VIDEO: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

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Cecil looks at G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, the live-action update of the Hasbro cartoon. The Ninth Doctor invents a nanotech weapon that gets stolen by the Baroness (Sienna Miller) and the other Doctor (Joseph Gordon-Levitt). So it’s up to Duke (Channing Tatum), Ripcord (Marlon Wayans), Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), and the rest of G.I. Joe Team to get it back. It’s a fun summer blockbuster with lots of action and tons of explosions that even has a good story! What more do you want?

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  • edharris1178

    Good stuff.  I enjoyed the hell out of the movie as well, much to my surprise.   Stephen Sommers is quite good at the summer blockbuster, I agree (though Van Helsing disappointed the hell out of me).  I also really want to see the sequel now.  Bruce Willis and The Rock in the same film?  Even if the film stinks, that casting makes it worth a look.

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      Awesome thanks :)

      Sommers really gets how to make this kind of movie.

      I can’t see the sequel being bad, although I am infuriated now because they just announced they are delaying the film to add in 3D. Why?!?!? Are people really clamoring for it? Stupid studio. Right now there is a good buzz going for the film, why delay it only to have people forget?

  • packman_jon

     I enjoyed this one in the theaters as well except that Ripcord annoyed the hell out of me.  Could I enjoy it now? Perhaps, except after seeing almost every episode of the revived series, I’d probably go nuts over the 9th Doctor’s not-Scottish accent. Ehh, I’d probably make references to bananas and say “fan-tas-tic” a lot.

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      I guess I was expecting Ripcord to be worse so I was glad that he was only “mildly annoying”. I was expecting him to act like he did in White Chicks and that would have pretty much ruined the movie.

      hehehehehehe now all I hear is the Doctor saying fantastic in a mix of his voice and his over the top attempt at a scottish accent.

  • Tim Terrell

    Why didn’t you point out how fucked up it was that the townspeople were going to kill Dr. Giggles jr. for his father’s crimes, even though he was just a kid? You and me have the same tastes: We both have fantsaies about Gabby Union and we both can’t stand Ellen Cleghorne. How’d she get on TV in the first place? Oh, that’s right. Lorne Michaels who, through SNL, brought us about 50 mega talented comedians….And 1000 talentless hacks.

    When I first saw this movie, I couldn’t believe they blatantly killed the only two black teens first. Why even have those two, who didn’t fit at all, in the movie if the director was going to do that?

    Silly hamburger picture…heh heh.

    Oh yeah, Larry Drake is the man.

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      I think our comments must be on the fritz, since this was for Dr Giggles!

      Well, I think killing Doug E Doug and the girl in the beginning was just to pad the body count.

      Ugh, yeah, Lorne gave us an overwhelming amount of garbage comedians but no worse than 90% of sitcoms.

      Larry Drake owns. I wish he would play more bad guys.

  • MephLord

    This movie also was a pleasant surprise for me, I thought I’d hate it but was really impressed.  Lee Byung-hun was the real breakout star as Storm Shadow, since we all knew Ray Park was solid and Sienna Miller has a good resume as well.  I’ll be very interested to see how Jinx is portrayed and also how Adrianne Palicki handles the role of Lady Jaye.  Personally for a third movie I’d love to see Kane Kosugi as Quick Kick, Simon Baker as Spirit, and would love to see Shipwreck, but have no idea who to cast for that role.

    • Fantasy Mission Force

      I can’t really stand him, but Russel Crowe always reminded me of Shipwreck.

      • Cecil_Trachenburg

        I’m with you. Crowe is an idiot.

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      I remember seeing Byung-hun Lee in JSA and he was great so I was very happy he was cast as Storm Shadow.

      I like Palicki and I think she will do a good job as Lady Jaye. I agree with you on the others. Actually the world needs more Kane Kasugi!

  • Sofie Liv

    Can I just say I am so happy to finally find out that I am NOT the only one thinking that Van hellsing is a very underrated movie!
    So many people hate that movie, but I really really like it. I… yeah. 

    As for this movie, I remember it mostly as just being fun! and I think many critics forgets that, this type of genre film, it’s number one concern shouldn’t be to be “Serious” or “Deep.” or what-ever, I know Batman did that, but that’s much more a “Christopher Nolan.” film than a “Batman” film if you get right down to it.. It’s a Christopher Nolan film using Batman names..
    These types of films number one concern should be to be FUN, a fun ride where you laugh and say “Oh shit.” a couple of times while watching, and yeah, I found G.I. Joe to be that! and.. I  believe I will go watch the sequel in cinema. Gotta be a heck of a lot better than Dark Shadows.. which yeas, I did go watch :/

    • edharris1178

       I thought Van Helsing started off great but gradually got really stupid.  The script just needed one more pass and I think it would have been just fine.  It should have been a lot better than it ended up being.

      Also agree about the Nolan Batman movies, very good point.

      • Sofie Liv

        I just can’t help it! maybe I am looking at the movie with nostalgia goggles as I was only fourteen the first time I saw it.. but.. it was my big introduction to the universal monster package, there was this commercial on the DVD and it made me go out and buy the whole big box set, which I still have an Love.

        And.. It got both Jekyll and Hyde, Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman fighting! yeas the story is thin, but it’s only an excuse for having these guys fight side-ways and long-ways any-ways. You could chose to spend more time with Hellsing setting up a “Deeper story.” but then the monsters would have far less screen time.
        The sets look great, the fight are creative and well paced, the monsters acts like they should, the vampire chicks are hot.. yeah, I don’t get all the hate surrounding that movie. For a movie about a guy fighting a whole bunch of Universal monsters I call it a.. exactly what I would want and expect from that kind of movie.

        Maybe I am wrong about that movie, a lot of people I respect sure seems to dislike it, but no matter how I toss and turn it, I cannot bring myself to disliking it, I still enjoy it.

        • Cecil_Trachenburg

          Van Helsing = win. :)

        • Mike

          You were 14 when you saw Van Helsing? I was in college.
          Man, I’m officially old.

      • Cecil_Trachenburg

        So many of the movies I cover I understand people not being into. Van Helsing confuses the hell out of me. I’ve seen it numerous times and (as I said above) all I see is awesome. I just don’t get what people didn’t like.

        • edharris1178

          I just felt it could have used a tighter screenplay. The bipolar Frankenstein’s Monster and Anna getting killed by being knocked over a couch were really the only two true deal breakers for me. Apart from that, it’s certainly a fun ride.

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      Exactly. :)

      This wasn’t meant to be high brow entertainment, it was a pure roller coaster ride. Yes, the Batman movies are much more serious and for some reason people compared GI Joe to Batman, which I don’t get. They were going for two completely different styles.

  • Patrick

    The Mummy was a dumb-but-fun action movie. The sequel was damn near insufferable. (Too! Much! CGI!) I’m actually considering seeing this movie now. It sounds idiotic, but in a good way. Eccleston’s presence alone is almost enough to tempt me. He’s one of my favorite Doctors, too.

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      I actually liked the sequel more than the original, although I will admit I saw the original more than 2. 3, however, I didn’t like.

      The movie is a live action cartoon. Action, fights, and lots of explosions. If that sounds like your cup of tea then you will enjoy this.

      Eccleston is chewing up the screen in most of the film so you’ll see a lot of him if you check this out.

      • Jill Bearup

        I LOVE the Mummy sequel. Probably as much as I love the original, even with the ridiculous CGI overload. Probably because CGI in the Mummy Returns generally means I yell, “CGI MOMENT!” and eat some chocolate.

        Anyhoodle, GI Joe looks like a ridiculous overblown mass of plotholes. But with lots of explosions, and I’ll forgive a lot if it’s not actually offensive and has lots of explosions. :)

        • Cecil_Trachenburg

          All this mummy talk makes me want to break out my DVDs. Haven’t watched them in a long while.

          GI Joe is no more plot hole filled than your average other action fest. It is lots of fun and very, very, explodey. ^^

  • Nuclearademan

    Ecclestone never stay in a role for very long that’s why he isn’t in the sequel probably. Which is a shame because he’s a great actor.

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      He jumps around all the time. I’ll watch the guy in anything he does, although he was wasted on Heroes.

  • Dennis Fischer

    Sorry Cecile, but the ’80s weren’t the greatest era for Saturday morning cartoons. As a parent, I can tell you that the ’90s were actually much better, when cool stuff like BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES, THE ANIMANIACS, PINKY AND THE BRAIN, FREAKZOID!, and EARTHWORM JIM were being made, and not looking like minimal Japanimation redubbed for the American market. Glad you had a good time with the film and its fannish references, but as you noticed yourself there were some major and rather stupid plotholes. Still, cool casting and decent effect do tend to cover up a multitude of sins.

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      90s had some great cartoons but for me they just don’t compare to the glorious amount of excellence from the 80s.

      Oh, the movie is silly and has many a plot hole. (why send Zartan on a mission to get the warheads back when he is so much more important to the “bigger” picture?!) However, when it comes to action movies I can overlook the missteps in favor of fun. While movies like Transformers fail to give me one tiny bit of entertainment (aside from the rifftrax) GI Joe delivered. No it wasn’t perfect but I enjoyed it immensely.

  • Jeff Bradford

    I’m sorry, but I have to go with the crowd in not liking this movie. While there were some things about it that were somewhat redeeming, the overall scheme of it was just so nonsensical. While I am aware that this is because of the writer’s strike, it just pans out so badly in my honest opinion. They picked a horrible lead actor, and it was so blatantly trying to sell toys that little gleams of Batman and Robin started tearing into my brain like the hulk ripping through his shirt. Yes, the action is pretty cool, and the special effects are well done, but beyond that this movie misses way more than it hits. Same thing for Van Helsing, I’m sorry dude, this is where we differ. Still a good review though.

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      Thats fine I don’t expect everyone to agree with me all the time.

      Tatum is a horrible lead and I did find it funny that out of everyone in the film he probably had the least screen time. You can’t have someone who stinks that bad and put him up against some great actors like Levitt and Eccelston.

      As for Van Helsing…I just don’t get it. When I see that movie all I see is awesome.

  • Olaf_the_Lofty

    Obviously I wasn’t the target audience for this film (too old, not American), but having seen Homestar Runner’s “Cheat Commandos” cartoons before this I couldn’t take any of it seriously:

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      LOL! I haven’t seen Homestar runner in a while, thanks for that. Very funny :)


    you’re wrong,Cec,this movie gi joke:the fail of coyuck is terrible,terribl,terrible.the characters were ALL WRONG and the story was just trash

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      That’s the crazy thing about opinions, we’re both right!


    they didn’t do their homework otherwise they would’ve known that duke had NO relationship with the baroness,the baroness and cobra commander WERE NOT related,snake eyes was unable to speak because he was disfigured in a hellicopter crash and not because his master was killed,zartan DIDN’T have some stupid tune he whistled and destro was NEVER seen without his mask and gi joe never used accelerator suit-type stuff but cobra would.they completely ignored everything about gi joe and marlon wayons did come off as a bufoon.and seinna miller was horrible as the baroness. i like alot of bad movies,but there was nothing good about this one.

    • CDiehl

      You realize that this was made by the company that made G. I. Joe, right? These are the same people who turned Battleship into a half-assed alien invasion movie. I don’t think Hasbro cares any more than the audience does about the G. I. Joe mythos. I doubt any but a few of the people who saw this movie knew it had one. It’s not a matter of not doing the research so much as the research being mostly unnecessary. I agree that the running joke of Zartan whistling the same tune every time he appears is incredibly stupid, because having your master spy have a huge, blatant tell is even worse than a world-champion poker player having one. A better ending would be to have the president make an ordinary phone call once he’s alone, which is monitored and relayed back to Cobra, and have it turn out it’s all code for “I’m in.” Other than that, I’m not sure how addressing your mythos-related complaints would make the movie better.

      • Cecil_Trachenburg

        The tell wouldn’t have been nearly as bad if they would have just done it once towards the beginning and then again at the end. That was a producer thing, they feel the need to beat the audience over the head because they fear we are too stupid to get it otherwise.

        Your ending would have been much better. Although again, this is one of those things that maybe would have been changed if the writers strike didn’t happen.

    • Cecil_Trachenburg

      Batman drove a regular red sedan not a black gadget enhanced tank. Superman’s human parents

      Jonathan and Martha Kent both lived long after he left Smallville and became Superman. Victor Von Doom was not on the same space ship as the Fantastic Four when they where hit with cosmic radiation.

      My point? It’s an adaptation. Sure, I would like them to remain as faithful as they can to the original source material but would that work? I love GI Joe but even I can admit that they would look ridiculous wearing their uniforms from the cartoon in the movie. They were trying to create a bit of history for a new franchise. Yes it veered but at least they didn’t create a bunch of new characters. They kept pretty close to the original. Cobra commander was still the leader of Cobra, Destro had a metal head (yes I know it was a mask in the cartoon), Scarlet was a crossbow shooting redhead, etc, etc.

      If you want to get really technical, GI Joe should have been about a bunch of gruff bearded military guys that drove jeeps and knew kung fu.

    • CaptainCalvinCat

      Oh I disagree.
      It was visual interesting, it was entertaining, had some funny lines in it and it had an interesting story. All in all, it was popcorn entertainment as it should be.