Exclusive: Gary Oldman’s Racist, Sexist, Homophobic Poetry

Exclusive: Gary Oldman's Racist, Sexist, Homophobic Poetry
Hey guys! Wow, have we got a story for you: looks like Gary Oldman is not just a warrior against “political correctness.” He’s also a poet. Were you aware? We stumbled upon a treasure trove of his finest work. Looks like he’s employed the technique of “American haiku,” where one discards the 5-7-5 syllabic format (Gary Oldman don’t play by no rules!) but maintains the traditional presence of a single image from nature. Or maybe we just took quotes from his recent Playboy interview and added some shit about nature, who can say? At any rate, we’re sure you’ll agree this is truly beautiful work (as usual, am I right?) from an actoring icon.

Mel Gibson is in
a town that’s run by Jews
a single snowflake falls

He got drunk and said a few things
but we’ve all said those things
dewdrops cling to petals

If I called Nancy Pelosi
a cunt…a fucking useless cunt
the dawn kisses the river

Alec [Baldwin] calling someone a F-A-G
in the street…I don’t blame him
Nectar spills forth

Take a fucking joke
Get over it
The moon glows, silent

Haunting, right? Somebody tell Beat Generation poet Gary Snyder to back the fuck up, because there’s a new man of letters in town with the name Gary, a man who says things like, “I don’t know about Mel. He got drunk and said a few things, but we’ve all said those things…The policeman who arrested him has never used the word nigger or that fucking Jew?”

Now that’s poetry.

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  • EricPoole

    There is no such thing as political correctness. That which some people mistakenly call “political correctness” is merely what we used to say was mutual respect until people other than white, male, heterosexual, Christians began demanding it.

  • Wendy Belgard Hanawalt

    Makes me crazy, people who say “We’ve all said that, right?” No, no we haven’t. You are simply in denial as to what a piece of shit you are.

    • elvigy

      Yeah, that always pisses me off too. Maybe privileged straight white guys have all said that, who knows. As a gay, atheist white guy whose first long term relationship was with a Jewish guy and whose second long term relationship is with a black guy, no. No I have never said or thought those things. Fuck what an asshole.

  • Becky Barwick Derby

    You know Gary’s a Brit, right?

    • Ambignostic

      That won’t stop him from employing American Haiku. Gary Oldman don’t play by no rules!

  • Ambignostic

    Gary Oldman is, along with Sean Penn, one of the finest, most versatile actors of his generation. I refuse to read about his assholishness, lest I let his assholishness interfere with my enjoyment of his craft. *reads about Gary Oldman’s assholishiness anyway*fuck

    • beavertank

      But he’s still Commissioner Gordon. No one can take THAT away from him.

    • ElfInBklyn

      couldn’t agree more. but the phrase “nobody ever called pablo picasso an asshole” comes to mind.

  • Guest

    I’m sitting here, saying over and over to myself: “Trust the art, not the artist”…”…we’ve all said those things…”? No, I’m one of those fucking Jews who still admires your abilities while thinking a bit less of you right now.

  • Estproph

    Tinker Tailor Soldier BigotLost in RaceHarry Potter and the Prisoner of AshkenazisRosencranz and Guildenstern Are NeeegrasThe Darky Knight Rises