Guy Who Made Movie About Malaysian Plane Has No Idea What Is Going On Here, Anywhere

You might be thinking that it is one hundred shades of TOO SOON to be releasing a movie about the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, but that is probably because you are not a creative genius. Or a heartless bastard. Let’s face it. Our only real surprise is that CNN isn’t behind this film.

The director of a movie based on the Malaysian Airlines plane disappearance says he rushed the trailer of the project so he could bring it to the Cannes Film Festival.

“I was seeing the festival calendars and I could not miss Cannes. And so I told my team to make a trailer immediately,” said Rupesh Paul of his planned film, “The Vanishing Act.”

It wasn’t until he arrived at the festival that he faced questions over the timing of the film’s promotion and whether he was being sensitive to the families of the missing passengers.

“These things came in to my thoughts only after I came here,” said Paul, also a producer.

Swallow your distate to watch this trailer, because it is 90 seconds of inadvertent hilarity. What are the worst parts? Is it the fact that the beginning interior shots of the plane are filmed in that sickly green that has come to denote BAD THING GONNA HAPPEN ON THIS HERE PLANE? Is it the fact that the trailer has Michael Bay style super echo music? How about the so very much muchness of screen flicker that is presumably meant to convey that something bad will be happening soon? The countdown clock, which has its own flicker? How about the mysterious lady leaving the cockppit? The desperate kissing? The inexplicable gun???

You shouldn’t really worry your pretty little head about the last two, says the director, in a series of comments that make no godddamn sense whatsoever.

The trailer for “The Vanishing Act” shows two crew members kissing as a third looks at them angrily. It’s something the director says will not be included in the main feature.

“This trailer was not even meant to get released on the Internet online,” said Paul. “It was meant to show some investors and producers that the movie will be dramatic and thrilling. Somehow it got released, we had to give it to many people, it got out of my hands. And there is no love triangle in this movie at all and there is no romance in this movie.”

A handgun is also featured in the movie, but Paul said it isn’t what it seems.

“Everyone that has flown once on even a small flight will definitely understand that it is impossible to carry a gun inside, whatever you do,” he said. “So it’s impossible, but there is a weapon in the story.”

OK, so the whole desperate makeout thing has nothing to do with your film, but was just there to sex it up for the trailer? And the gun is there, but it’s impossible it would be there, and it isn’t what it seems? So the gun is just a red herring? Part of a charming anecdote mid film where someone remembers they accidentally put the gun in their carryon and wacky chaos ensues? Jesus Christ, man.

Paul promises the film will not have a tragic climax, which we’re just going to assume is that the thing goes down on ‘Lost’ island with everyone intact, because we don’t really think this guy has the imagination to do much more, thank god.


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