Epic Movie (2007) (part 11 of 11)

The screen goes black, and when we come back, heroic coronation music is playing. Harry Beaver makes his way through a crowd, giving people his usual sass, which is comprised of what rich, white screenwriters suspect a black man might say.

He breaks through and sees the four orphans sitting on their thrones. It’s a copy of the shot from the real movie, and Harry presents to us the new kings and queens of Gnarnia: “Peter, the heroic; Susan, the just”—and nowhere in the movie did Susan wrestle with issues of justice, but they’re setting up a joke, so let’s see what they do with it—”Edward, the loyal; and Lucy, the dumb shit.” Ah. That’s what they did with it.

The crowd erupts in cheers, and the villagers hug each other. James Bond applauds politely. Chewbacca pumps his fist in victory. Since both Bond and Chewy are armed here, it’s a shame they didn’t stick around for the battle. They might have been useful. And in this movie, Chewbacca has blue highlights in his fur, which I guess is supposed to be some sort of joke.

Caption contributed by Jordon Davis

Look! You can see Peter Mayhew’s right arm! I told you Lucas was a hack!

And now, out of the woods staggers Mr. Tumnus. He has a bandage around his head, but otherwise seems unharmed, despite being shot about 15 times by Silas. He cheers for the orphans, and then he and the beaver robot start French kissing again, and it’s just as hilarious as the last time. Completely absent here is Aslo who, in what must be a smashing blow to Christian symbolism, does not get resurrected in this movie.

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Jordon Davis

B.A. Political Science, SUNY Albany - 1991
Master of Public Administration, University of Georgia - 1993
Juris Doctorate, Emory University - 1996

Admitted:
State of Georgia - 1996
State of New York - 1997

Winner:
Fields Medal (with Laurent Lafforgue and Vladimir Voevodsky) - 1998

Follow Jordon at @LossLeader on Twitter.

Multi-Part Article: Epic Movie (2007)
Tag: Seltzerberg Films

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