May 21, 2016
Fantasy Mission Force (1984) (part 5 of 7)
The Hobo, with his mouth full of salty soup, runs to the river to drink, but he stops when he sees a distinct red film on the water. To furiously glissando-ing xylophones, Hobo looks out and sees two bodies floating in the water. He yells it’s an “ambush!” and we cut to soldiers firing on the team, and our amazing Fantasy Mission Force does what they do best, cowering behind a jeep.
After a moment, the enemy soldiers come riding up on horseback, and I’d swear they’re supposed to be the Ku Klux Klan [!], or somebody, because they’re all wearing white hoods. The team races off in the jeep and the guys in the back of the jeep blast away at the Klansmen. Unfortunately, Wen falls off the back of the jeep and into a pond, and the Klansmen ride up, and um… stare at him.
Abruptly, we cut to the jeep rolling along. Someone says, “Don’s dead.” You know, it’s not often you see a movie where the main character dies halfway through. Someone adds, “When the tree falls, the monkeys run!” And let it be known that they are the ones who compared themselves to monkeys, not me. Someone says, “It’s best for us to go home to our wives!” Even Lily? Though, I wouldn’t put it past her, considering the way she pounds back beer and shoots clothes off girls. The jeep rolls on, with the team members oddly bickering and yelling at each other and threatening each other. Then, for no reason, the jeep comes to a screeching halt and everyone climbs out.