May 12, 2014
Game of Thrones Recap: Kill the Masters
Were you surprised at the end? We were surprised at the end. We did not see that coming, mainly because we have Read The Books, so perhaps HBO wants to show us who is boss (it is HBO – they are the boss, and they are taking control of the show). Even if you haven’t read the books (which this recap does not discuss, because we are not a book blog), this week’s episode had plenty of momentum, along with some rape, just for consistency. Let’s get our recap on.
We begin with Dany’s servant teaching Grey Worm, the leader of the Unsullied, how to read and speak in Westerosi (English). After a moving story about how Missandei became a slave/servant, we hear Grey Worm say that he doesn’t want to return home to the Summer Isles. What does he want to do instead?
“Kill the masters.”
This ain’t no peaceful slave rebellion.
Grey Worm and others sneak into Mereen at night, to a secret meeting with the slaves of the city. The slaves are contemplating rebellion, but some don’t want to do it. Grey Worm and the others bring weapons, and let the slaves know that for every master, there are three slaves. And if they want their freedom, they will have to fight for it. Grey Worm goes all Rudy on us, and gives a passionate speech. Cut to writing scrawled on the wall in blood the next morning:
Kill the Masters.
We sense a theme. Are you ready for blood and gore? Will the streets of Mereen run red with the blood of the masters? Will Game of Thrones earn its TV-MA rating?
One lone guy is wandering the streets early, and we see dozens of slaves fall upon him, stabbing, kicking, and all that good warring stuff.
And that’s it. Cut to Daenerys giving a speech, with all the masters corralled in front of her.
Seriously, HBO? You will give us an uncomfortable incest-rape scene beside a dead body, but won’t give us the satisfaction of a bloody slave rebellion? What’s the deal? Boo, we say. Boo.
Moving on, Daenerys decides to mete out some justice, Targarian style. She is advised that, “sometimes it is better to answer injustice with mercy.” But the Mother of Dragons is having none of that pansy-ass bullshit: “I will answer injustice with justice.”
She then nails 163 masters to posts around the city, mirroring the dead slaves we saw in the first episode of the season. Did we mention that they are alive when they are nailed up there. Yeah, they are alive… at least they are alive when nailed to the posts. Not a fun way to die, we imagine. We hear the screams of masters as we pan out from Daenerys, with the Targarian flag draped in the background. Targarian justice, bitches.
We move on to Jamie and Bronn practicing with swords, where Bronn pushes Jamie to go see Tyrion, which he finally does. They have some fun dialogue, including:
Tyrion: Are you really asking if I killed your son?
Jamie: You really asking if I’d kill my brother?
All on the same page now, except that Jamie won’t help Tyrion escape. Sorry, little man, you have to await the trial which we are sure will be 100% fair and balanced. They finish their discussion with this ominous line from Tyrian: “Sansa’s not a killer… not yet, anyway.” Bum-bum-BUMM. Whaaa? Did Sansa plot a murder? But she seems so sweet?
Cut to Sansa, in the boat with creeptastic Littlefinger. Littlefinger WHO ADMITS TO MURDERING THE KING! He admits to killing that ‘little twat Joffrey’ (Bronn’s words, not ours). He used the necklace that Ser Dontos gave to Sansa, with one of the stones containing poison. And he worked with… who? Not Ser Dontos, because he is a drunk. Not Tyrion, because… well, Sansa believes in him. Then who? Will we find out? And why would Littlefinger do that? What was his motivation?
Littlefinger does give some great ‘Art of War’-esque advice:
“A man with no motives is a man no one expects. Always keep your foes confused. If they don’t know who you are, or what you want, they can’t know what you plan to do next.”
Remember that the next time you are planning a fictional regicide. And what does Littlefinger want, after all?
Riiight. Rock on, creepy man.
Next we move to Margaery, talking with her kindly grandmother. Such a nice old lady, right? She tells a sweet story about how her sister was almost engaged to Luther. The evening before Luther was going to propose, she happened into his room, and basically fucked his brains out. He didn’t propose to her sister. Why? “The only thing he wanted was the thing I had given him the night before. I was good. I was very very good.” Awww, yeah. Nothing like a woman using her sex to get what she wants. She advises Margaery to get in good with Tommen, wink wink, before Cersei turns him against her.
Oh, and the grandmother also admits to helping kill Joffrey! Whaaa? A plot between the Tyrells and Littlefinger? To what end? Other than disposing of Joffrey. And she gives some parting advice to Margaery: “You just do what needs to be done.” Damn, this old broad is strong as Valyrian steel.
We then move to The Wall, where Jon Snow is trying to teach folks how to fight against the Wildlings. There’s tension with the Acting Lord Commander, who humiliates Jon in front of others. Such tension, what with the choosing of a new Lord Commander on the horizon and Jon Snow being all popular. Foreshadowing? Who knows.
Hey, look! It’s Cersei, drinking like a blogger at 9 am. She has words with Jamie, arguing that there are not enough men guarding Tommen. Cersei wonders why Cate Stark let Jamie go free. She wants Jamie to go hunt Sansa, and bring Cersei the head, “of that murderous little bitch.” Jamie tells Cersei that Tyrion didn’t kill Joffrey. Cersei not happy, and quickly dismisses Jamie. No rapey rapey tonight.
Next, we see Tommen in bed. Margaery comes to visit, filling the room with enough sexual tension to make any adolescent boy go nuts. She talks about keeping her visit, “our little secret.” She just wants to get to know him, since they will likely be married. We would keep any secret she asked. Holy hotness, batman.
Is it creepy because Tommen is like thirteen or fourteen? Yeah, a little. It’s kinda hot-for-teacher. But nothing actually happens, so maybe less creepy? Whatever, Margaery is hot.
Jamie is talking with Brienne. He apparently wants to keep his word to Cate Stark. He gives Brienne his Valyrian steel sword, a full coat of armor, and a squire (Pod!), in order to go find Sansa and get her somewhere safe. We like the nice, knightly Jamie way better than the rapey Jamie. Will this tortured soul continue to flit back and forth between Honorable Man and Rapey Kingslayer? Who knows. Also, in a sweet gesture, Brienne names the sword “Oathkeeper.” Then, Jamie and Brienne say goodbye. Will their paths cross again? Will they look longingly into each other’s eyes ever again?
Back at The Wall, Sam frets leaving Gilly at Molestown. Jon worries about Bran. Then Jon gets permission from the Acting Lord Commander to go to Craster’s keep and attack the rebel Night Watchmen there. But he has to take only volunteers. He then goes all Rudy, or maybe O Captain! My Captain!, on us, and several brothers volunteer to go with him. Hey, what is going on with those rebels? Are they knitting and hanging out?
No, they are not. Their leader is drinking wine out of the Lord Commander Mormont’s skull. And they are raping the hell out of all of Craster’s daughter-wives. We are treated to the wonderful phrase, “Fuck em till they’re dead!,” as all the men are taking turns with the daughter-wives. Also, everyone is a ‘fucking cunt.’
A woman brings in Craster’s last child, a boy. The women there say that he has to be left as a sacrifice to the White Walkers. So they send a guy to deliver the baby, who takes him out to leave in the snow. We also see that they rebels have Jon Snow’s direwolf, all caged up.
And who is that that hear’s the baby crying? Hey look, it’s Bran and Hodor and the gang! Bran goes all warg to check out what’s happening, travelling in Summer. Right when Summer sees Ghost, he is caught in a trap. So the four of them wander over and spy on Craster’s keep. Then they get captured! Hodor is tied up like a circus freak, and folks are torturing him. Bran finally breaks down and admits who he is.
Then flash back to the baby, who is picked up by a White Walker. The White Walker carries the baby to some sort of Westerosi/North-of-The-Wall Fortress of Solitude-looking place. In some sort of ritual, the baby is placed on an alter-looking thing, made of ice. And a White Walker, perhaps the one in charge, touches his cheek, and we see his eyes turn blue! Ice blue, like the White Walkers! Scary!
Fade to black.
Whoa. That was a heavy episode. Who knew that the White Walkers were so organized! Will Bran and Jon meet when Jon attacks the rebels? And what about our buddy cop duo, Arya and The Hound? When will Dany turn her eyes to King’s Landing? Here’s next week’s preview. Should be a good one, with battle, blood, and most likely, boobs:
Watch Game of Thrones Sundays at 9 pm on HBO.
Catch up on previous episodes.