Jun 2, 2020
Full House “The House Meets the Mouse (Part II)” (part 1 of 3)
Awwwww yeah, here we go! Here it is: The most inspiring, heart-stopping piece of television I’ll ever watch, you’ll ever watch, your mamma will ever watch, your mamma’s grocer will ever watch, and everyone in between, for all time, multiplied by pi.
This episode of Full House, this glorious episode, will be so mind-bending, so awe-inspiring, so utterly intellectually (and maybe even sexually) fulfilling, that by the end of these thirty minutes you will have jizzed yourself multiple times. And I assure you, you will have already written your love letters to each and every actor in this cast, starting from the littlest to the oldest and most bitter, praising them… no, thanking them, just for existing.
Most of them, of course, are either washed up, drug-addled, possibly responsible for the death of Heath Ledger, or otherwise scheduled to show up on the second season of Glee. So. You know. Don’t expect a return letter or anything.
Still, this will be an amazing episode. How do I know? Because dude, they don’t even need to explain what happened in Part I! No “Previously On”, no nothing. Why? Because they assume—and rightly so—that Part I’s awesomeness has by now simply integrated itself into your DNA and become a part of your basic humanity. That Part I was so intense, you already intuitively know what it was about, even if you can’t consciously remember much of anything (I think Michelle was kidnapped by ninjas?). That’s how awesome this episode will be.
In fact, you know what? I’m just gonna start this right now. Yeah, baby. I’m firing this up. I’ll see you on the other side!
[half an hour later]
Wow, that was shit.
Let’s just jump in.