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If We’re Going To Attack Michael Bay, Let’s Do It Right

You’re probably very excited to catch this sneak peek at this trailer for the new Michael Bay film, “Transformers 4,” especially since Bay had a near-death appliance experience while filming recently:

The production company did have a bizarre encounter with a man (allegedly under the influence of a narcotic substance) who was wielding an air conditioning unit as a weapon. The man, who had earlier accosted several other crew members, rushed onto the set in Quarry Bay and swung the air conditioning unit directly at Bay’s head. The director ducked and wrestled the air conditioner from his attacker, preventing what could have been a serious accident.

Jesus. Someone REALLY doesn’t want this sequel made. Perhaps next time the attacker could try a more effective weapon. Some great choices, in ascending order of likely effectiveness:


5) Treadmill Desk


You could really crack someone’s head open with that thing, amiright?

4) Wurlitzer Organ


Think of the really solid “THWACK!” sound that would make when it connected with Michael Bay’s forehead.

3) A really fucking macho recliner


The recliner is xxxtreme, so it is likely way stronger than normal wussy lady recliners.

2) Optimus Prime

If We're Going To Attack Michael Bay, Let's Do It Right

Highly effective, but might be a bit difficult to tote around.

1) The plot holes in “Transformers 2.”


Seriously, those things could take out an entire town, so they’ll easily destroy puny Michael Bay.

[The Dissolve]

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