Game Of Thrones: Death, More Death, A Wedding, And Finally More Death

Holy crap, how can so many people die?

Do you like death? How about gruesome deaths? Old-fashioned burning-at-the-stake deaths? Deaths shrouded in mystery? If the answer to all these is yes, then Game of Thrones is right up your alley this week! If you don’t like death… well, there was also a wedding. And with GoT, what could possibly go wrong at a wedding?!?! Let’s get our recap on. 

If you watched the show, we’ll get to the wedding. But first we have to check in on what else happened, because we want to recap the WHOLE show, not just the shocking ending, which is shocking and you will be shocked at the end of this post.

We begin with death. Bolton’s bastard, Ramsey Snow, is running through the woods with some hunting dogs, chasing big game. Theon Greyjoy, now Reek, is hobbling behind his new master, looking thoroughly pathetic. Ramsey fires an arrow, striking a tree right next to his game. Did we mention that they are hunting a teenage girl? Fun times. Ramsey’s female companion finally shoots the hunted girl in the leg. As she begs for her life, Ramsey decides to let the dogs finish her off, so we’re off to a rollicking gruesome start.

We later see that Reek has been tortured to the extent that he no longer responds to the name ‘Theon Greyjoy,’ and is even docile enough to shave his tormentor, Ramsey Snow. Ramsey has also learned that Bran and Rickon are alive, telling his father, Lord Roose Bolton, who has been promised the north. Stupid surviving Starks, ruining Bolton’s plans.

We’ll go ahead and note that Arya Stark does not make an appearance this week, which gives us a sad.

But speaking of Starks, we do catch up with Bran as he travels north of The Wall with Hodor, Jojen, and Meera. We are reminded that Bran is a warg, one who can mentally inhabit an animal, in this case, his direworlf. He then finds a weirwood tree, touches it, and has crazy visions that flash across the screen too fast to fully comprehend, although the Iron Throne was definitely a part of it. And then he knows that he must travel further north to get to where he needs to be.

Warg boy touches tree right before crazy vision.

Then, since there have been literally minutes without death, we head to Dragonstone where Stannis is seeking the favor of the Lord of Light. Because the night is dark and full of terrors, he lights up the night with bonfires. And just to be sure to curry favor, he includes some people tied to the stake in the midst of the bonfires, including his own brother-in-law. Stannis seems to be going all-in on the side of Melisandre and the Lord of Light. Is he truly a religious fanatic? Or does he just see that this dark magic is working? Who knows, but the bodies are piling up fast.

Back in King’s Landing, we get to the heart of the episode, the royal wedding between teen heartthrob and sadistic asshole King Joffrey and the lovely Margaery Tyrell. Before the wedding, we see Tyrion continue to show a softer side, offering to have Bronn help secretly train his one-handed brother Jamie, so that Jamie can practice using a sword in his left (only) hand.

Family reunion.

Also before the wedding, our favorite spider, Lord Varys, pulls Tyrion aside and says that another of Sansa’s servants has reported Shae to Cersei, and offers to help get her out of town. Tyrion reluctantly agrees. In his chambers, he yells at Shae, calling her a ‘whore’ about eight times, and then has Bronn take her to the docks to get on a ship. Once again, Tyrion seems to be acting in a way to help others, and we are beginning to like the little man more and more.

Goodbye, Shae! You will be missed, but glad you didn't die.

Before the wedding, there is the tradition bestowing of gifts to the royal couple. Tyrion, ever seeking to improve the mind and temperament of Joffrey, presents a thick book, “The Lives of Four Kings.” Joffrey, surprisingly not an asshole for just a moment, says nice things to his uncle about it being peacetime and we should all seek wisdom. That lasts a whole minute or so, until his grandfather presents him with a Valyrian steel blade. Like the douche he is, he seeks a name for it, and settles on Widow’s Wail. Then he tests it out on the very book his uncle gave him, proving before all the kingdom that no book of learning is safe in his kingdom. He also brags about how he will remember chopping off Ned Stark’s head every time he uses the sword, hoping no one remembers that he only gave the order and had his headsman do the dirty work.

On to the wedding, where it’s a beautiful ceremony and NO ONE DIES! Not normally something to celebrate, but this is a high-profile ceremony in Westeros, so let’s enjoy the little things.


At the reception, we are treated with little snippets of conversation between characters who are usually not together. Prince Oberyn makes eyes at Ser Loras while being overlyfriendly with his lady friend. Tywin Lannister and Lady Olenna Tyrell have some witty conversation about the costs of weddings and wars. Jamie Lannister threatens Loras, saying that he will never marry Cersei. Loras comes back with, “And neither will you,” mocking Jamie for the incest that is now pretty much common knowledge. Olenna Tyrell invites Sansa to come visit her when the wedding is over, making a veiled reference to the Red Wedding. Cersei and Brienne have words about Jamie, and Cersei learns that Brienne loves him. And finally, Prince Oberyn confronts Tywin and Cersei, threateningly reminding them that Cersei’s daughter, Myrcella, is in Dorne. Drama all over the place.

But let’s move on to our favorite sadistic bastard, King Joffrey. Bored with a beautiful musical rendition, he throws rudely throws some coins at musicians to make them leave the staging area. Beautiful music is not the King’s taste, but rather a classless comedic romp of midgets acting out the War of the Five Kings. The bawdy play shows Renly Baratheon repeatedly stabbed in the bum, clearly noting that he was a ‘pillowbiter.’ And it ends with the little person playing King Joffrey play-humping the wolf mask that represented Robb Stark. Joffrey is laughing hysterically, while the rest of the guests are pretty horrified. All the class we have come to expect.

Next, the King asks Tyrion to join the little people, that surely there must be another costume available. Ain’t Joffrey the sweetest? Tyrion responds with a very proper response mocking the king for lack of bravery at the Battle of Blackwater. Knowing he cannot outwit his uncle, Joffrey does the sensible thing. He walks over to Tyrion and pours his wine over his uncle’s head. Class motherfucking act.

Even as Margaery tries to draw Joffrey back to the important things, Joffrey can’t help his nature, and demands that Tyrion be his cupbearer. Joffrey drops the goblet, then kicks it under the table, forcing Tyrion to crawl around to retrieve it. Sansa decides to help her husband, and picks up the goblet and hands it to Tyrion. Joffrey then demands that an empty goblet is useless, so Tyrion fills it with wine. Joffrey demands that Tyrion kneel before the king. Tyrion just stands there. They stare at each other, neither giving an inch. The tension ends when Margaery yells that the wedding cake has arrived.

Tyrion seeks to slink away as they are eating cake (although only Joffrey eats the cake), but Joffrey demands more wine. When Tyrion fills the goblet, he asks if he and Lady Sansa can leave.

As Joffrey begins to demand that they stay, he starts to cough. Then he begins to choke. He stumbles forward, and both Cersei and Jamie are there to try to help him, but nothing can be done. Eyes bulging and mouth frothing, blood running from his nose, King Joffrey appears to be dying.

At this moment, we cut away to see Ser Dontas, the fool, coming up behind Lady Sansa and telling her that now is her chance to escape, but she must come immediately.

Joffery, eyes bloodshot, is cradled in his mother’s lap as he finally dies. Drat… who are we going to love to hate now? He was such a perfect little monster, completely sadistic in every way.

Die, rat bastard, die.

As he dies, his arms are flailing, but are they pointing at something? Perhaps someone? Cersei immediately thinks that Tyrion has poisoned the King, and the episode ends with Tyrion being arrested.

But who did it? Was is Tyrion? Perhaps Olenna Tyrell did not want her daughter married to such a monster? Or did Sansa put something in the goblet before she handed it to Tyrion? Maybe the cake was poisoned? Is this whole season just a dream? Will weddings now be outlawed in Westeros? All we do know is that this episode started and ended with death, so no one in Westeros is safe.

Next week, we pick back up with Daenerys and her adventures across the Narrow Sea. We also see what’s happening up at The Wall. Oh, and does Tyrion lose his head? Who knows.

Here’s the Episode 3 preview, and as a reminder, Game of Thrones airs Sundays at 9 pm on HBO.

TV Show: Game of Thrones

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  • NDeeeZ

    Margaery Tyrell to Cercei: “STFU, brotherfucker; I’m the Queen now!”

  • Greg Comlish

    I thought Brienne was a lesbian. I thought she wanted to fight for Renly because they were both LGBT. I thought she worked for Catherine Stark because she fell in love. Brienne was basically the Xena of the series. Brienne’s “love” for Jaime makes no sense. I’m shocked that George R. R. Martin risked alienating the sensitive lesbian viewership by having the show’s most iconic lesbian get cock fever. It’s like when Ani Di Franco got married all over again.

    • I think it was pretty well established in the books that Brienne loved Renly deeply. Whether it was platonic or romantic love was never made entirely clear. She was clearly devastated by his death and her failure to protect him.

    • sbrentbill

      She does not love Jamie, she does care for him because he saved her life. That is why she did not answer Cersi and walked away. She is still your favorite lesbian!

  • Homestar

    Oh, I’m so glad they didn’t wimp out on this one. I’ve been waiting so long to see Joffrey die. I won’t throw in any spoilers, but the way it was orchestrated was beautiful. Of course I’ll miss the actor who played Joffrey, since he inhabited the role so well, but there is so much plot to get to, I’m glad they didn’t linger on the stability of King’s Landing for too long.Poor Tyrion. He’s genuinely trying to do the right thing. He’s always been my favorite character. Finally Sansa will have something to do. The actress was excellent in this episode. But I always want to see Arya. She is the best.

    • DDM

      Yeah, I agree that the pacing and tempo of the last scene where Joffrey dies was especially well-done. And the actor that plays Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) will be missed, because he played such a wonderful little bastard.

    • Greg Comlish

      While I was eager to see Joffrey die, I thought the manner of death was a real let down. I really wanted to see him get killed in an open act of vindication. If not outright gloating then I wanted there to be at least one moment of recognition between murderer and victim. Instead all he can do is point the figure at the one person who openly defied him because he’s a dipshit who doesn’t realize how universally loathed he is.

      • Homestar

        I actually thought it was a good move to not go over the top, because avoiding comparisons to the Red Wedding (despite the obvious comparison, in that there is death at a wedding reception) is important. I appreciated the drama of the Red Wedding, but I think it would have been too much, too soon. I also don’t think Joffrey deserved to recognize his murderer. I like the suddenness of it, and I also like how it will undermine the Lannisters, who thought (well, some of them) that they were in control.

  • Annie Towne

    The ‘cake’ was a pie, a huge pie filled with doves. Also, Bran’s vision was full of interesting information, not least of which, the image of a ruined, blackened Red Keep throne room into which snow is falling,followed by the rooftops of King’s Landing over which a huge dragon’s shadow floats. I wonder if Bran’s warginess means that he could control a dragon…?That was Sigur Rós playing and singing at the wedding. The dinner scene with the Stannis family was very disturbing. Mrs. Stannis is off her rocker, I’d say; she seems to have an orgasm as she watches her brother die (I think it’s her brother). I’m pretty sure I saw how Joffrey was poisoned, and by whom, but we’ll see. I think this was the best episode of the series, so far (with Blackwater now bumped to 2nd best).

    • Greg Comlish

      You’re right Warg + Dragons would be pretty much unstoppable.

  • While I’m pleased enough that Joffrey died, it is because I know that his assassination is the first rock in the avalanche that will eventually bury House Lannister. I cannot wait.

  • Brendan_M

    Also, dude, “midget” is not the preferred nomenclature. They’re dwarves.

    • Greg Comlish

      actually they prefer the term “little people”

  • Vienna Woods

    I love Diana Rigg as Olenna. When I’m a grandmother I want to be just like her, although I don’t think either of my sons could be as douchey as hers. But then, I also wanted to grow up to be Mrs Peel.

  • NDeeeZ

    Cersei makes a point to have the left-overs served to the kennels, not the townspeople. It could be that A) she’s just twisted enough to not want to do anything nice for the villagers EVER, orB) She knew the wedding pie was poisoned.

    • laineypc

      I think we can safely surmise 2 things:1) Cersei would probably prefer poisoning the townspeople over dogs.3) Cersei would not and did not poison her beloved incest baby.

    • Greg Comlish

      Cersei doesn’t want the food distributed because she doesn’t want Margaery to have the popularity and affection of the commoners. Cersei is getting elbowed out and she’s grasping for power. Also she is a strong believer in conservative values and opposes government hand-outs.

  • mellowjohn

    small nit to pick: Olenna is Margaery’s grandmother, not her mother.

  • sbrentbill

    If you watch closely when Olenna touches the head of Sansa she palms something and the goblet was next to her right before Joffrey takes his last drink. Read the books and you will know the truth!

  • Duxburian

    And Jonsi appearing as the minstrel was nice too.

  • savethispatient

    No elitist book-reading spoilers, please, but I’m right in thinking that with Joffrey dead, Stannis would be the rightful heir, as Joffrey’s (unlikely actual) Uncle? Of course, I don’t expect that will happen, but that’s the family tree, right?

    • JMP

      Joffrey still has a younger brother and sister, and Tommen (the brother) appeared in this episode for the first time since Blackwater, though played by a new actor. They both officially come before Stannis among those who believe / pretend that Robert was their father.