The Greatest American Hero “The Hit Car” (part 7 of 9)

Back in San Francisco (clang! clang! clang!), Johnny the Dancer tells the thug following Starlet that he wants this “ended”. Now, if you’re really paying attention here, you might notice that Johnny the Dancer has studied at the Telly Savalas School of Ambiguous Villain Dialogue, because he keeps talking about “this” being ended, and wanting to read about “it” in the papers. Hmm. Maybe he’s not talking about a hit. Maybe he’s merging operations with Jimmy Fingers. We then get three seconds of some no-name brunette leering at Johnny for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Next, it’s morning (huh? the thugs didn’t try to move in during the night?), and we get more priceless Billspeak dialogue. I’m guessing that Steve Cannell dissolved into fits of giggles at his typewriter whenever Bill started talking.

Pam: What have you got there?
Bill: What I have here is a half a box of stale biscuits that would float in a tub of spit forever. [hands her the box] See, a good backup man plans in advance because he knows that speed and efficiency depend on keeping the field operatives sharp and steady.
Pam: [holding up the box, which is clearly labeled “dog biscuits”] An army moves on its stomach, right, Bill?
Bill: [checking out the windows] You did good on the house, but you run a real sloppy feed kitchen, kiddo.
Pam: Bill, these are dog biscuits.
Bill: I know, what do you think I’m cryin’ about? Where’s Ralph?

Okay, two points for not doing the most obvious thing with the situation. Oh, and check out the Milk-Bone Brand X dog biscuits!

Caption contributed by Mark

”Huh, there’s even a prize inside! You, uh, don’t want to know what it is, though.”

Bill and Pam talk about how Starlet is coming on to Ralph, and Bill essentially gives Pam permission to punch Starlet in the face if she gets out of line with “our boy”. Interestingly, this is played as a minor early bonding moment for Pam and Bill, even though neither of them believes the other lives in “this century”.

Ralph is putting on the super-suit in the bathroom while Starlet, naturally, is banging on the door (“C’mon! I don’t mind sharesies!”). But Ralph has a suit-induced vision of the thugs waiting outside and quickly pulls on a robe, getting ready to bolt out of the bathroom. But then Starlet barges in wearing only her slip and starts going on about how she’s never been attracted to a “Fed” before. The suit is visible where the robe isn’t covering it—which means, cutely enough, it’s actually masquerading as pajamas for once.

Caption contributed by Mark

”Thank you for the offer, Miss Wild, but I like to brush my own teeth.”

Starlet starts to move in on Ralph, but he flees out the other door. Sometimes you’re just not in the mood first thing in the morning, you know? Plus, I’m pretty confident the woman has morning breath that smells like Hoboken.

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Mark "Scooter" Wilson

Mark is a history guy, a graphics guy, a guy for whom wryly cynical assessments of popular culture are the scallion cream cheese on the toasted everything bagel of life. He spends his time teaching modern history at Brooklyn College, pondering the ancient Romans at the CUNY Graduate Center, and conjuring maps and illustrations for ungrateful bankers at various Manhattan monoliths. Readers are welcome to guess at reasons why he's nicknamed Scooter, with the proviso that all such submissions are guaranteed to be rather more interesting than the truth. Mark lives in the Midwood section of Brooklyn with a happy-go-lucky, flop-eared dog named Chiyo who is probably, at this very moment, waiting patiently for her walkies.

Multi-Part Article: The Greatest American Hero "The Hit Car"

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