Jul 29, 2020
Fantasy Mission Force (1984) (part 6 of 7)
Meanwhile, back at the camp, it’s suddenly nighttime and the Hobo and Wayne Newton are being led to the center of camp at gunpoint. For what reason, I can’t begin to imagine. And once again, no moral objections to this. The women yell, “Off!” So Wayne winks at them and begins taking off his clothes [!]. He explains it to Hobo thusly:
Wayne: Can’t you see they’re all very horny? If we just show them all the charms we have, and then maybe, maybe they’ll let us go!
This apparently doesn’t get them very far, because we abruptly cut to them locked up in bamboo cooking pots [!], being roasted over open flames. The Hobo dryly quips, “Is this what you call their horniness?” Suddenly, all the women are doing the “raise the roof” gesture as the Amazonian princess and her horsewomen return, leading Lily, who’s all tied up in ropes again. Wait, didn’t we just watch Jackie rescue her? What the hell?
But Lily easily tosses off the ropes, jumps in the back of the jeep, and begins firing her rocket launcher and blowing up the entire camp. Several of the jungle women come running, but Hobo and Wayne have suddenly teleported out of the cooking pots and disguised themselves in those jungle wardrobes, so the women just run right past them. All except one, who comes over to investigate. But things take a gruesome turn when Hobo grabs her from behind and slashes her throat, and we get the charming sight of blood spraying all over Wayne’s face.
Cut to the tent where Screw-Up and Commander are being held. Oddly, the Commander is in a wooden cage in the center of the tent, while the Screw-Up is tied up in chains right outside the cage. Despite this arrangement, it doesn’t stop them from cuddling. So Lily pokes a gun in through a hole in the tent and blasts away at all the guards. She frees the men, leading to a big shootout (yes, the jungle women have guns) as the Force takes out all the jungle women. Meanwhile, Wayne and the Hobo plant dynamite under bridges.