VIDEO: Eiken (2003)

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The Porn Critic reviews the first installment of Eiken, a two-part anime based on the pervy manga series of the same name. In it, a boy is forced to join the vaguely-defined Eiken Club, which is mostly made up of schoolgirls with ridiculously enormous breasts. Yeah, that’s pretty much the whole plot.

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  • Cameron Vale

    Actually this does make a certain kind of sense.  Japanese animation has always been budgeted very strategically, and the result is that Japanese animation developed in a twofold way; one style for high budget, another for low budget, and pretty much nothing in between.  So one moment it will look only slightly more animated than a comic book, and then suddenly without warning the frame rate will jump way up and money starts spraying all over the screen like a fire hose, with sweeping camera angles taking in every lovingly drawn contour of the action.  (Usually when people say something is “anime influenced” they mean the low budget style, with the speed lines and sweat drops and people with baby proportions and so on).  Also, Japanese animation is very merchandise-focused, which is why so many Japanese cartoon characters are young girls and stupid toy-looking creatures.  There’s even a whole genre devoted entirely to the exploitation of this principle, appropriately called “harem.”  (Eiken obviously qualifies.)  So you can imagine lots of Japanese animation producers seeing Eiken and kicking themselves for not thinking of it first.

  • Oh my god, the yogurt payoff. So, so good.

  • Muthsarah

    Oh God, why did I watch this?  Why do I watch stuff I know is going to make me sick?  I have Castle in the Sky and The Girl Who Leapt Through Time in the other room, just waiting to be watched, but I blew 12 minutes learning that THIS existed.  The Internet’s ruined my brain.  Save us, Joe Lieberman!

  • The women in the movie look like they have enormous tumors on their chests and not boobies like they should have.

  • MichaelANovelli

    I don’t know where I am when I watch this show…

  • Muthsarah

    Seriously, I gotta know, isn’t there a point where a “woman’s” (I use that term very loosely) breasts get so big that they’re no longer attractive but purely grotesque?  Like so big that they couldn’t physically be real?  I’d like to believe that this is only considered “sexy” for a few, rare, hopelessly lonely beasts, and not to the male populace at large…


    •  I guess if women are tripping over their boobs… that would be unattractive.

      • Russell Brin (Facebook Sux)

        Oh you do need to a legacy hunting style show of Minka…

        • Chris Palmer

           Chesty Morgan’s boobs are unattractive.

          • Russell Brin (Facebook Sux)

            Maybe not to Porn Critic though…he does seem fond of abnormally large boobs, not perfectly round and supple ones like our lovely Danish reviewer possesses…

  • Misinformed

    Will Vinton is working on the sequel to this.  It’s called “Clay Eiken.”

    •  I had to google everything you mentioned in order to get this joke.

      • Misinformed

        Yeah, after I typed it I realized how American-centric and geriatric-centric that was.  Typical American middle aged twat full-of-themselves thinking.  I apologize my young bespectacled Britannian buck for that weak pun that smelled of old American armpit.  I will now retire to the toilet to empty my colostomy bag.

        • FullofQuestions1

          And you didn’t even mention legitimate rape.

  • Sofie Liv

    Ahahaha! Man did I find this video hillarious, just.. Hahaha!

    Also, the search for perfect boobs are still over, I have them, end of discussion. 

    •  Yeah, you keep claiming but I still need proof.

      • Sofie Liv

         I’m insulted, every-body knows any-thing from Danish breed is just by default better.

        Also, I ran myself into a corner here.. urhm. Only way to push this one further is to go buy a powergirl costume to wear… or a Jessica Rabbit costume.. 

        • Misinformed

          I love Danish bread.  Especially rye.  Oh, you said breed. 

          • Sofie Liv

             Danish bread is of cause also very good X)

        • …so is there, like a Kickstarter I can throw money at for this or…?

          • Sofie Liv

             You can try wishing upon a star.

        • Russell Brin (Facebook Sux)

          You could wear a Starfire costume as well you know…

          • Sofie Liv

             and right there I pull the line

          • Russell Brin (Facebook Sux)

            My joke was probably in poor taste, but it was much of an offense to how Starfire is now portrayed as the idea of you also being viewed as a sex object and nothing more.  I hope that reasoning makes some sense with my history of posting comments here.

          • That skirts poor taste enough to make me retroactively feel bad about my own comment. I’m sorry, Sofie, I hope it wasn’t too offensive.

          • Sofie Liv

             It’s all-right, I started it! So when I myself start off such comments and further fuel it, it would be in poor taste of me not to be a good sport about it. So it’s all good.. but no, you are never going to see me in a star fire cosplay.. unless we are talking Star Fire from the Teen Titans television series, that one I could may be talked into.

            And yeah… who the hell ever did think that Star fire design was a good idea? Just.. wtf?

            I can get unboard with Catwoman, poison Ivy, Wonder woman, Power-girl all of that, I can accept them. Lets face it! if a woman happens to have a body like that, no way she would ever hide it away! I would walk around in bikini every summer if I had a body like Wonder woman.

            Star Fire… who did think that design was in any way a good idea? What kind of super-hero would ever fly around only wearing duck-tape.

          •  Ah, Starfire… I would hang out the back of her all day long.

          • Russell Brin (Facebook Sux)

            I bet a Rob Leifeld drawn super hero would only wear duct tape.  I also notice that a lot of the X-Women are considered among the best looking, but hardly wear revealing outfits (Storm, Jean, Jubilee, Rogue, Kitty all had pretty practical costumes) it was only Psylocke who’s costume was at all risque). 

            Black Canary’s fishnet stockings don’t even seem that bad next to Starfire and her terrible, terrible characterization.  I really do appreciate a lot how she was presented in the cartoon over the comic, the reinterpretation was really welcome she was my second favorite character (Cyborg was hilarious and awesome at the same time).

  • edharris1178

    That was…wow…Yeah, that…exists.   Good review, man.  I think I may need some brain bleach but still, good review.

  • TheScottCSmith

    Having lived in Japan I can confirm how wonderfully odd that country is, and can attest to the fact that they can construct enormous water slides in mere hours.  I also recall walking down the streets of Yokohama and slipping on not one, but 18 different banana skins, so I guess it’s a thing there.

  • Ken

    11:45 – GAH! You SICK little PUPPY!!!

  • martin rosspaterson

    I have to say I have not laughed so hard in years when I watched that dance you did their critic, top notch XD

    Also its great to see this psychotic little gem getting at least one review. I mean sure its utter madness but then you can’t say its not funny. I mean I look at it more in the vein of anime like the Project Ako series or Excel Saga but instead of going for mainstream its simply poking fun at porn. 

    Also because I only just recently found out about it, I know where Yuriko’s flying crouch entrances come from. Well technically you could say, I believe their meant to be a poke at the series Kekko Kamen, where the heroin defeats enemies with that as an attack. I’m not making it up either, if you have not seen it Critic then I would highly recommend looking it up since their has been both live action/anime and manga made about that series. 

    • Yeah that dance was totally improvised and actually cracks me up whenever I see it!

  • patrick
    heres ekien number 2 if you do a review on it say my name please.