• Agonizer / Text / They'll Have To Pry It From Our Cold Dead Beer Koozie

Government Shutdown Hits Something Really Important: Beer

Government Shutdown Hits Something Really Important: Beer
OK, sure, we’re sad about the little kids not getting food, and not being able to go to Head Start, but now this shutdown thing is getting serious: NBC reports that the government shutdown

has closed an obscure agency that approves new breweries, recipes and labels, which could create huge delays throughout the rapidly growing craft beer industry, whose customers expect a constant supply of inventive and seasonal brews.

House Republicans, have you no sense of decency? Have you at long last no sense of shame?

The Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, or TTB, is a little-known arm of the Treasury Department. The agency will continue to process taxes from existing permit holders, but applications for anything new are in limbo.

“One could think of this shutdown as basically stopping business indefinitely for anyone who didn’t have certain paperwork in place back in mid-August,” said Paul Gatza, director of the Brewers Association, which represents more than 1,900 U.S. breweries. limbo.

This is a travesty. This is an assault on the basic values of America. This is the sort of stupid thing that could actually make people angry, sort of like what happened in 2011 when Minnesota’s state government shutdown came to an abrupt end once people realized that no licenses for beer sales could be renewed. Faced with the prospect of every single liquor store, bar and store in the state having to take major brands of beer off the shelf in the middle of the summer (and amid not-inconsiderable unhappiness from the beverage industry), the legislature and governor quickly made peace & reopened state gummint.

The NBC story details some of the horrific casualties:

  • Lagunitas Brewery in California is unable to market its autumn “Hairy Eyeball” seasonal beer in a new 22-ounce size
  • The owner of a brand-new brewery in Milwaukee is losing $8000 a month while waiting for approval to start operations, including a tap room.
  • Another Milwaukee brewery, Lakefront, is unable to get approval for new packaging of its IBA dark ale, and must wait for “permission to offer a sour cherry dark lager called John, a brewery employee’s own concoction.”
  • Yr. Dok Zoom’s favorite, New Belgium Brewing in Colorado, will be unable to bring to fruition its “three recipes and five new labels,” including a new seasonal, “Spring Blonde.” (And this, even though they have a solar and wind-powered brewery!)

Unfortunately, these relatively small breweries do not have the clout of the mega-brewers whose products never change and taste like damp air. If the shutdown drags on long enough, of course, Congress could start hearing from big brewers who want to push new product — wouldn’t want a conglomerate to lose money by delaying the launch of new Budweiser Ultra-Flat.

Please, Congress. If you won’t think of the children, won’t you please, PLEASE think of the innocent beer? A thirsty nation looks to you.

[NBC News / MPR]

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  • zb77

    If this means Americans have to drink pumpkin beer for the next six months, there is going to be a serious revolution.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Pumpkin beer is a crime against nature that rivals that shit Canadians call whisky.

  • weejee

    Damn hop heads.

  • Vecchiojohn

    brewers whose products never change and taste like damp air. IOr as the late great Mike Royko once said, American beer tastes like it was brewed through a horse.

    • Fare la Volpe

      How is American beer like having sex in a canoe?They’re both fucking close to water.

    • UnholyMoses

      The reason they serve American beer ice cold?So one can distinguish it from urine.

  • axonneuron

    Ok, this is getting serious.

  • Thomas Jablonski

    I own a craft distillery, this same issue has come close to putting me out of business.

  • Farb

    Is Bamz trying to dry out the nation? Izzit an Islami thing? Izzit a Chicago basketball cigarette golf Nigeria thing?

  • ryp

    What the hell are the jack-booted thugs of the Treasury Department doing telling us what kind of beer can be brewed anyway! I’m going to start making Galt’s Golden Lager. It’ll be like Coor’s Light, but with more contempt for the masses ( if that’s possible).

  • docterry6973

    Pain…chest…heart…….

  • $73376667

    Dok, you live in a border state. Do what your grandpappy did and bootleg!

  • mookworthjwilson

    It’s all part of Barry’s muslin conspiracy to turn this country dry!!!

  • Jared James

    THIS UNFUNDED AGGRESSION WILL NOT STAND!!!bangitybangbang!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    There will be riots in Milwaukee if/when they sober up and hear about this!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Possibly somewhat important update: http://www.startribune.com/local/227443781.html

  • JParkerSD46

    Dear Doktor. I’m sure it’s an oversight of your lazy, overpaid, prollee should be on furlough copy editor who’s prollee drunk on Pud Light anyway, but it “IPA”. Like I said, prollee too drunk to figure it out.And you should consider yourself damn lucky that New Belgium is even allowed to make beer what with all there Nazi-Marzist-Socialist “green” technology. Just wait til the next Repub-Tealaban administration takes over. They’ll be switching over to coal and shale oil if they know what’s good for them.

    • Peter Cogan

      Rut roh JP, no typo there. Lakefront DOES make an IBA (India Black Ale).

  • Deleted

    This post was deleted.

  • BigRedDog

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Shit just got real…

  • mtn_philosoph

    PLease, won’t someone think of the growlers?