Emeril is going to die broke and alone thanks to President Obama
TV Chef Emeril Lagasse is cooking up a family-sized portion of his own foot, steeped in cayenne powder, cinnamon, and brown sugar, with just a hint of Tinactin Athlete’s Foot Cream—and then cramming the entire thing in his mouth.
“I have nowhere to go, really, other than broke,” whines Emeril, which is a weird thing for someone worth at least $50 million to say. But he’s just getting started. He’s mostly concerned about how narrow the margins are in the restaurant business… mostly. Fair enough, it’s a tough industry and most don’t make it. But Emeril’s made it past that hump. So what’s happening to drive this wildly successful, internationally famous restaurateur into unavoidable bankruptcy?
Yeah, that’d be Obama:
“Then you add all the Obama nonsense to what it’s become in the last several years—I don’t have anything against Obama,” he said. “I’m just saying the way that, you know, the government should stay out of things. They can’t do what they do right, never mind what I’m doing right.”
Add in Obama, and he’s got nowhere to go but broke. Hey, don’t get him wrong—Emeril’s got nothing against the guy. It’s just that Obama is driving him into bankruptcy and stealing all the food out of his kids’ mouths.
First off, Emeril’s got a brand new reality show coming out on TNT this week, so he’s not going to be hard up for cash any time soon. Whew.
Okay, if he’s not actually going broke personally, what about his restaurants? Are they on the verge of financial collapse?
Emeril’s restaurant company was extremely quick to put out a statement saying they’re doing just fine, thank you very much. No matter what the boss is out there saying, the company itself wants to make damn sure everyone knows that no restaurant closures or layoffs or anything else bad is coming.
“The statement did not explain how Obama’s policies have specifically affected Lagasse’s restaurants. A representative for Lagasse declined to address follow-up questions about that aspect of the chef’s comments,” reports the New Orleans Times-Picayune.
“I have nowhere to go, really, other than broke,” he says.
Well, that’s just a lie, Emeril. If the only place you could possibly go is broke, you’d be getting the hell out of the restaurant business. But you’re not. Your money is nowhere near where your mouth is, possibly because there’s too much foot in there already.
(As for Emeril’s new show On the Menu, amateur cooks compete to create a new dish for a different national chain restaurant each week, with the winning dishes actually being served in the restaurants the day after the show airs. Week one is Chili’s.)