Exclusive: Gary Oldman’s Racist, Sexist, Homophobic Poetry

Exclusive: Gary Oldman's Racist, Sexist, Homophobic Poetry
Hey guys! Wow, have we got a story for you: looks like Gary Oldman is not just a warrior against “political correctness.” He’s also a poet. Were you aware? We stumbled upon a treasure trove of his finest work. Looks like he’s employed the technique of “American haiku,” where one discards the 5-7-5 syllabic format (Gary Oldman don’t play by no rules!) but maintains the traditional presence of a single image from nature. Or maybe we just took quotes from his recent Playboy interview and added some shit about nature, who can say? At any rate, we’re sure you’ll agree this is truly beautiful work (as usual, am I right?) from an actoring icon.

Mel Gibson is in
a town that’s run by Jews
a single snowflake falls

He got drunk and said a few things
but we’ve all said those things
dewdrops cling to petals

If I called Nancy Pelosi
a cunt…a fucking useless cunt
the dawn kisses the river

Alec [Baldwin] calling someone a F-A-G
in the street…I don’t blame him
Nectar spills forth

Take a fucking joke
Get over it
The moon glows, silent

Haunting, right? Somebody tell Beat Generation poet Gary Snyder to back the fuck up, because there’s a new man of letters in town with the name Gary, a man who says things like, “I don’t know about Mel. He got drunk and said a few things, but we’ve all said those things…The policeman who arrested him has never used the word nigger or that fucking Jew?”

Now that’s poetry.

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