing Lisa? Please tell me we’re not losing Lisa.20 years ago I would have applied for this but I’m old and writer blocked and tired now. Oh well.

    • Annie Towne

      I concur!

  • BMW

    What the effing eff is this “Snipy…night editor” jazz? So she’s not leaving? So confoosed…Edit: just saw the reply clarfying. Not confoosed now.

  • pollosmoky

    Yes, but will the new person be forced to watch the Duggars & report? Because that could be a deal breaker . . . .

    • rebecca

      yes.

      • msanthropesmr

        You are cruel boss. Cruel.

      • Sally Johnson

        But if I watched the Duggars, I’d have to listen to Powerhouse by Raymond Scott way up loud so I can think about how industrial their relationship must be.

  • chascates

    Medical benefits? You mean this is like an actual business company enterprise?!?!??!

  • Ambignostic

    I read recaps if they’re funny and have lots of editorial opinion. Editrix does funny opinionated recaps, not everybody does. (Not kissing ass, JUST SAYING)

  • WTF? Are you hiring a new boss of me? Did you just Jill Abramson me? YOU JILL ABRAMSONED ME!!!

  • Ambignostic

    Do you accept applications from people with “-writes” in their username?

    • rebecca

      “writes” in your email handle is mandatory.

  • FeloniousMonk

    I never read recaps, because I don’t have a TV , but I make an exception for Lisa’s recaps of the Duggars. I shall miss those.

    • Ambignostic

      Not having a TV is the best reason to read recaps. Same reason I get the New York Review of Books, so I don’t have to actually read books.

    • TheLifeSilica

      Oh, yeah! I read those, too. It’s kind of like using one of those tinted disks so you don’t have to stare directly at the sun during an eclipse.

  • Homestar

    I love the Nashville recaps!

  • goonemeritus

    I’m totally unqualified plus I am happily employed breakingthe spirit of the proletariat. But I would like to put in a request for aregular advice column. A good column of this type would allow you to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

    • glasspusher

      A semi-regular sciency column wouldn’t hurt anyone. I miss the CR_eature features.

  • I would love this gig, and I am very unemployed, and I’ve been blogging for five years now, but I know I’d burn out in like two weeks.

    • rebecca

      That is mos def a thing that happens!

  • TheLifeSilica

    Recaps I read: Mad Men (so I don’t have to watch it!), Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, ALL THE TOP CHEF RECAPS FOREVERNot all men (don’t read recaps)

  • Fare la Volpe

    So you’ll be paying me to watch TV all day and complain about it, quite loudly, on the internet?Can you write my resignation letter to my boss or shall I?

  • mfp

    what’s that ya say?…a paid position at a (semi)living wage, with benefits and bonuses?…mmmm…sorry, but i’m only available for unpaid internships at this time

  • I would probably kill for that job. I have TV and cable and internet and I already write for a living. Do you take burnt out SEO ghostwriters?

  • Oh too bad, because I am proud to say I haven’t a drop of Irish in me & I hate their fucking music, but I’m afraid I’d be just like snipy & all fuck this noise about 10 mins. in. And I’m already paid to sit around typing shit all day, & while it’s no forty large there’s no one-eyed witch 20 yrs. my younger telling me what the hell to type. (Can’t have everything, I guess.)On the other hand I would be a perfect night editor. Seriously. I am usually going to sleep about 0500-0530 Pacific Time. Let me know the instant Snipy gets burnt out w/ that stuff, I’m there!!Plus I work real cheap. (Not allowed to earn over US$400.00/mo.) Dental?

  • Whoever gets the job: You’re not selling out. You’re buying in. If only they needed a night editor/foreign correspondent working out of Germany I’d be all in. I’ve been doing this kind of thing even before Pyra Labs came along. My favorite thing to talk about is how Bush ordered the torturing of toddler’s testicles under advice from his lawyer and totally got away with it. I can be reached. Enjoy.

  • IDreamOfNinja

    I don’t technically have the blog experience needed to not fuck off because this is for real writers. But I use Facebook to force my expert political/social commentary on people, THEN I tweet that same shit- but shorter. Plus anyone claiming to be a ‘real’ writer is a douchebag so I’ll just stay the fuck here. (But if that blog thing is crucial- I TOTALLY have one of those, too). My best asset? I paid a shit ton for a college education that spewed its graduates into an economy that immediately bent us over for a good, long-term ass fucking. So I can work harder and faster for whichever dickhead gave me whatever bullshit ‘job’, all with smile on my face. Combine that with my razor sharp wit, exceptional ability to write important shit all smart-like, and a rich and colorful vocabulary- from asshole to cunt to whatever starts with a Z…. I’m clearly the only choice. I’ll send a cover letter as a mere formality.

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  • WA Bishop

    I’d love the job but calling me a talentless hack would a serious affront to those many bloggers out there who worked tirelessly, day in, day out, to hone their talentless hackery.