Mar 15, 2021
Fantasy Mission Force (1984) (part 4 of 7)
Now we cut to sped-up footage of a “Scottish” brigade. And by “Scottish”, I mean a bunch of Chinese guys in kilts [!]. Hell, why not? Is it any more ridiculous than the rest of this movie? They do sped-up marches outside a building with a UN flag, a building that also has its exterior painted in blue camouflage [?] like it’s the Windows 95 Building or something. There’s one “Scottish” soldier who’s an obvious screw-up, who goofs up in various slapsticky ways and ends up getting throttled by his commander. As the screw-up soldier walks away, the rifle over his shoulder accidentally (I think it’s accidental, anyway) goes off, shooting off his commander’s tam o’shanter, which goes flying straight up in the air. I mean, directly up in the air, like in silent Westerns. Good god, I have no idea what this is all about.
Cut to Don Wen and Wayne Newton driving up to the blue camouflage building, and being welcomed by the Mayor of Pepperland. Then, just as suddenly, it’s nighttime, and Lily is standing out amongst the weeds, surveying the Blue Camouflage Building. She springs into action, taking out a couple of tower guards, but not before one of them gets off a few rounds in her direction. A siren sounds and all the Scottish soldiers come charging out after her. Over inside a nearby jeep, the Screw-Up “Scottish” Soldier claps his hands together and tells his commander in an obviously “gay” voice, “Wow! Wonderful! This is a real war!” Only, I bet he wishes it had been decorated better. Blue camouflage is so last year.