Fleetwood Mac Sex: How to hook up to every track on Rumours
So you find yourself having a Sexxxy Summer, and you’re looking for new old tunes to spice things up in the bedroom. Why not give Fleetwood Mac’s landmark album “Rumours” a chance? It’s not just for fans of cocaine and painful breakups. It’s also for anybody who likes excellent music and/or scarves!
“Second Hand News”: This song very clearly asks, “Won’t you lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff?” The answer is yes, on top of day-old newspapers you found on the subway.
“Dreams”: Stevie Nicks wrote this song on a piano in a sunken pit in a black-and-red room with a black velvet bed with big drapes, so that is where you need to do sex.
“Never Going Back Again”: This is actually a post-sex song. Do sex to your ex to “Dreams” in the weird black velvet room and THEN announce you’re “Never Going Back Again,” dammit!
“Don’t Stop”: Listen to this song when you have sex with any member of the Clinton family and/or are going through a protracted yet necessary breakup.
“Go Your Own Way”: Masturbate vigorously.
“Songbird”: Have sex with the person you’ve never truly given a fair shake because he/she is always overshadowed by somebody else who wears more fringe and gets more solos.
“The Chain”: Mutually hateful yet delightful sexual relations with your long-term partner.
“You Make Loving Fun”: Blow your band’s lighting director. Alternately, have sex with a clown.
“I Don’t Want To Know”: Who needs details? This is for sexual relations without much muss or fuss or talking or feelings or whatever.
“Oh Daddy”: Um, I guess if you’ve got intense emotional issues you’d listen to this song during sex. Otherwise, let’s skip it, shall we?
“Gold Dust Woman”: Apparently Stevie Nicks wrapped her entire head in black cloth except for her mouth and then recorded this song, so that’s what you need to do before engaging in sad, demented boner jams.
BONUS TRACK: The kids recorded “Silver Springs” during the Rumours sessions but used it later as a B-side to a single. That’s right, “Silver Springs” was a fucking B-side. Anyway, this is the only song you are allowed to have sex to when you are in Maryland.