May 16, 2019
Hair Today, Gone to Westeros? – In Which HNTP Investigates Kit Harington’s Hairgate
Jon Snow may know nothing, but Kit Harington’s stylist may know just about everything about a key upcoming plot point in Season 6 of HBO’s popular fantasy series Game of Thrones.
. . . a haircut he purportedly despises, months after the character he plays on the show was Julius Caesared by his fellow Night’s Watchmen and that little shithead Ollie.
What could this possibly mean? Did Jon Snow survive the bludgeoning because he was wearing a bulletproof fur made of dragon glass?
Did that creepy witch Melissandre bring him back to life? Seeing as she (1) showed up at the Wall just moments before his death; (2) now believes him to be the Savior of Westeros; and (3) can form shadow babies that kill would-be kings, just by opening her legs?
Did Jon leave his body moments before his demise and enter a wolf, a rare skill called “warging” known to be possessed by members of his paternal bloodline?
Speculation, guesstimation, and conspiracy theories are running rampant across the interwebs on all your favorite websites (including this one, naturally). Just Google “Kit Harrington hair” and you will see exactly what I mean.
Truth be told, I haven’t seen this many legitimate news sources discuss someone’s choice of haircut since Keri Russell cut off her adorably curly locks in exchange for that craptastic helmet head in season 2 of Felicity.
But hey, you know what they say. If you can’t beat em, join em . . . which is why we at HNTP have decided to throw our proverbial hat into the ring and offer up ten possible reasons why Kit is currently keeping his Westerosi locks intact, at least for the time being. You’ll notice that many of these reasons treat actor Kit Harrington as being interchangeable with the character he plays, Jon Snow. This is because, like most TV Recappers, I am completely incapable of separating reality from fiction . . .
. . . and also because it’s hard to come up with ten reasons for anything, let alone someone’s friggin haircut. I don’t know how David Letterman did it for all those years . . . seriously . . .
- Jon Snow is alive, obviously.
Bandwagon? Consider yourself jumped upon . . .
- Kit Harington was recently filming something else that required him to keep his hair long.
Like Seven Days In Hell, which airs on HBO on July 11, and stars Kit Harington as a tennis pro who looks like this . . .
- Kit Harington’s ears were cold and his direwolf Ghost ate all of his hats . . .
- A Live Action Film version of The Simpsons is inevitable, and Harrington wants to play Krusty the Clown.
*insert Krusty’s trademark laugh here*
- A Live Action Film version of The Simpsons is inevitable and Harrington wants to play Sideshow Bob.
He’s just so broody, dark and twisty . . . a dream role for any young actor whose star is on the rise . . .
- Kit has recently read the Old Testament tale of Samson and Delilah, and fears a haircut will make him lose the magical sway he holds over the ladies . . . and Samwell Tarly, of course.
He says he doesn’t like being objectified by women, but that’s a bunch of hooey. What red-blooded male doesn’t enjoy being objectified by women?
- Where else could you find such a safe hiding place for all of Dany’s dragons?
- There’s clearly a weapon stored in there with Ollie’s name on it. That jerk deserves to die!
- His girlfriend needs something to grab onto when she “lies with him.”
- He’s a guy! And he’s tired. And he didn’t get around to cutting it. For Heaven sakes, people!
And that’s Kit Harington’s hair in a nutshell. On that note, I’m heading to the salon for a quick trim. So many split ends . . .