Apr 27, 2018
Hero Cat Fetches Weed For Remarkably Ungrateful Owner
Weed-consuming people! Have you been feeling extra lazy lately? Not living somewhere where you can safely or legally cop? Consider making your housepets much more useful and teaching your cat to bring you some bud instead of doing what cats normally do, which is tearing up the drapes and batting your face while you’re sleeping.
An unnamed woman from the Dunedin, New Zealand neighborhood of Halfway Bush called cops this week to report that her cat had dragged a baggie with about five grams of pot in it onto her back doorstep. While the cat was undoubtedly proud of his haul, his owner wasn’t very pleased and called the cops to deal with the ganja.
Lady, why would you call the cops? Even if you don’t personally want to consume the demon weed, you probably know someone who does, and you could have made a tidy profit, as 5 grams goes for about $100 – $150 in New Zealand. Also, why deprive your cat of the joys of getting high? We’re pretty sure there’s no law on the books prohibiting your cat from getting stoned. Haha we have no idea if that is a true statement about New Zealand laws and we are not even going to look. For all we know, they have an entire section of the criminal code devoted to punishing cats for toking up, but it seems unlikely.
Even though Dunedin is supposed to be hella cool with weed, the cops there appear to to have WAY too much time on their hands, as they’re going to check the baggie for fingerprints. Really? Don’t Kiwis have actual crimes to worry about? Also too presumably the cat brought this gift home IN ITS MOUTH so the chances that you’re going to lift a perfect print and find this weed-possessing villain seems a bit slim.
We’d consider trying to train up our dog to do this as well, but our dog is so chill she’d just eat the weed herself and lay about the house for the next 10 hours, rousing herself only to eat taco-flavored Doritos, so looks like we need a feline friend if we want to pull this off.