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Xena: Warrior Princess “A Solstice Carol”
Dec 12, 2018
Ghost (1990) (part 1 of 8)
The Cast of Characters:
Sam Wheat (Patrick Swayze). An amiable doofus who gains no insight after dying and breaking on through to the Other Side. Works to protect his beloved, mostly by covering for slip-ups he himself made while he was still alive. 
Molly Jensen (Demi Moore). We regret to inform you that there will be very few Demi Moore jokes in this recap, as this role challenges her to wear J Crew t-shirts, delicate earrings, and cry a lot. She acquits herself admirably on all three tasks. We recommend you seek out any of the other dozens of awful films she’s made to laugh at her expense. We apologize for any inconvenience. 
Oda Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg). “When Whoopi get-a an Oscar, everybody-a cry-a!” 
Carl Bruner (Tony Goldwyn). Dear Tony Goldwyn: I’m sorry you didn’t become a bigger star. And that you ended up in a film with only four characters, which by default kind of means you have to be the bad guy. You tried your best, and the fact that you shot Patrick Swayze point blank and it still didn’t prevent To Wong Foo does not reflect poorly upon you.
Sam Wheat (Patrick Swayze). An amiable doofus who gains no insight after dying and breaking on through to the Other Side. Works to protect his beloved, mostly by covering for slip-ups he himself made while he was still alive. Molly Jensen (Demi Moore). We regret to inform you that there will be very few Demi Moore jokes in this recap, as this role challenges her to wear J Crew t-shirts, delicate earrings, and cry a lot. She acquits herself admirably on all three tasks. We recommend you seek out any of the other dozens of awful films she’s made to laugh at her expense. We apologize for any inconvenience. Oda Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg). “When Whoopi get-a an Oscar, everybody-a cry-a!” Carl Bruner (Tony Goldwyn). Dear Tony Goldwyn: I’m sorry you didn’t become a bigger star. And that you ended up in a film with only four characters, which by default kind of means you have to be the bad guy. You tried your best, and the fact that you shot Patrick Swayze point blank and it still didn’t prevent To Wong Foo does not reflect poorly upon you. To read the rest of this article, support the Agony Booth on Patreon.
Jessica Ritchey
Born in Western North Carolina, Juniper was discovered in a filthy shack in the lovely Blue Ridge Mountains, speaking a made up language to a tattered rag doll, her only companion. Her social skills have improved little in the intervening years. She is currently making flailing efforts at being a freelance writer. One of history's supreme procrastinators she plans on writing a book about it someday.
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