Jul 30, 2017
Everybody in the House Do the Bartman . . . For $38 Grand
It seems, in this day and age, everything has a price, including your childhood. Apparently, the rights to this jazzy earworm from the 90s recently sold at auction to an anonymous bidder for a whopping $38,500.
Why so much moolah for a song sung by a perpetually prepubescent animated character advocating a line dance that seems to be a cross between the Macarena, the Electric Slide, and the “I’ve been on the road for three hours and really have to pee-pee” dance?
Well, apparently, some folks are under the impression that Michael Jackson wrote it! This unfortunately, as it turns out, isn’t actually true . . . even though Simpsons creator Matt Groening long insisted that it was. Because Bart Simpson wrote it himself so he could be part of the school talent show, obviously! Duh!
Actually, some guy named Bryan Loren wrote “Do the Bartman.” But Michael Jackson did sing some of the backup vocals and got his name dropped at least once during the song. Bart notably explains at one point during the ditty: “If you can do the Bart, you are bad like Michael Jackson.”
I’m not kidding. The song actually says that . . . probably because it sounds a lot cooler than, “If you can do the Bart, you probably have to go to the bathroom, a.k.a. the can, man.”
This isn’t the first time that a song sung by animated creatures on The Simpsons has been wrongly attributed to the King of Pop. Remember that episode where Lisa gets serenaded on her birthday by a very kindly nutbar from the insane asylum who believes himself to be MJ reincarnated, but is actually just . . . well . . . a very kindly nutbar from the insane asylum?
Well, apparently the voice of faux-Michael Jackson in that song was actually a Michael Jackson impersonator named Kipp Lemon. (My apologies to all those named Lisa whose parents have been playing this for them every year claiming it’s a song in their honor written by someone famous. Your parents have basically been lying to you all your life, Lisa. Sorry! Please don’t sue me for the cost of your future therapy bills.)
You know what classic Bart Simpson song was definitely not written by Michael Jackson? This one . . .
Because it was written by famous actor/singer Will Smith!
Yeah, that’s not true either . . .
Long story short, if you happen to hear a song that you like on The Simpsons, it was probably written and sung by Nobody Special. And now that you know that, you can save the $38 grand you were originally going to spend buying the rights to that song and spend it on something more worthwhile . . . like donuts.
“Mmmmm . . . donuts.”