Aug 6, 2017
Empire: Get the Office Party Started
Ain’t no office party, like an Empire office party, cuz an Empire office party includes lap dances?
Lucious, Thirsty, and the entire staff at Empire celebrate victory against
Booby McBoobs, Esq prosecutor Roxanne Ford. She dropped the charges against Luscious because her star witness turned up dead….in her car. But that was last week.
This week, Lucious posts a video of himself gloating about how he persevered in the face of an unjust police investigation. Cookie finds his bragging distasteful, especially since she suspects Vernon did not kill himself, as is reported in the official story.
Andre is welcomed back to Empire, and Lucious tells him that he will be in charge of managing the Gutter Life sub-label and his first client will be Freda Gatin. In his fitted suit and tie, Andre does not fit in with the loud, boisterous bunch at Gutter Life, but he keeps his mouth shut to fulfill his plan of running Empire someday.
Back at Dynasty, Hakeem shows off his latest discovery, Laura (Jamila Velazquez), the lounge singer with the angelic voice from last week’s episode. Laura is meek and timid and is surprised by the way Hakeem is so flirtatious with all the girls. Oh girl, you’re going to be surprised by a lot more when you’re in this company!
Meanwhile, Jamal spends the episode recording a song in the studio with help from his father and guest star Ne-Yo, who’ll be touring with Jamal, resisting lewd advances from Wacky Andy Warhol, and trying to decide whether to bring Michael with him on tour. Zzzz . . .
Andre’s pastor encourages Andre to stay strong in the face of Lucious’s test and discusses what needs to be done before Andre can be baptized in the church. “I’ve committed murder, just tell me what to do,” shrugs Andre. The pastor tells Andre to confess his sins to his family and suggests that maybe God will use Andre to lead his family to the church. I hope God is going to give Andre a big shepherd’s hook because there is no way that family is going in easy.
Tiana is mugged outside of the Dynasty building and a mysterious masked figure posts a video to the company threatening that if “you want to chillax here, then you gotta be taxed here.” Cookie refuses to be extorted. She seeks assistance from super duper fine Delgado (Adam Rodriguez), a concert promoter who promises that he can take care of the menacing knuckleheads.
Jamal and Michael meet with Wacky Andy Warhol (Empire’s co-creator, Danny Strong) who is also on the “Don’t bring your relationship on the road” bandwagon although for a very different reason than Lucious. He claims that monogamy is too much a drag creatively and attempts to perform oral sex on Jamal when Michael is gone. Rightfully freaked out, Jamal tells Wacky Warhol to leave him alone, no matter how many pretentious self portraits he can make of Jamal.
When you support Happy Nice Time People on Patreon, 100% of your pledge goes straight to our writers.