Game Of Thrones Recap: All Hail Arya
Action? Check. Drama? Check. Arya? Check. Death? Check. Boobs? Check. Looks like Game of Thrones checked all the boxes this week with an episode that leaves us both breathless and desiring more RIGHT NOW. It was a whirlwind of emotions as we traveled around Westeros and the Free Cities, so let’s take a deep breath and dive back in for this week’s recap!
We start off in King’s Landing, with Jamie rather unhappy that Tyrion blew the deal he had struck to keep Tyrion alive. Lots of chatting by Tyrion about daddy issues — getting screwed over by father, screwing over father by not being found guilty. Tyrion smarts that living and dying at The Wall is not really a great life. He also notes that he has survived one trial by combat (thanks, Bronn!), and so no one should give up on him yet. Jamie says that he cannot be Tyrion’s champion, because he can’t fight for shit with his left (only) hand. Tyrion figures that Bronn will be his champion again. And then he asks Jamie who Cersei is choosing for her champion.
Cut to a giant man with arms the size of tree trunks disemboweling several men. It’s The Mountain, Gregor Clegane (brother of The Hound). Holy hell is he fucking huge. Can’t imagine this going well for Bronn.
Arya! We get to hang out with Arya again! Sweet. They find a dying man sitting outside, and have a conversation until The Hound stabs him in the heart, a mercy killing. He uses it as a ‘teaching moment,’ telling Arya, “That’s where the heart is.”
Immediately, someone jumps on The Hound’s back and bites the side of his neck. The Hound snaps his neck, and finds another man there, telling The Hound about the bounty on his head. It’s one of the people who was with Arya when she first left King’s Landing to go to The Wall! This is the guy who said he would fuck Arya bloody with a stick. The Hound asks if he is on Arya’s list, to which she replies no, because she doesn’t know his name. The Hound gets him to tell his name. Arya replies, “Thank you.” She then whips out Needle and stabs him through the heart LIKE A FUCKING BAWSE! Then she wipes her sword clean on the dead man’s cloak. We would vote a million times to put Arya on the Iron Throne.
We quickly check in on The Wall, where Jon suggests that they fill in the tunnel that gives them access to the North. He loses the debate. Ruh-roh. But no more from The Wall this week. Just a snippet to remind us that Jon is still up there, and that Mance will be attacking one of these weeks.
Back to King’s Landing, where Bronn finally decides to drop in on Tyrion, days after Tyrion sent for him. Bronn mentions that he is engaged, setting him up to inherit a castle in the near future. He reminds Tyrion that Tyrion once said if anyone tries to get Bronn to sell him out, Tyrion would double the offer. Tyrion wryly notes that he is a bit short on castles these days. They chat, and Bronn cares more for his own head than fighting The Mountain. Tyrion, ever the gentleman, notes, “Why are you sorry? Because you’re an evil bastard with no conscience and no heart. That’s what I liked about you in the first place.” They shake hands, and holy crap is Tyrion screwed.
Off across the Narrow Sea, we see Daenerys, who walks into her private chambers and is surprised to find Daario there. He brought her flowers. She is not impressed. Daario notes that he is good at two things: war and women. He doesn’t want to patrol the streets of Meereen – he wants to kill Daenerys’ enemies. “Let me do what I do best,” he says. Dany thinks for a moment, then agrees to let him do what he does best.
“Take off your clothes,” she says. Awwwww yeah. Sidenote: we like ‘rugged’ Daario much better than ‘skinny Fabio’ Daario from previous seasons. Agree?
Next we head to Dragonstone where Melisandre is taking a bath and talking with Lady Selyse. As a reminder, Lady Selyse is a devout believer in the Lord of Light. They talk about lying for the greater good. And then Lady Selyse asks that her daughter, Shireen, stay home from the upcoming journey. Melisandre says that the Lord of Light needs Shireen to accompany them on the upcoming journey.
Back to finish up with Daenerys. Jorah is on his way to see Dany when he runs into Daario leaving her room. Daario smiles and notes that Daenerys is in a good mood. The man must have skills. Jorah and Daenerys talk, and she says that she is sending Daario to retake Yunkai. She has ordered Daario to kill all the masters. Jorah talks Daenerys into some level of mercy, giving the masters of Yunkai the option of living in a new world without slavery or dying in the old world.
Back to our favorite duo, Arya and The Hound. The Hound is trying to sew his wound when Arya suggests cauterizing it. The Hound refuses to be near fire, and talks about childhood. He says that his face is burned because his brother (The Mountain) “pressed me to the fire like I was a nice, juicy mutton chop.” The worst part was the smell, he says. For the first time, Arya sees the human side of him, She then offers to wash out the wound and help him sew it up.
Speaking of travelers, here’s Brienne and Pod, who are having a nice kidney pie. Served by our old pal Hot Pie! You remember, the one who was traveling with Arya for a while. He blathers on and on about how to make a good kidney pie, and Brienne says that they are looking for Sansa Stark. Hot Pie says that he don’t know nothing. But when Brienne and Pod are saddling their horses, Hot Pie comes out and says that he knows Arya Stark. Looks like Brienne and Pod can now try to find both sisters, and Pod says they are likely headed to The Eyrie.
Back to King’s Landing, where Tyrion has yet another visitor, Prince Oberyn. They talk about Cersei, and the first time Prince Oberyn met Tyrion. Oberyn traveled to Casterly Rock shortly after Tyrion was born, and heard tales all the way there about the monster born to Tywin Lannister, the one with the giant head, claws, and one red eye. Oberyn was disappointed. He told Cersei that this was no monster, just a little baby. Cersei tolks Oberyn that this little monster killed her mom, “and she pinched your little cock so hard I thought she would pull it off. Until your brother made her stop.” Cersei then told Oberyn that she hoped Tyrion would die soon. Tyrion notes that sooner or later, Cersei always gets what she wants.
Which is when Oberyn says, “What about what I want?” Oberyn wants justice. Justice for his sister. And his sister’s children. He wants to start with Gregor Clegane. He volunteers to be Tyrion’s champion! Hooray! Maybe there is hope for the little imp!
But we’re not done with surprises yet. We travel to the Eyrie, where Sansa made a snow fort that looks like Winterfell. Robin joins her, and asks if Winterfell has a moondoor. Sansa says no. Robin wants to put a moondoor, but then knocks over part of the snow fort. Sansa says he ruined it, and they argue. Robin kicks over all of SnowWinterfell, which leads Sansa to slapping him. Robin runs away crying.
Littlefinger happened to be nearby, and comes to comfort Sansa, saying that slapping Robin is something his mother should have done a long time ago. Sansa asks Petyr why he really killed Joffrey. He tells Sansa that he loved her mother, and he did it because Joffrey hurt the Starks. Then, he tells Sansa that she is far more beautiful than her mother ever was. And then he kisses her! And we see that Lady Lysa is watching.
Later, Lady Lysa calls Sansa to the throne room, where they look through the moondoor. Lysa talks about what happens to bodies that fly through the moondoor. Then she calls Sansa a little whore because she kissed Petyr, grabs her and forces her to her knees before the moondoor. Screaming in rage, she holds Sansa’s head down and screams about looking down through the moondoor, perilously close to shoving Sansa through it. Petyr comes in and demands that Lysa stop. Lysa, hysterical with jealousy and rage, screams that Petry loves Sansa.
Petyr calmly waks towards them, saying to let her go. Lysa screams that she loves Petyr, that she killed for him, and demands to know why he brought Sansa to the Eyrie. Petyr promises to send Sansa away. He swears on his life and by all the gods that he will send her away. Lysa finally relents, and Petyr walks to her as she is crying.
He says softly comforting her, “I have only ever loved one woman. Only one, my entire life. Your sister.”
Once recognition sparks in her eyes, Petyr pushes her. Straight through the moondoor. Fade to black.
Holy hell, what happens now? Will Prince Oberyn prevail against The Mountain? Will The Wall be overrun by Wildlings? Is it possible for Arya to be more awesome? Looks like we have to wait TWO WEEKS to find out, as HBO is not airing an episode over Memorial Day weekend. But here’s the preview:
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