May 25, 2009
Eragon (2006) (part 10 of 13)
Arya instantly recovers from her paralysis, and Brom sits up and pulls the spear out of himself. Boy, he’s one tough cookie. He tells Eragon to make a break for it, but even now Eragon refuses to listen, and insists on taking him along. Why, Ergy, I never knew you cared!
He pulls Brom to his feet, and he and Arya run out of there with him. They run into a group of Imperial soldiers—hey, glad you guys could finally make it! Eragon starts firing arrows at them. Wow, he’s such a good shot that he can kill a guy wearing full plate armour with a single arrow. And no, he’s not using a crossbow with armour-piercing bolts. He’s using an ordinary bow and arrow, the same kind he used for hunting deer. This movie really keeps the stupidity coming thick and fast, doesn’t it?
Just then, the roof breaks open and Saphira shows up. Nice timing, idiot. Here she finally does something other than just hang around, and starts killing soldiers. Of course, in the book she never does anything like this. She spends, literally, the entire novel doing sweet FA. The book goes on and on about how big and strong she is, but when danger threatens, guess who’s conveniently not there, or somehow incapable of doing a damn thing? That’s right, Saphira—the most useless dragon in the history of fantasy. Even Drake from Dragonheart II had more spunk than this. Fuck it, even Puff the Magic Dragon was more badass.
Eragon yells to her, asking if she can carry three people. She says she can, but not for long. He and Arya bundle Brom onto her back, while Eragon fights the soldiers with Brom’s red sword Zar’roc, which he suddenly knows how to handle after one lesson which lasted all of five minutes. Hey, how hard could it be?