Oct 1, 2018
Epic Movie (2007) (part 3 of 11)
Cut to a fairly impressive exterior shot of a nineteenth-century Dickensian factory. It’s belching smoke from an assortment of imposing and oddly-shaped smokestacks, as well as from several windows [?]. There’s a huge stylized W adorning the side of the factory. I have to hand it to whichever person photoshopped this picture. It honestly looks good, especially compared to the war crime the art department is going to commit in less than one minute.
Our four orphans stand before the steps of the factory. They’re dressed a little like some of the characters in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, at least if you squint really hard. Edward is Charlie. Lucy is wearing the robin’s egg tracksuit thing that Violet wore. Kal Penn is Augustus Gloop, with a red and white striped turtleneck and jeans rolled up to reveal his rocking ankles. Susan is in the most godforsaken pink babydoll dress, which is kind of reminiscent of Veruca Salt. Kind of, but not much.
Peter looks happily at the others. They each regard him with something akin to the face a high school cheerleader might make if she got asked out by the janitor. Seltzer and Friedberg actually take time to film a separate reaction shot for each one of them. And no, none of these shots are funny, just in case that thought had wandered, unbidden, into your mind.
There’s also no crowd outside the factory. There are no cameras. There doesn’t even seem to be a street with passersby. So, once again, I have to question Willy Wonka’s business sense. Why wouldn’t he publicize this? It’s the perfect opportunity to define the Wonka brand, and showcase what makes his products unique in an already saturated market. I submit that my case against the business practices of one Mr. Wonka is complete. Harvard should think very carefully before including this movie in their MBA curriculum. They should also think carefully before including that Jennifer Garner movie where they proved thirteen year olds can run fashion magazines.