VIDEO: The Fifth Element (1997)

Suzie is rudely interrupted by her fellow reviewers Detroitmechworks and Rubber Walrus as she attempts to review Luc Besson’s The Fifth Element, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich, Gary Oldman, Chris Tucker, and Tiny “Zeus” Lister as the President. A force subtly known as the Great Evil threatens the earth, so it’s up to 23rd century cab driver Willis to bring together four element stones and Jovovich (as the titular Fifth Element) to unleash a Divine Light to stop the Evil. Will they succeed, or be defeated by Oldman’s awful (southern?) accent?

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  • The Crazy Fish

    Personally? I’d rather watch Dungeons & Dragons the first movie over Wrath of the Dragon God any day. D&D was a crappy movie and WotDG was better (though still SyFy original movie quality), but WotDG had no heart. D&D was at least fun, if not coherent.

    Incidentally, I’d like to remind you that “everyone else” who thinks The Fifth Element is shit? That’s actually the minority, not the majority.

    Look, don’t get me wrong. I know I’m the only person here who likes Wild Wild West, and I’m not gonna say Fifth Element is good just because it was nominated for an oscar. Armageddon was nominated for 4 and it’ generally considered to be bad-to-mediocre, but come on.

    Okay, let’s go by Rotten Tomatoes. 73% of critics liked Fifth Element. Of the 27% of critics who didn’t like it almost all of them thought it was mediocre at worst, or more commonly good but hurt by annoying minor characters.

    So yeah, if RT is to be believed? Your “everyone else” is like 5% of the movie-going public, tops. That’s not controversial, that’s just you being wrong.

    • The Blockbuster Chick

      Are you seriously telling me I’m not allowed an opinion? I’m not allowed to say I didn’t like a movie just because you liked it? I’m getting really annoyed by this. If you don’t like my opinion, don’t watch my show! I know it’s bad business to turn people away from watching my stuff but this is really getting to me now so if you don’t want to watch my stuff, don’t watch it!

      • Hey, at least he didn’t call you racist! I’m totally racist for hating on Tommy.

        I got your back, though. Fifth Element was bad. Gary Oldman was the best part about it and he was so cartoony that a little of him went a long way. Milla Jovovich and Bruce Willis had all the chemistry of noble gases. The less said about Chris Tucker, the better.

        • The Crazy Fish

          Why would I have called her racist? The goal isn’t to be a prick, the goal is to point out when someone’s wrong. I know all opinions should be respected, blah blah blah, but really, no, they shouldn’t.

          I’ve already accepted that Agony Booth recappers are overly critical to the point of very nearly just hating everything, but at least most of the stuff here is commonly considered to be mediocre at best.

          Just because everyone here agrees doesn’t mean everyone everywhere agrees. The people who like Fifth Element, who Suzie tries to paint as a minority of deluded fanboys, is actually most people, and even those who don’t like the movie mostly don’t like it just because they feel it’s another forgettable action movie. Very, very few people would actually agree that it’s “shit.”

          Also, if we don’t want to go by Rotten Tomatoes’ critic scores I could point out that the audience approval rating is even higher: 84%. If you think that’s something someone with a weak mind would say, I could point you in other directions too. The common consensus is that Fifth Element is most certainly not a classic piece of cinema, but it is an above average movie that brings something new and interesting to the genre of action comedies.

          The facts say that you’re in the minority here. While that’s certainly fine – you’re not required to like anything – a real weak mind is one that refuses to admit when it’s wrong.

          Also, Chris Tucker’s character in this movie is really annoying, and I will never call anyone racist for thinking so. Not liking the blue singer chick on the other hand, that’s totally racist against blue aliens.

          • Guest

            The 84% audience rating comes from people who decided to vote for the movie. Please do yourself a favor and educate yourself on “self-selection bias”.

            Until the day you run a scientific poll about whether most people like Fifth Element, you’re just talking out of your ass and should probably STFU about it.

            And from the sound of things, you spend a lot of time and effort defending movies from mean ol’ critics. Have you considered maybe this is a sign you just have shitty taste in movies?

          • The Crazy Fish

            Maybe you should get to know a person before you start talking about what they do, what they’re like, and what their flaws are. Do I have shitty taste in movies? Maybe. I did like Wild Wild West, after all. But do I like everything I watch? Hell no. I’ve given lots of movies and video games bad reviews myself, and I agree with most of the scathing reviews here on Agony Booth. I’m still wondering when they’re gonna tear that action porn GI Joe movie a new one. But gasp! How could this be when you’re so convinced I’m a sycophantic white knight who loves everything? Maybe it’s because you don’t actually know me as well as you think you do.

            Here’s a question for you. Have you ever considered that when a lot of people come by to tell you you’re wrong about something it might be because you’re actually wrong? Is it at least slightly possible that, rather than the entire world having shitty taste, you might just be too overly critical?

            You ask if I know about self-selection bias, but let’s look at the reality here. My argument is based on facts. The majority of people -critics and audiences alike- gave the movie favorable reviews. The average rating is around 6.5 out of 10, in other words “decent, but not great.” Hell, the movie also made back over twice its budget and was nominated for an oscar for what that’s worth (which is admittedly not much). Those are all facts.

            You, on the other hand, have given no facts and have ignored the ones right in front of you. Your argument begins and ends with “I disagree with you, therefore your facts must be wrong.”

            So tell me again, who’s suffering from self-selection bias here?

          • Sofie Liv

            GUYS! calm down!

            the word “opinion.” means it is the individual persons personal feelings and ideas about some-thing.
            Which means by default my opinion is different than yours, and that Suzies is different from mine.

            We cannot have a civilised conversation before we all accept that the very meaning of opinion is that each and every-one of ours are different.

            Now! the most important thing when discussing a movie or piece of art is not whether we agree to each other, but whether you can back up your opinions with reasoning, explanations and thoughts for further debate.

            Your opinions are worth nothing if you can’t back it up. saying. “This is shit.” or “This is great.” and then just stopping there is useless, and rotten Tomato numbers is not a reasoning.
            You need to say “I like this because of xxx” “I dislike this because of xxx”
            Always back up and explain, and accept we all have our own opinions, chances are you wont change a persons opinion that easily, and that is actually kind of good.

            Now, Suzie have chosen to rely way more on comedy than analysis in her episodes. That means she can’t back up her opinions with analysis, as she uses her time on jokes. That is her choice.

            And you are all in your right to disagree with her statements, but remember to be polite and back your opinion up with reasoning and explanation.

            Say. “I disagree because of xxx” don’t say. “WRONG!” the end.
            One is a way for polite debate with thought, the other is just plane rude.

      • Rabble Rouser

        As much as I find it strange agreeing with you here, Fish IS good at being a troll and a fucking idiot. So there’s that. I think he’s still mad that I fucked his mom the other night and it was the best sex she ever had.

      • MephLord

        I wouldn’t worry too much about trolls. I like the recaps, and each one has the great Brad Jones voiceover intro, so its already better than 50% of the recaps out there.

        • Michael A. Novelli

          Indeed! If I ever get around to starting AB’s Sexy Voice Club, he’s gonna be our mascot…

      • The Crazy Fish

        Oh, no, you’re allowed an opinion, it’s just that not all opinions are correct or valid.

    • Hey It’s That Guy

      It takes a weak mind to cite a Rotten Tomatoes score as objective “proof” of a subjective opinion.

      I’ll let you in on a little secret: The fact that this movie has an RT score of 73% means… that 73% of the critics who happen to be listed on Rotten Tomatoes gave the movie a positive review. It says absolutely nothing about the general “movie-going public”. Nice try, though.

    • Guest

      Really? You’re bringing an Oscar nom for best Sound Effects Editing into this?

      In that case, I’m not gonna say Fifth Element sucks because it got nominated for two Razzies.

  • X Kecleon

    I dont agree that the movie is bad. Personally, I dont like the Fifth Element myself but that is because the film is just so average and forgettable. The movie never reaches a point where it becomes epic or special.

    Still, I enjoyed the review, good work!

    • Ed

      Same here. The movie isn’t awful but if I want to see a Bruce Willis action flick that doesn’t have Die Hard in the title, it’s not the one I will generally go to.

      Keep up the good work.

      • The Blockbuster Chick

        Thanks X Kecleon & Ed for your comments. I appreciate that not everybody thinks badly of this film as I do and appreciate you taking the time to give your thoughts constructively. I’m really glad you liked the review :)

  • Kev

    5th Element’s awesome, dammit! Ok, so Ruby Rhod is weapons grade annoying and fair enough, not everyone enjoys this movie, but it’s a gorgeous-looking film and it’s fun as hell and visually it’s eye-popping and colorful. (I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me with a straight face you wouldn’t want to live in this movie’s crazy universe).

    Keep in mind, fun need not be high-brow. If originality and quality were directly proportionate, Star Wars would by far be the worst movie ever made.

    And come on, Suzie! Multipass! By the way, the “Mangalores that survived the blast” weren’t Mangalores, just Zorg’s goons (the Mangalores who survived the blast show up later on the cruise ship).

    I also might have mentioned that everybody looks so ridiculous because the costumes were designed by Paris fashion icon Jean-Paul Gaultier, who is probably haute couture’s most batshit insane designer, or the fact that Milla Jovovich seems to stay employed in Hollywood by marrying her directors.

    • The Blockbuster Chick

      That’s your opinion, I’m entitled to mine. I didn’t like the movie. End of story. Thanks :)

      • Kev

        No one’s saying you aren’t entitled to your own opinion. I just wish you’d do better research before a review is all. I like the movie, but I understand why you wouldn’t. It’s no problem. There are few films I’ll defend against anyone who dares sully their honor. The Fifth Element is not one of them. It’s just a flawed film I happen to dig, that’s all. :)

    • The Blockbuster Chick

      Actually, the goons that survived the blast if you recall from the scene when they brought the case with the stones in, they WERE actually mangalores. The one with the blue patch on his head was outside with Zorg so that’s a given, but the others were INSIDE THE BUILDING when it blew up and everybody in the previous scene were mangalores. So how did they survive the blast? And I was going to go into some detail about the costumes but since I am not an expert on fashion or design, I did not want to do a copy and paste job from wikipedia not knowing anything at all about the subject and possibly offending anybody with my lack of knowledge. I hope this helps clear things up.

      • Kev

        No they weren’t. You seem confused about who’s actually working for whom. Yes, the guys in the arms deal scene were Mangalores. I’m not arguing that. I’m talking about the guys you called the “Mangalores that survived the blast” who led Vito Cornelius into Zorg’s office, among them were the guy with the blue patch (Right Arm is his name, and yes I did have to look that up). Those guys were actually just generic goons. The actual Mangalores that survived (led by Aknot) show up later at the spaceport and then on the cruise ship. Those guys were never Zorg’s henchmen in the first place, just mercenaries he hired to retrieve the stones for him, and for the rest of the film they are acting under Aknot’s orders, not Zorg’s. So here’s the situation by the time we get to Fhloston Paradise:

        Team Good Guys want the stones to stop the Big Flaming Ball o’ Evil.

        Zorg wants the stones to help the Big Flaming Ball o’ Evil.

        The Mangalores want the stones for themselves to screw over Zorg and because they’re evil, ultra-violent douchebags.

        President Tiny Lister wants to sit at his desk like a boss.

        I hope that helps clear things up.

  • goblinsoldier

    You must be kidding. Of all the crap out there, you are going to pick on what is basicly a harmless piece of fluff. Why don’t you look at “Showgirls” or something actually bad? For the love of all that is good, “Roadhouse” makes this look like a great movie. If you want to get your panties in a bind over a nothing, get off the Agony Booth. This website has a history of going after truly bad movies, memorable movies. Let’s face it. This has nothing on Coleman Francis’s works. Pick on truly bad movies. Do not waste my time.

    • Tedzey71

      Right… keep telling yourself that, cause Suzie isn’t going anywhere. She can review what she wants and say what she needs to say, soldier.

      • goblinsoldier

        Yeah, and she can suck my dick too, but I’m not going to complain about it. What are you going to do about it, tough guy?

        • Tedzey71

          You’re funny, talking smack on a computer. Think you should call yourself “Trollcomedian” instead of “goblinsoldier.”

          • goblinsoldier

            If i were I’d make a joke about your mom, but I can’t. Your mom was a whore and I’m glad I raped her last night.

          • Concerned

            You’re calling out people’s family members now? Niiiiice. (/sarcasm)

        • The Blockbuster Chick

          Leave me out of this! If you don’t like my stuff, don’t watch. Simple solution. I never plan to address you personally again so please do me a favour and stay well clear from my videos. Goodbye forever

        • Really?

          A touch of class would kill you, would it?

          • Concerned

            I’m afraid types like him wouldn’t know what a class is even if they walked into one.
            (/Bad joke, but what can you do?)

    • Hey It’s That Guy

      I like how you complain about her reviewing mediocre fluff, and then you go and suggest a movie like Roadhouse, the very definition of mediocre fluff.

      And I know it’s hard to read that big banner up there with the bright yellow letters, but this show is called **The Blockbuster Chick** and Coleman Francis movies aren’t blockbusters.

    • The Blockbuster Chick

      It’s my decision what movies I review. It’s my opinion. Don’t waste MY time by commenting on a video you didn’t want to watch in the first place. That is all

  • Hey It’s That Guy

    I don’t know who those two nitwits were at the beginning of the video, but please never make a video with them again. I almost shut it off five minutes in because I was pretty sure you were never going to get around to talking about the movie.

    Also, it takes a skilled performer to pull off a running gag, and you’re clearly not there yet. That Toy Story 2 joke wasn’t funny the first time, and it sure wasn’t funny the 6th or 7th time either.

    • The Blockbuster Chick

      This video is from last year, it’s not my recent one. And the 2 guys in my videos are close friends of mine. Sorry you didn’t like the Toy Story joke. That is all

  • glampire

    This is the first review of yours I’ve watched and I thought it was top notch. I’ve always felt “The Fifth Element” was vastly overrated and I applaud your willingness to take a crack at it. Well done.

    • The Blockbuster Chick

      Thank you so much glampire, glad you liked the review :)

  • Concerned

    This was made last year you say?

    • Concerned

      Your video on it I mean, not the film. Unless somehow this film was made last year and Besson went back in time to release it in 1997. Would explain Oldman’s hairstyle.

      • The Blockbuster Chick

        Yes this video was made last year. It was the 3rd review video I’d ever made. Go to my blip page to see my more recent videos :)

  • Ed

    An amusing thought just occurred to me. I actually would have written about this movie years ago if not for the Chris Tucker character. So, kudos to you, Suzie for having more intestinal fortitude than a guy who’s been writing for the site since 2003.

    • The Blockbuster Chick

      Wow, thank you very much. I really appreciate that :)

  • GoGetEm

    Suzie, I hope you can block out the loser comments. I think your reviews/recaps are quite funny. You must be doing something right to earn the ire of Internet trolls.

  • “Goblinsoldier” has been banned from the site due to his vulgar comments below. We don’t have a problem with criticism here, but these comments clearly crossed a line.

    Also, “goblinsoldier” has been posting under several other aliases for quite a while, including “Concerned”, “Rabble Rouser”, and “Paul Guest”. Some of you from the forums would know him as “Premier Blah”.

    He appears to be using anonymous proxies to get around the IP ban, so you’ll probably see him show up here again. Feel free to ignore him.

    • TheCrazyFish

       Wait, what? But Premier Blah was one of the good guys, I thought. Why would he become a random troll?

  • goblinsoldier

    Well, you people found me out. I guess I should go on my merry way then and leave you all here?

    Nah, no I won’t. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
    Nice try, but I’m still here. So let’s celebrate like the time I celebrated sticking my cock in Suzie’s mouth. Boy was she delicious. I have video of that if anyone wants it too as proof of this.

  • Olaf_the_Lofty

    Hello, Suzie. Thanks for the video and sorry about the trolls. I feel about this film that it’s like looking at an anthology of SF illustrations: beautiful and spectacular without feeling the need to make any sense. Two particular stupidities you didn’t mention are (1) that when Leeloo falls into Bruce Willis’ taxi she can’t speak English but can apparently read it (“Please…Help!”) and (2) when the orcs (I can’t be bothered to look up their proper name) in the space-paddlesteamer just stand there behind Leeloo waiting for her to punch them instead of, you know, attacking her from all angles at once. Also Bruce freezes to death the Space Marines (?) sent to escort him on his “holiday” just so that he can go with Leeloo instead, which seems a bit draconian.
    One point in defence of the film: when the Howard the Duck aliens say “War is coming” as their reason to remove the stones, they mean war is coming /on Earth/: they are taking the stones away so they don’t get mixed up in World War I. They don’t mean that they were taking them away to a war zone.
    But yes, Jessica Rabbit is way better looking, sexier, better dressed and has nicer hair than Leeloo does. Of course, as someone has pointed out, the clothes are the fault of the Paris couturier who was unfortunately hired to design them.

    • Gussie Jives

      I was about to post the same thing in relation to WWI.  Although oddly enough the Mondoshawans had no problem with the French invasion of Egypt in 1798 or any of the wars the Ottoman Empire engaged in while they ruled it.

      Dumb aliens.

  • Gussie Jives

    Oh, the movie was just good dumb old-school sci-fi fun.  Hudson Hawk seemed to be the only guy centred enough to be just going with all the insipid bullshit around him, whether it was Leelo’s antics or shape-shifters shooting at him.  He’s just like “ah screw it, let’s just roll with it.”

  • Sceptic Watcher

    For people like me, who don’t frequent this site regularly, the first 6 minutes are rather boring. My hopes for an actual interesting funny video rose thereafter, only to be crushed when you started discussing this other guys hair. I didn’t continue watching.

  • It has been years since I last saw 5th Element, so I only now realsied that Leeloo was made with a fancy 3D Printer.

  • Wethewax

    Yet another review of 5th Element that doesn’t appear to appreciate that the movie is self parodic, IE: it has it’s tongue firmly in it’s cheek, it’s taking the piss out of itself…and the genre…and the audience, it is not to be taken seriously, in FACT it’s meant to be taken as a light hearted fantasy adventure with plenty of comic relief.

    None of the criticisms of this movie made in the above video make any sense when the movie is viewed in the context of not taking itself seriously.

    Just to make my point clear…
    If you want to criticise 5th Element for being silly, then here’s a small list of similar films that you should deride: The Last Action Hero, Dogma, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, The Mummy, Galaxy Quest, and last but not least…Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

    • TheCrazyFish

      It’s always been funny to me. Some people seem to have an enormous problem with the idea of combining comedy and seriousness. It’s strange to me. British movies do it all the time. Anime does it all the time. And you know, people are fine with it. But for some reason whenever an American production combines comedy with drama and action it gets blasted.

      You bring up those movies, but I can tell you… spend a good deal of time on the internet and you’ll realize that Last Action Hero, Dogma, and The Mummy are some of the most hated movies out there. Galaxy Quest is more popular, but still has its fair share of haters.

      People have strange ideas about movies. There’s the strange idea that a good movie has to be high art, and an even stranger idea that high art has to be humorless and tragic. There’s an equally baffling idea that comedy movies can only be good in a “stupid and bad, but enjoyable if you turn your brain off” kind of way.

      You shouldn’t be angry, though. They can’t comprehend the idea that drama doesn’t have to be dark, or that comedy doesn’t have to be dumb, or that two dissimilar concepts can be blended. Their perception is limited and monochrome, and it will always prevent them from fully appreciating and enjoying the world around them. Really, they’re only hurting themselves and the worst part is they’ll never even know it.

      • JD

        Whats wrong with Last Action Hero and Dogma?
        I liked both of them.

        • Wethewax

          You’re not really paying attention to what you read, are you?

        • TheCrazyFish

          Nothing’s wrong with them, but they’re nonetheless very hated movies across the internet.

      • Wethewax

        I appreciate your point, but my problem is with these people’s apparent blindness.

        5th Element makes it very clear that it is just a silly fantasy,…..and then it gets criticised for that very silliness. People will actually say “are we meant to take this garbage seriously”, when the movie is screaming “DO NOT TAKE THIS GARBAGE SERIOUSLY!”

        It’s like criticising a fisherman for the act of catching fish.