Heather Locklear is Britney Spears’ Ghost of Christmas Future

Heather Locklear Is Britney Spears' Ghost Of Christmas Future

So on Sunday, which I know is like one million years ago in Internet time, but it has taken that long for me to process this, Britney Spears tweeted a photo of herself getting her bikini swag on for a video or something like that I don’t really care what.


Here’s why I am having deep feels about this: Britney Spears is turning into Heather Locklear. heather_locklear

I am a person of a Certain Age and that age is actually really damn old when Britney turned up but exactly the right age to have developed a healthy fear/lust response to Heather Locklear, who has given us some of the very best moments of teevee ever.

She was a gorgeous yet tough cop who could take a bad guy down by simply sort of ineffectually pitching a baton in his vicinity:

She wasn’t afraid to get her hands or her anything dirty:

Did you watch the whole thing? You have to watch the whole thing. Either you are a person of a Certain Age and you will watch that and think aww hell yeah I remember when this episode aired or you are a Young Person and you should know your history.

Heather Locklear didn’t just fight in water or mud. She took it all the way to the boardroom, baby:

Did Heather Locklear have the reddest power-est power suit? OF COURSE SHE DID HOW COULD YOU EVEN ASK SUCH A THING?


Next to all this, Britney is merely but a shadow, but she’s young and strong. If there’s a god in heaven, her next video will just be Britney in a power suit in one endless fluid-based catfight after another.

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