Green Lantern (2011), a recap (part 9 of 9)

Welcome back to my latest patron-only recap! The full recap is available to those who pledge just $1/month on the Agony Booth’s Patreon page.

Previously: Hal pleaded his case for humanity… to the Guardians, oddly, instead of the big creepy cloud who just showed up on Earth looking to exterminate the human race. Also: Hector died, and no one really cared.

Parallax is still descending upon Coast City, and everybody’s still standing in the street staring up at it. Some of them are recording the cloud with their phones, and we surprisingly don’t get any close-ups on Verizon or LG logos here. Police cars are trying to clear the streets and evacuate the city, when suddenly the cloud touches down and everyone screams and runs away in a panic. The entire crowd runs right down the middle of the main thoroughfare, and then Parallax touches down at the opposite end of the street. So everybody screams and turns and starts running right back in the opposite direction. Brilliant strategy!

“If only we knew how to run down side streets!”

With the entire crowd making themselves easy pickings, Parallax swoops down over them, and now smoky yellow tendrils are coming after everybody. As the cloud passes over people, it turns them into yellow skeletons that get devoured by Parallax. Parallax then completely covers a building as we focus in on some kids running off their school bus. And I’m pretty sure this bit is only here to show the kids knocking over a guy with a fruit cart.

Fruit cart, fruit cart!

Their teacher comes stumbling out of the school bus and falls to the pavement, and she turns around and sees the face of Parallax, and it’s looking directly at her. It starts to shoot a yellow beam at her specifically, because I guess schoolteachers are especially delicious to Parallax. But then Hal flies to the rescue, and creates a big green catapult that catches the yellow beam and hurls it back at Parallax, causing the cloud to scream and roar as he gets hit with his own energy.

“You remind me of Mrs. Flanagan. She flunked me out of sixth grade!”

Then Hal puts some big green springs under a tanker truck, and launches it in the air, and then he creates a green artillery gun to shoot at the tanker and make it explode right in Parallax’s face. Hal tells the teacher to run, instead of stupidly still sitting there on the ground, just as Parallax shoots more yellow energy. Hal creates a green SWAT-style ballistic shield to block the yellow beam, but it still sends him flying through a delivery truck and then through an SUV.

Go-go, gadget-tanker!

Hal gets up and now Parallax is coming right for him, so Hal puts out some sort of green forcefield that stops Parallax in his tracks. But Parallax continues to shit-talk Hal, saying, “I feel your fear growing. You will be dead soon.” And so Hal starts to repeat the Green Lantern oath, I guess to build his confidence, and the whole time Parallax is talking more trash, and getting oddly personal about it, saying “I’ll destroy everything you ever loved,” and “The entire human race will be wiped out because you, Hal Jordan, were afraid!” Damn, dude. Did Hal Jordan piss in your Cheerios this morning or what?

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Multi-Part Article: Green Lantern (2011), a recap

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  • Jordon Davis

    I hated this movie and now I have the multi-part recap to prove why.

  • maarvarq

    “Here, of course, the asteroid belt is a dense field of giant rocks that looks like something straight out of Star Wars.” Just about every Hollywood movie depicts asteroid belts as looking like a rock beach that’s just been thrown into the air, so I’d be surprised if one like this had done any better.

  • David Klopotoski

    The thing about Green Lantern’s suit being all CGI… aren’t most superheroes in movies wearing CGI suits now? Did Robert Downey Jr. ever actually wear Iron Man armor? I remember seeing a lot of CGI cape action in the Snyder Superman movies. There’s also a shot of Paul Bettany’s face I remember where you could see motion capture dots even though he was in full make-up. I think a CGI Green lantern suit would have worked fine if the CGI didn’t suck so hard. That mask really does look cartoonish on his face.

  • David Klopotoski

    Also… “studios would much rather bet big and win big” is certainly true in a lot of cases, but WB seems to be trying a different strategy with Shazam! having a modest budget and the Joker movie being fairly cheap.