No, Goldman Sachs, Ladies At A Tech Event Probably Did Not Want Nail File Swag

No, Goldman Sachs, Ladies At A Tech Event Probably Did Not Want Nail File Swag

So let’s say you’re a group of undergraduate women running a conference designed to “promote female representation in technical fields and create a community among women in technology.” That is a good thing! Be proud, stand tall. But it is a dumb thing to ask one of your sponsors to provide lady-themed swag. Also, too, it is a dumb thing for the sponsor, Goldman Sachs, to acquiesce to this request and provide Things You Think Ladies Like.

The conference, Women Engineers Code, or WECode, which was organized by an undergraduate student group at Harvard, featured stacks of cosmetic mirrors with the Goldman Sachs logo, a photograph posted to Instagram shows. The Instagram user also said that the bank brought nail files to the event.

Ladies just can’t stop checking their makeup or doing their nails, amirite guys??

Look, the problem here isn’t just that Goldman Sachs came up with the crappy bullshit reductionist sexist idea of makeup + nails = happy ladies. The problem here isn’t just that conference organizers of a women in tech event encouraged their sponsors to provide lady gifts. Also, we cut the organizers some slack because they are undergraduates, and we were not organizing conferences when we were undergraduates because we were high as fuck and organization was not our strong suit. But we digress. The real problem here is that we even think of something as lady-themed swag. What is dude swag? Can you think of anything? Things specifically related to having a dick don’t count, as that is the sort of thing that rarely makes its way into a swag bag. and we’re willing to bet hard cold cash that there aren’t many razors or beard trimmers that show up in non-lady-focused tech events, because we don’t perceive that dudes are so vain that even when coming to a conference on how to code, they’ll be thinking about how to touch up their beard mid-event.

But let’s talk about the real elephant in the room. This is some seriously low-rent swag, people. Nail files? Cosmetic mirrors? What do those things run, about $10 per 100, tops? You’re GOLDMAN FUCKING SACHS and you made approximately eleventy billion dollars last week and you’re sponsoring an event at HARVARD and you couldn’t spring for, say, a nice leather folio with some discreet branding? Jesus Christ.

Compared to Goldman Sachs, the conference-branded socks that Google churned out

…were positively classy and expensive by comparison. Do better, Goldman Sachs, Do better, undergraduates at Harvard. You are all rich and privileged and smart and rich and rich people. Surely you can come up with better ideas, or hire someone that can. Good lord.


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  • Mojopo

    Hold the F up – Goldman Sachs gave out grooming kits? Cheap assed grooming kits? I’ve been to charity events with better swag. This is not swag, this is contempt in a bag.

    • I know, right? Give me a free latte or something instead of fucking nail files.

      • Mojopo

        If they’re trying to woo tech – they could afford to buy everyone an espresso machine and round-trip tickets to a warm South American resort! People should spit in the bag and send it bag.

      • Annie Towne

        If they don’t file their long, bejeweled lady nails, how can they even type code? GS is just being thoughtful and sensitive to their special needs.

  • As I recall, but no, I’m not stereotyping, really, most male geeks would regard gifts of personal grooming items at a conference as insulting. Not because they weren’t needed (really, really needed), but still, being given a hint is not nice.

  • gullywompr

    Who says dicks never make it into swag bags?Well… OK… maybe not at a tech conference…

  • msanthropesmr

    Booze is always a good gift.

  • weejee

    Sad and pathetic. JP Morgan Chase was giving out
    Leona Helmsley
    Jamie Dimon bobbleheads.

  • Joseph

    There may be a gender gap between Goldman sachs management and the rest of the universe. I would have tough a nice bong in a case …? Some quality doobage?

    • weejee

      Sounds like it was in MA and not CO or WA, but what would that really matter?

  • Bernarda Alba

    For men you could have condoms and coupons for lap dances and a free iphone app that makes fart noises.

    • Froggage

      No, all of this should be available to everyone, esp. the fart app. Guys should get scrotal sweatbands, home brew kits (we ladies don’t love the hideous taste and explosions in the basement so much) and an app that quietly reprimands them when they skritch or adjust their junk in public.

  • savethispatient

    Male engineers access arrays like this: int i = pArray[index];but female engineers access arrays like this:int i = *(pArray + index);AM I RIGHT?!?!

    • rebecca

      I assume this comment was *HILARIOUS.*

      • Annie Towne

        I wouldn’t.

  • smallvoice

    Hi – Goldman Sachs good – brings you shiny women ritual objects – willing to trade with you for more, much more, much much more…

  • Kathleen Perez

    Just have to say that I attended huge Government computer shows for years and – yes! – there IS guy swag. I don’t want a baseball hat with Microsoft printed on it. (or anything else Microsoft) I don’t want to have to play golf to win a – wait for it – size XL t-shirt with ANY logo on it. XL only? Why??? So, obvs, no fingernail junk, but Google earrings? OK. Giant Android Robot plushy? Yes! Linux Penguin T-shift, size medium (women’s) Yes! Alice programming language beach towel, YES! See, THAT’s how it’s done. Also, stop “manning” your booths with women in bikinis. That is stupid and pathetic.

  • willi0000000

    nail files?just perfect.get ’em all stabby and give them weapons.[was there a body count among the GSers?]

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  • docterry6973

    What did I organize as an undergrad? I may have cleaned my desk.

  • hamletta

    The best swag item I ever got at a tech event was a credit-card-sized bottle opener. It comes in handy when I need to crack open bottles of artisanal, home-brewed nail polish!

  • Annie Towne

    Um, I organized many, many film shoots, including on-location film shoots, not to mention a whole bunch of neighborhood anti-crime watches in Berkeley and Oakland, but then, I always was an overachiever…and I was never high. Actually, I organized many, many things now that I think of it, but I should probably shut up now.

    • Froggage

      Yes, you probably should; wait until the topic of the post is “Virtuous Undergraduate Overachievers” and then go nuts.

      • Annie Towne

        Well, I wasn’t particularly virtuous, just organized. If that helps.

  • Froggage

    Goldman Sachs should have just sent a rep to read a short prepared statement explaining that they don’t understand the concept of the females doing anything with the computers but the shopping. And We Code, up your game, because your logo looks like your pamphlet belongs at HUHS and contains information on various forms of birth control.

  • hippie1367

    Leave it to GS to be too stingy to spend on free vaginal probes which is what all the ladies want.

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