We Guarantee That Hulk Hogan Slapping His Butt Is The Ickiest Thing You’ll See All Day
So Miley Cyrus has a video where she gets butt nekkid and rides a wrecking ball. Of course you know this because you do not live on Mars. This has, of course, spawned many terrible things. There were the naked college boys atop a wrecking ball. There’s a hellscape mashup of Mumford and Sons’ “Little Lion Man” with “Wrecking Ball” that will have you hating both of them deeply by song’s end, no matter what your feels beforehand. Had enough? Haha of course you have but the internet doesn’t care. It is an unfeeling automaton that will throw wrecking ball-related things at you until you beg for mercy, and our job is to speed that process along. Today, Hulk Hogan would like to show you his ass:
We have no idea what is happening here. Hulk Hogan is coloring? And gobbling candy? And then a…much less masculine…man than Hulk Hogan hangs upside down in front of him eating what appears, upon repeated viewings, to be a pencil. So then Hulk Hogan has to climb aboard a wrecking ball to kick tank top guy’s ass. Is Hulk not strong enough anymore to just beat the guy up? And yeah, Hulk Hogan wears a thong. And yeah, Hulk Hogan slaps his ass. You’re probably thinking about quitting life now, aren’t you?
But wait! You can’t die before the big reveal! Yes, the Hulkster has a web hosting company, because Go Daddy wasn’t creepy or macho enough for some people apparently:
I’m busy hulking up, getting ready – trading in the pythons for web servers. Sign up, say your prayers, take your vitamins, and I’ll let you know once Hostamania is ready to run wild!
Wait. Why do we have to say our prayers??? Sure, it is a Hogan catchphrase and all, but being told to pray for our web hosting company doesn’t really instill confidence, you know?
Actually, he doesn’t even HAVE a web hosting company yet. He has a countdown TO having a web hosting company, so you can breathlessly await the thing. Only 26 days until you can have a much less pussy website, weakling.