Epic Movie (2007) (part 9 of 11)

Quick cut to Kal Penn, forlorn, sitting in his cell. The way they shot this, I thought it was going on while Aslo was in bed with the multicultural siblings. But it seems it’s actually some time later, because the guards are suddenly attacked by Fred Willard. He’s bare-chested, in fur pants, making claw hands and being overdubbed by a lion. The guards just run away in terror because, as noted, they never actually received any training.

Aslo laughs triumphantly, but the music turns dark, and our old friend Silas comes around the corner to challenge him. He says something in Latin which gets translated as “I’m gonna go Jackie Chan on your ass.” The weird thing is that the actual Latin he speaks is finally something religious: “In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.” Those raised in the movie Mystic River will remember this means, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.” Strange time for his character to start making sense.

Aslo roars on his own, without SFX help, and he sounds like he’s passing a kidney stone. And guess what? For no real reason, Also is now getting his own subtitles. These translate his roaring as “Good news, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.”

Caption contributed by Jordon Davis

Jesus Tapdancing Christ.

Now their doubles fight. I’m pleased to inform you that the use of stunt doubles is actually the point of the joke for once. The way I can tell is that instead of Aslo, they show several close-ups of stuntman Arnold Chon. It’s just Arnold, wearing a blond wig and gold sweatpants. They’re not even furry sweatpants—just gold. Of course, this would be much funnier if we hadn’t already been asked to ignore an entire movie full of silly doubles and, occasionally, dolls. It would also help if this joke hadn’t been stolen from Spaceballs.

It’s a huge kung fu battle, with lots of flying kicks and Hong Kong-style sound effects. Aslo pulls off a chunk of Silas’ hair. Silas turns to show he’s pulled off a bit of Aslo’s fur. This makes Fred Willard go white and cover his privates in embarrassment. For the record, his costume has not changed at all. Nothing private about him is exposed, thankfully, so I have no idea why he’s reacting this way.

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Jordon Davis

B.A. Political Science, SUNY Albany - 1991
Master of Public Administration, University of Georgia - 1993
Juris Doctorate, Emory University - 1996

Admitted:
State of Georgia - 1996
State of New York - 1997

Winner:
Fields Medal (with Laurent Lafforgue and Vladimir Voevodsky) - 1998

Follow Jordon at @LossLeader on Twitter.

Multi-Part Article: Epic Movie (2007)

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